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Should I just rip off the band-aid or pull it slowly?
Kari
Posts: 1,765
Since bringing Juliet home from the hospital, nights around here have gotten worse and worse. Justin decided that if Juliet or mom was awake, he was going to be awake. And then if Justin's awake, no one is sleeping because he talks non-stop (sings, makes requests, etc.). It doesn't help that everyone is sleeping in my bedroom.
This week I've been transitioning Juliet to a new "crib" for babies with reflux. At the same time, I'd really like to get Justin sleeping in his own room. We've talked about it a few times, but it's always come across as a threat or punishment because when I bring it up, I'm at my wit's end with him.
Tonight was a typical night. At 7:00 we were all in bed, snuggling and watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He had his comfort measures (bottle, paci) and by 7:30 teeth were brushed and we were ready for lights out. Then Justin becomes Mr. Clingy and thinks it's unfair that I'm nursing Juliet to get her sleepy so I can put her in bed. So he hangs over the edge of the queen-sized bed he sleeps in to stare at us on the twin bed pushed next to his bed (in case he falls out). He complains he's hungry, too, for the third night in a row at this exact time. He climbs down onto my bed twice and has to be moved back to his bed. He finishes his bottle of water and asks for a refill. He drops the bottle onto his sister's head when I refuse. He then threatens to hit me, but his paci falls out of his mouth onto my bed when he says this, so he starts screaming for it back. Juliet wakes up and starts howling again. I tell Justin if he can't be quiet, Juliet and I will go to the living room until he's asleep. He starts crying and screaming. He demands that the tv be turned back on. He blows raspberries on us, and he just got over the stomach flu and a 3-day fever. We leave and he follows, so I block the door with the baby gate. He yells at us from the gate for about 4 minutes before I return to the room and tell him to get into bed. He jumps into my bed and promptly throws up on the pillow. He throws up almost every time he cries for a few minutes. I move him into the bathtub while he continues vomiting everything up he's eaten in the past few hours. Meanwhile Juliet is screaming, so I bring her back into the bedroom and put her in the crib. I get Justin bathed and changed and back into bed with a new paci and bottle, get my bedding changed and laundry started, and turn out the lights. Meanwhile Juliet has fallen asleep crying. Then Justin starts talking, Juliet wakes up, and we start all over again. I get them both to sleep, and Juliet wakes up because she's refluxing, so Justin wakes again. We finally all fall asleep from exhaustion about two hours after we initially turned out the lights. This is not an extreme night, but a typical night. And Justin wakes before everyone else in the morning as well, and immediately starts talking and wants to get up, play, have the tv on, get a bottle, have his diaper changed . . . usually after only 8-9 hours of sleep.
Ugh. How do I move a child who keeps everyone else awake into his own room if he cries at the mere thought of having to go to sleep by himself in his usual bed and bedroom without mom there, and who vomits after crying for only a few minutes? If I had another twin bed, I'd start with nap times, but I only have one bed for him so it's got to be in his room or mine. I've thought about sleeping in the queen bed again with him while keeping the twin bed in his room, but we keep each other up when we're in the same bed. And I've tried rationalizing with him over and over that in order for him to sleep in the bedroom, he needs to be quiet. It just doesn't get through. How would you handle this?
This week I've been transitioning Juliet to a new "crib" for babies with reflux. At the same time, I'd really like to get Justin sleeping in his own room. We've talked about it a few times, but it's always come across as a threat or punishment because when I bring it up, I'm at my wit's end with him.
Tonight was a typical night. At 7:00 we were all in bed, snuggling and watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He had his comfort measures (bottle, paci) and by 7:30 teeth were brushed and we were ready for lights out. Then Justin becomes Mr. Clingy and thinks it's unfair that I'm nursing Juliet to get her sleepy so I can put her in bed. So he hangs over the edge of the queen-sized bed he sleeps in to stare at us on the twin bed pushed next to his bed (in case he falls out). He complains he's hungry, too, for the third night in a row at this exact time. He climbs down onto my bed twice and has to be moved back to his bed. He finishes his bottle of water and asks for a refill. He drops the bottle onto his sister's head when I refuse. He then threatens to hit me, but his paci falls out of his mouth onto my bed when he says this, so he starts screaming for it back. Juliet wakes up and starts howling again. I tell Justin if he can't be quiet, Juliet and I will go to the living room until he's asleep. He starts crying and screaming. He demands that the tv be turned back on. He blows raspberries on us, and he just got over the stomach flu and a 3-day fever. We leave and he follows, so I block the door with the baby gate. He yells at us from the gate for about 4 minutes before I return to the room and tell him to get into bed. He jumps into my bed and promptly throws up on the pillow. He throws up almost every time he cries for a few minutes. I move him into the bathtub while he continues vomiting everything up he's eaten in the past few hours. Meanwhile Juliet is screaming, so I bring her back into the bedroom and put her in the crib. I get Justin bathed and changed and back into bed with a new paci and bottle, get my bedding changed and laundry started, and turn out the lights. Meanwhile Juliet has fallen asleep crying. Then Justin starts talking, Juliet wakes up, and we start all over again. I get them both to sleep, and Juliet wakes up because she's refluxing, so Justin wakes again. We finally all fall asleep from exhaustion about two hours after we initially turned out the lights. This is not an extreme night, but a typical night. And Justin wakes before everyone else in the morning as well, and immediately starts talking and wants to get up, play, have the tv on, get a bottle, have his diaper changed . . . usually after only 8-9 hours of sleep.
Ugh. How do I move a child who keeps everyone else awake into his own room if he cries at the mere thought of having to go to sleep by himself in his usual bed and bedroom without mom there, and who vomits after crying for only a few minutes? If I had another twin bed, I'd start with nap times, but I only have one bed for him so it's got to be in his room or mine. I've thought about sleeping in the queen bed again with him while keeping the twin bed in his room, but we keep each other up when we're in the same bed. And I've tried rationalizing with him over and over that in order for him to sleep in the bedroom, he needs to be quiet. It just doesn't get through. How would you handle this?
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My advice is twofold. First, Justin going to his room or bed should never be punitive. Punish him and hold time-outs somewhere else. Kitchen, living room ... anywhere but a sleeping place. And skip the bathrooms too because potty training is coming up soon and you don't want issues there!
Next, you need to separate from Juliet when it's time to put Justin to bed. Come up with a routine that is about you and Justin (story, snack, brush teeth, nite nite -- whatever order works for you). Right now it probably seems to Justin that bedtime is when he's alone and you and Juliet are together. So on top of plain not wanting to go to sleep, you're dealing with jealousy and separation issues.
Shiloh did the throwing up thing a couple of times around age two and I am soooooooooo happy that was not an ongoing thing!
I have to admit, you've got me scared! Cruz is just a little younger than Justin, and my c-section to have his baby sister is likely going to be 6 weeks from tomorrow. He's been in his own room from 9 weeks, but he tends to be a light sleeper so I'm worried he will wake up every time she does.
Good luck!
I would definitely try to do some of the things the others posted. I know it's hard right now, but I will say it has gotten a lot better.
I had a baby with reflux and I know it is tough. Will she sleep upright? Maybe you could feed her just before his bedtime, then try to get her to sleep for a bit while you put Justin to bed? I think some special Justin & Mom time will help the situation.
There are times when he definitely is very jealous of his sister. This is coupled by the fact that I occasionally have to punish him for some jealous behaviors (hitting or spitting on his sister, for example) which probably makes it worse. It's so frustrating! Last night after he'd throw up, I went to move Juliet to a safe spot while I gave Justin a bath. Meanwhile, he's yelling, "I want my mommy! I want my mommy!" and I'm wondering why he even wants to be near me when I'm being such a grumpy b!*#%. (Guess I've been teaching teenagers too long who would get sullen and avoid me for a day if I gave them a detention.) Even after getting in trouble, he just wanted his mommy, even if she was a grump.
I wish I could clone myself and be there for both of them all the time. Maybe I should try to get Juliet on an earlier bedtime schedule so Justin and I have an hour together at the end of the day. Or perhaps giving her a bottle and then trying a pacifier at the end of the day when she wants to cluster feed would make this an easier time on all of us.
Oh, and if you have anywhere near you that teaches PCIT, that would probably really help. It's a parenting program that you would do together and gives you practice with how to get the most out of limited playtime. And also how to effectively do time outs so that they work and you don't have to yell or threaten. My guess would be that he's feeling really separate, and anything you do to further separate is just going to compound the problem.
It's the transition that's hard. Anything you decide to do is going to work. But finding that perfect one thing that will work without someone crying along the way -- Justin, Juliet, or YOU? Probably not going to happen. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Take heart! You're about to qualify for the Wonder Woman award!
Plus, grampy showed up with a brand new Cars toddler bed, complete with mattress, bedding, and a few sets of sheets. I had shared with him this morning how awful nights were getting. We put it together with Justin, talked it up, called the aunt & uncle to share the big news, took pictures, etc. Then I let Justin choose if he wanted to sleep in the bed or not, and where he wanted it to go. Right now it's in my bedroom and he's in it. (My master bedroom now has a queen bed, twin bed, crib, bassinet, reflux bassinet, and toddler bed. Can you say "crowded"?) It will move into his room soon to become the naptime bed . . . and perhaps more once the memories of me threatening to move him into another bedroom have faded some.
Occasionally, as much as I HATE it, I have to let M cry for a few minutes sometimes until I finish up with the girls. Reason being, if I leave them to tend to him, by the time I calm him down I'll now have 3 crying kids instead! So I finish with them and then give him extra special cuddle time.
I am reading this just for future knowledge and planning. Maggie will hopefully transition to her own room this Spring. I want her in her own room before I bring a little one home - I feel for you, it sounds tough.
Progesterone therapy and baby aspirin daily
Two miscarriages in between (August 2012 - same donor as Maggie, and December 2014 with husband)
Maggie