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Using a KD: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

TheMysticalOneTheMysticalOne Posts: 851 ✭✭
edited May 2012 in Trying to Conceive
I've been considering using a known donor. I would like you guys to share your experiences with me. Did you use a contract? Does he have any contact with the child/future child? How much does he know about you? Does he know a lot or was it pretty much anonymous? Did you request an STD test? Did you travel or did he? Did you send it through the mail and how? Please give me all the info you can. You can pm me too if you want. I have a donor in mind, but am still not sure. Just can't decide...so many things to think about. Gah..

Comments

  • tyme2risetyme2rise Posts: 1,087
    edited November -1
    Our first choice was a close best friend. But it did work for us because he kept putting his input on things he shouldn't. So we moved on to a guy I ran across and simply asked him. He was tottaly surprised. And accepted. He is going to get tested and we told him we would pay for the test. Now the hard part. We all have to meet sign agreements that he will have no part in the kids life. And we wont go after him for child support! After we sign that paperwork .. its on to when and where he supplies us with his goodies!
    Some day my dreams will come true!
  • LoveShackBabyLoveShackBaby Posts: 118
    edited November -1
    We met on a donor website. We met in public and talked for 2 hours about expectations, contractual issues and what he wanted to get out of it. Once we'd agreed upon our terms (no contact after conception unless absolutely necessary) we were all set. He was STD tested and had a sperm test done for all the important things - motility,etc. He did all the testing on his own and had the reports sent to us. We traveled to his home, a comfortable spot for him, and we inseminated at his home also. He retrieved the specimen and drew it into a syringe (originally in a specimen cup) and then we did the insemination in another room. He obviously knows our names and phone numbers, but not our address or where we work. We kept information like that to a minimum because it's not relevant. He has no desire to parent and had been donating to other women for quite some time, with a few successful pregnancies. I did get pregnant with this known donor but I miscarried at 6 weeks. After a year with him, we've moved on to frozen sperm for 3 months and in the fall we'll revisit him if this doesn't work.
  • F2M n SpouseF2M n Spouse Posts: 1,021 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    We just started to use a KD and it's been still pretty stressful. I mean he's super nice but sometimes KD's get too wrapped up into donating too so many other people you could possibly get put on the back burner. Most people sign a contract. There are shipping kits..here's one place
    www.donorhomedelivery.com/

    But typically people only do one kit per cycle. So you don't receive the kit usually until 24 hours past +OPK. So if you ovulate before or pretty close than this might not be the chose for you. Also you need to worry if your KD is going to donate. Our actually wrote me saying how he over booked himself and wasn't sure he would donate but he did pull through but it was extra/added stress that wasn't needed. But the upside is that's it's cheaper.
    EVERY donor/KD should be tested for STD's. Also, some donors donate like crazy an have ALOT of offspring running around. Some people this bothers, especially Heath and I..So I would make sure if this is something you don't want to run into, ask how many offspring do they plan to produce and if they will donate for siblings.

    Good Luck in your choice :D
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  • HogwaffleHogwaffle Posts: 178
    edited November -1
    Personally, I can't wrap my head around finding a KD online. We talked to two friends about being our KD, one who actually approached us and we started the process but he bailed when he got a new GF. The other is our best guy friend and we are super close with his whole family. When they found out we were talking they were psyched, but they wanted way more to do with the kid (like the guys grandparents would want to see it) than we were willing to commit to.

    After that we did 3 months with NW, but it was expensive so we revisited the idea of a KD and asked a guy I work with and had jokingly talked about it with. He was actually way into it and had been kinda thinking about it for almost a year since we joked about it. We had dinner and hashed out details, he gave us his family history, the good and the bad, we told him how it would be done. He doesn't want anything to do with the kid as far as raising it, but he is open to knowing the kid and at some point letting the kid know who he is if it becomes an issue.

    We paid for his STD test (Planned parenthood, only like 12 bucks) and I sat with him when he called for his results so that I knew for sure that everything was okay. We worried it might be awkward, but we all have the same sort of sense of humor about the whole thing so it is working out. He is committed to doing at drop at our place up to 3 times during the proper window, and last time when that seemed to be too early (OPK, cervix and FF said I would O monday, temping said I hadn't by wensday morning) he was able to come down an extra day. We give him gas money and beer, and sometimes we have dinner and hang before hand.

    The most important thing is that you are comfortable with the arrangement. And of course to get him tested!
  • TheMysticalOneTheMysticalOne Posts: 851 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Thank you all for your honest replies. I know this can be kind of a touchy subject!

    I know everyone's experiences with a KD is unique. I haven't decided on whether or not I would use a contract or not. I know some people INSIST on using it, but I've also read that it doesn't hold up in court at all. So I'm not sure if I want to give that much personal information. I will have to talk about this with the KD I'm talking to. I'm not completely sold on the idea but I know I still have time. The truth is that it's so much more intimate than using a sperm bank. I haven't decided if I like that or NOT. LOL. I do like the cost factor. haha.

    I think I would rather just meet up with him rather than mail it. I'm a little nervous about having to buy the sperm mailer kit and then not having him MAIL it back to me. Maybe I'm just distrustful--I don't know!! Would you ask him how many children have resulted from his "contributions"? I know I would kind of like to know.

    It's so suprising how some of you found KD's through people that you know. That's so great that you didn't have to look for someone on the internet. Makes it a lot easier!

    Why don't they invent sperm donor vending machines and then all will be GOOD!!?? I'll have E5 please!
  • mrslebrewmrslebrew Posts: 344
    edited November -1
    Hello Themysticalone! I was just checking in on you to see how things are going. Hope all is well and you will e TTC again real soon.
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  • Jccwill3Jccwill3 Posts: 687
    edited November -1
    Themysticalone, forgot to check her PMs! Again. :D ttyl.
  • blainersblainers Posts: 194
    edited November -1
    WE have been using one, feel free to PM me
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  • mrslebrewmrslebrew Posts: 344
    edited November -1
    We use one too! First try with KD BFP! We are trying again now. We had MC in May. Good luck to you.
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  • TheMysticalOneTheMysticalOne Posts: 851 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Sorry guys. I actually haven't logged on since the week I wrote this. Been having a hard time, but things are starting to get better. Just going to be honest and say it's been difficult seeing all the BFP's and knowing that I have to wait a while before starting again. Now I'm just deciding on whether I should wait until July (after 2 periods) or Aug. (after 3) to start again. I did pm you both back, though!

    As for the KD issue, I'm still not sure of whether or not I'm going to do it. I've gone back and forth with the idea and keep going back to the cryobank. But I have a little extra time to decide. Thanks to everyone for your help and info!
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