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Back on this side... (loss mentioned)

OneSmallStepOneSmallStep Posts: 1,685
edited November -1 in Trying to Conceive
I'm very sad to say that unfortunately we lost our baby tonight at 5wks6days. I won't lie, it sucks a lot. It's crazy how much love can be had for someone who was so itty bitty. We saw what DW passed and I'm pretty sure she's passed it all. We're hopeful for her cycle to come back okay so that we can try again.

I've always been a firm believer there's a reason for everything, and at the end of our ER visit tonight I think we found it. The Dr. came back and told us that the ultrasound was inconclusive, it wasn't bad or good, it just wasn't - they couldn't find the baby (DW passed the baby when we got home.) She also told us that the HCG levels were 30, and that since it was so early in pregnancy that's not necessarily bad. She tried to tell us that maybe we had the dates wrong. We kept saying no we know, and then out of no where my mouth decided to share how we knew. I told her about how I have a birth defect and that I have no sperm, and how we used a donor. This is something I rarely share.

After the Dr. left the nurse started to ask questions about it. I thought oh no, but then it took another twist. It turns out she was thinking about being a SMBC and that she had thought adoption would be her only option. She was elated to hear about NW and how donor sperm can work. So we shared with her about NW and this forum. It makes me fee like maybe our baby gave her (I've had a strong feeling she was a her from the first bfp,) but ya, it feels to me like maybe our baby gave her little life so that another baby would have a chance at being made. I know it's probably weird sounding, but it makes me feel a little better and makes me feel proud. I know it's probably stupid or something but hey I'm a grieving Dad and my brain prefers to make sense of things.

But ya, I'll probably have some q's about mc's and ttc'ng in a few days but for now I'm just feeling really really sad. :'(
Hubby of kopykat451
TTC #1 5/16/11 = BFP 14 DPI / TTC #2 11/16/12 = No O; 4/12/13= BFN; 6/9/13 = BFP!! (11 DPI) - MC 5wk5dys / TTC#3 3 BFN's and 4th try 10/21/13 = BFP!!!! (Squinter at 10dpi!)
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Comments

  • scorpiogrl7scorpiogrl7 Posts: 1,386
    edited November -1
    So, so sorry to hear this.
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  • IbelieveIbelieve Posts: 471
    edited November -1
    I am so sorry. :(
  • Joab412Joab412 Posts: 54
    edited November -1
    I am so sorry to hear about your loss.
  • MummyBirdMummyBird Posts: 126
    edited November -1
    I am so sorry for your loss
    Was all set to use NW, but found a known donor.
    2013 - 3 BFNs
    2014 - 7 BFNs
    2015 - 4 BFNs
    2016 - Feb BFN
  • aplusaaplusa Posts: 1,919
    edited November -1
    I am so incredibly sorry to hear this, OSS. I know you and K will give each other support as you both grieve. I am glad you are already finding some comfort and meaning in her short life. Big hugs. :(
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    Lucky Cycle 14: IVF!! Antagonist Cycle with Lupron Trigger
  • EMG_RELEMG_REL Posts: 2,379
    edited November -1
    I'm so sorry. I totally understand your need to make sense of things and look for signs and reasons, so don't feel silly at all. I'll be thinking about you.
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  • Shannon in MAShannon in MA Posts: 136
    edited November -1
    I'm so sorry for your loss.
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  • old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682
    edited November -1
    I am really sorry.
  • beyondobsessedbeyondobsessed Posts: 804
    edited November -1
    So sorry to hear this :( Will be thinking of you both.
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  • annerbonesannerbones Posts: 1,812
    edited November -1
    I miscarried at 5w6d last summer, I had a lot of healing to do and wasn't ready to try again until after my due date came and went. If you need anything let me know.
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    Progesterone therapy and baby aspirin daily

    Two miscarriages in between (August 2012 - same donor as Maggie, and December 2014 with husband)
    Maggie
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  • Ent9Ent9 Posts: 215
    edited November -1
    I am very sorry for your loss.
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  • jenandlorijenandlori Posts: 584
    edited November -1
    I am so sorry for your loss. MC are never easy :(
    Baby Dallas born 11/27/13

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  • FlowergirlFlowergirl Posts: 2,040
    edited November -1
    I am so so sorry... You are in my thoughts and prayers today and in the future. Take all the time you need to heal - and how inspiring, that your loss became someone else's hope - and you being willing to allow that, is amazing. (((Hugs))) if you need ANYTHING, let me know!
    After 9 yrs & 1 devastating loss, we got our BFP at 9DPO ~ and welcomed our beautiful son on Halloween! Best treat ever!!

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  • graceinflgraceinfl Posts: 1,743
    edited November -1
    I am so very sorry. Big hugs to you, K, and lil D. I told mom and E and they both send their condolences also.
  • MNmommasMNmommas Posts: 1,081
    edited November -1
    *hugs* Losing baby is so, so sad, even in the early weeks. :( You guys are in our thoughts. It is sweet to see the purpose in your baby's life even though it was so short. I always pictured our miscarried baby as a girl too, and reasoned that she just wasn't ready to come so soon after R, that she wanted to wait a bit longer and give us some time alone with R. Take care of each other over there, I hope you are all able to take some time just to grieve.

    As far as TTC after a miscarriage, our midwife said as soon as HCG levels were down to 0 and we tracked a regular menstrual cycle, we'd be physically good to go. Typically a month or two after the miscarriage completed. And then of course, waiting as long as needed to be emotionally ready.
    Donor 7070, births 2012 & 2013
  • gonnabeamommasoongonnabeamommasoon Posts: 257
    edited November -1
    Your story made me cry! I am just so sorry about your lose. But i love the way you look at it. Your daughter gave her life for another child. There is no greater honor than laying down your own life for someone elses. I would be proud too. I hope you and your wife heal fast and you both get your forever baby soon.
  • scifimomscifimom Posts: 1,173
    edited November -1
    I am very sorry to hear this news.

    I think you telling the nurse about NW was a very beautiful thing. Letting her know she can start a family in a safe and whole way is a big blessing.
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  • njmommanjmomma Posts: 531
    edited November -1
    I am so very sorry to hear about this. Big hugs to you and your family.
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  • CRWHNW0909CRWHNW0909 Posts: 599
    edited November -1
    I'm so sorry to hear. Hugs to you guys and keeping ya's in my thoughts.
    04/11/2011=BFN 06/08/2011=BFN 07/05/2011=BFN 11/25/2011=BFP!!
    Beta 1: 2,489 Beta 2: 5,603 TWINS!!
  • edited November -1
    I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It looks like you have found a positive perspective during this difficult time. Wishing you and your wife the best........
    C & D

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  • Jccwill3Jccwill3 Posts: 687
    edited November -1
    Sorry to read this. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers while you endure this tragic loss.
  • JayJayJayJay Posts: 1,192
    edited November -1
    It doesn't sound stupid at all - I feel the same way as you. I believe that every person put on this earth has a purpose, and sadly some of us fulfil our purposes far too early. But you three have a little person waiting for you on the other side now and that's not such a bad thing to have. Still it's a horrible, horrible loss and I am so sorry you have to go through this. I really can't imagine what you are going through. Take care of yourselves.
  • tyme2risetyme2rise Posts: 1,087
    edited November -1
    I'm sorry. For your loss.
    Some day my dreams will come true!
  • poems0431poems0431 Posts: 337
    edited November -1
    Sorry for your loss.
    IT'S A BOY!
    1st beta 456 at 15dpo
    2nd beta 6000 at 22 dpo
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  • Jen727BFJen727BF Posts: 2,304
    edited November -1
    I am so so sorry! Many hugs to you & your wife. And FWIW, I also believe everything happens for a reason.
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    TTC No. 2 since Aug. 2014; IVF #1 - Cxld; IVF #2 - BFN
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