Is there ever a right or perfect time

rara-0313

To add more children to the mix. Olive is now 3 and I've wanted a sibling for her since way before she was even one, but I always told myself I should wait for multiple reasons ex: what if I meet Mrs.right I dont want 2 kids...she will want more together and I dont want more than 2. Will I be able to give Olive the life she has now with an additional child and the list goes on. I've come to the conclusion that I have no idea what my future holds so why am I putting off having a second child? Everything will fall into place, right? Well why am I nervous? How was it for you going from one to two? What made you have another child? For those single moms with one what keeps you from expanding your family?

annerbones

There is never a perfect time to have a child - you just have to trust that things will work out. I planned and planned and planned when I was ttc Maggie. Within 6 weeks of finding out I was pregnant everything imploded.

When I think about having #2 - I think about waiting until Maggie is in Kindergarten or almost in Kindergarten for many reasons she will be in school all day so that will help with daycare costs, she will be older and more able to understand what is happening and I think it will be easier financially. With all that planning anything could happen in the next 3 years. I had planned on TTC next month but now I am really on the fence about it.

K&H

We haven't started ttc #2 yet either. I keep thinking that things will fall into place and feel right, but what if they don't? We need to just jump with both feet I think.

rara-0313

Olive will be starting school this fall so yay for no more daycare fees . K&H I feel the same way, im just ready to dive in. whatever happens, happen!

Shanny

After feeling this way for a while I actually decided there was never going to be a right time for us - as in when it came down to it I opted out of kid #2. To me the uncertainty of it all spoke volumes. I know that doesn't apply to everyone but I'm very happy with my decision.

old mama

It was hard to go from 1 to 2 not because I didn't want any more children but I worried how it would affect the family and everything seemed to be going so well. I have many children now but it all boils down how much you really want it and how much you are really enjoying life right now with just one child. It does hurt financially with more children that is for sure but I do like a big family.

babybaby

this. exactly. you have voiced exactly what i've been struggling with for the last few months now.

A&J

I am a big planner, but with baby number two we decided to just go for it. We knew without a doubt we wanted to add another child to our family and that we are financially prepared. I love reading and talking with others about the spacing of their children.

The right time seems to be whenever YOU think it is as long as the essentials are taken care of.

mommylove

It was never a question that we wanted to have at least one more child, and we had always loosely planned to start TTC#2 sometime after Sebastian turned 1. When the conversation came up about a month after his 1st birthday we decided we'd just give it a go...two tries later we conceived.

It truly happened faster than we thought it would...but we wouldn't change it for the world! This baby will arrive just two months before our sons 2nd birthday and we have many close friends who have kids aged about the same distance apart...busy sure, but I know it will be so amazing and rewarding to add another little body to our family and make S a big brother.

So yes, never a right or wrong time...as long as you know you want another child and are prepared for the basics at least.

Zen

I like spacing 2-3 years. Aside from that, when you want them is the most perfect time to have them! Finances and age (mine) are contributing factors to Shiloh's being an only child. But I'm keeping the door open to siblings by adoption

Kari

I worried how Justin would feel having to share me with another child, but I know it was the right decision. This summer I have the kids in daycare part-time. Both kids are there two days, then each child is there one additional day but on different days so the other child gets my attention all day. This week after Justin and I went on an outing I told him we would pick up Juliet after his nap but he insisted on picking her up right then because he missed her. He often goes to her when she's crying and makes her laugh. He follows her around the house to help her get the walker out of corners, picks up dropped toys repeatedly, lets me know when she needs something, and is just always interacting with her. Tonight they were laughing so hard because he was brushing his teeth and would stop and tease her by bringing the toothbrush close to her face. It was a riot.

Adding Juliet to our family did create moments of jealousy and temper tantrums, but it also brought hours and hours of very positive interactions as well.

fisch

We started trying just after Jack turned 2. It took us over a year to get pregnant again and there is nearly 3.5 years between them. We are what we call "in the weeds" still. It's a lot of work. Also because Jack has a February birthday he doesn't go to kinder until the fall of 2013....this means another 1.5 years of double daycare/preschool expenses. We knew that, but didn't know quite how hard it would be financially. We can however, see a light at the end of the baby tunnel. Jack is quickly moving entirely out of babyness, and Emerson is growing faster than he did just by watching her older brother. They are so into each other and we are slowly recovering from exhaustion and focusing more on our relationship again. It's a life changing decision, but one I felt with certainty was the right choice for us.

Shaeley Mae

rara-0313 wrote:

How was it for you going from one to two? What made you have another child?

So far, a piece of cake.
But ...... Lilianna still goes to preschool fulltime, so I get lots of downtime with my little man. As well, little man sleeps alot, so I'm able to get lots of stuff done, and still have one-on-one time with Lilianna.

As far as why ....... I felt it was hugely important to give her a sibling. Not only so that she could experience that bond, and hopefully have a lifelong best friend, but also so that one day when she's a teenager, and screams "Mom, you just don't get it", she'll have someone else there who hopefully WILL get it. KWIM?

jenoglv

I've gone back and forth and back and forth on when to have another baby. Right now it would be horrible timing on so many levels. I need to commit to finishing school and I know that if I added a baby during that time, it would be extremely hard. Plus, I mentally couldn't handle having a newborn with the stage of life Rhys is currently in. I'm kinda glad that "life" is forcing me to wait another couple years. I hope by that time, we are past all the toddler drama and we both can adjust to adding a new family member. My goal is to finish nursing school, get a job and then start TTC.

rara-0313

Thanks so much for the feedback! You all make valid points and made choices based off of your lifestyle and home structure. I admire alot of you who have children during career changes, income decreases, etc.... You all always seem to find a way to "make it". I am only 27 I know...i,know im young but I feel old lol. I.too want Olive to have a sibling to.bond with, to grow up with.and someone who gets what its like to be conceived via sperm bank. I think 4 years is a good age gap infact I would have done it sooner. Olive will be in regular school this fall so I wont have to worry about 2 children in daycare, thank goodness. I can only hope my second child will be as easy as Olive was, but im sure that wont happen :-). Now that ive made up my mind now its time for the stressful part, picking a donor! Thanks again ladies!

michgirl

GOOD LUCK! I think I am going to try again after the new year, I still have a few (lot) of pounds I would like to loose first

rara-0313

michgirl wrote:

GOOD LUCK! I think I am going to try again after the new year, I still have a few (lot) of pounds I would like to loose first

exactly what I was thinking! Starting after the new year and try to shed some lbs inbetween time.

Zen

coryandamanda wrote:

We are STILL getting to where we want to be in life and we are TTC #4.

I read this and wanted to high-five my computer screen!!!