Welcome to our new forum! All existing NW Cryobank forum users will need to reset their passwords. Click forgot password and enter your email address to receive the link. Email us at [email protected] with any questions.

I'm a little frustrated and just plain irritated!

blkbrd3blkbrd3 Posts: 1,221 ✭✭
edited November -1 in Pregnancy and Babies
Make no mistakes. Let there be no misunderstandings. This is a snit fit.

My RE is a sweet man. Now that we've looked at the baby twice and completed preliminary blood work, he'd like to transfer me to an OB. This seems more than reasonable.

I'm irritated with the healthcare politics in this town. Essentially an OB won't consult with you or follow your care if you're considering or exploring a home birth. Like the appointment you discuss it is your last unless you make a commitment to a hospital birth.

Further more, doctors will deliver at one of the two hospitals in town. Most doctors will not deliver at both. I'm exasperated that at 9 weeks I have to schedule tours of both hospitals and the sole birth center in town before I can pick an OB because my prenatal care provider might not like working at the location I want to give birth in.

The scheduling process for tours is frustrating. It seems to me that birth is big business since there's a steady flow of population growth in our community. Why can't I expect to speak with a person when I call? Gosh, I employ someone to manage my business schedule. This seems to be a common business practice in the area and the nation. Why is it that they're not following this practice?

Why are the hospital staff so shocked when I discuss my reasons why I want a tour? The assumption seems to be that I'll just give birth at a hospital that my doctor selected to practice at. In this town questioning the system is part of our community identity, why would they think I'd blindly follow? Not this woman. My medical dollars and out of pocket dollars will be spent creating the safest and most nurturing experience for both baby and I.

I'm also really ticked off that my health insurance won't cover a midwife if I select a home delivery. I don't know if home birth is for me and I can appreciate why insurance companies might have concerns about birthing at home... but I'd like the plan I pay for to contribute to the cost of pre- and/ or postnatal examinations with a midwife not associated with the local hospital controlled birthing center. A local midwife has got to be a hell of a lot cheaper than an OB (they run roughly $265 for 10 minutes.) It's a waste not to support cost effective pre- and postnatal health care that provides more medical safety net in some situations.

I don't know the schedule is for postnatal care with an OB, but I like the idea of the baby and I being looked after well and frequently in the days following birth within our home. I don't know how mobile I'll be after birthing a child. I don't know if by day two or three I'll be ready to drive to get help if baby or I aren't feeling well.

This situation is a mess that has left me feeling irritated and frustrated. I wish I could say this was a mood swing and that it will pass. I'm sad to admit that I don't think it is.

Thank you for listening.

Comments

  • K&HK&H Posts: 3,368
    edited November -1
    I hear you! When I get pregnant I will likely want midwife care, which leaves me with two options, luckily both paid for by insurance. However. These are very medical midwives, and the one where we had E is now 45 min away, with no traffic (like that'll ever happen), but the one that is literally three minutes away, both the office and the hospital, is a "higher tier", so it costs triple for exactly the same thing!!
    I hate it.
    GOzIm4.png
    hAO7m4.png
    CmQMm4.png
  • irisgrace61irisgrace61 Posts: 203
    edited November -1
    i hear you! it is illegal for assisted homebirths in my state - I was seeing a doc - one of 2 that are supportive of VBACS, in a VERY large town & they changed hospitals - I didn't want to deliver at the new hospital - so now, I drive over an hour, each way, to a midwife practice that has a birth center - it is BS!

    hoping you find the right fit!
  • scorpiogrl7scorpiogrl7 Posts: 1,386
    edited November -1
    I hear you. I would rather have a midwife in a birthing center, but alas, the one birthing center in the area just closed, and they did not take insurance, so I would have had to pay completely out of pocket. Not going to happen!

    I also would like a midwife in a hospital birth, as opposed to an OB, but because of my age, the fact that I got pregnant through IVF, and a previous early mc, I amconsidered high risk so I have to see an OB (and MFM 3-4 times before it's all over).

    I did not want to go to the big main hospital at which so many people here have their babies, just because I already knew they don't have private rooms, it's kind of a "baby factory", and I don't agree with the politics of the company that owns the hospital. No need to tour. I already know it's run as a business and has a high cesarean rate. So I am going to a new OB practice so that I can deliver in a different hospital which has birthing tanks, doulas on staff, private rooms, better food, more follow-up care, and better lactation consultants. Is it my ideal situation for birthing? No. But it's the best I can get for what my insurance will cover.
    ZVvim5.png
  • cocobaycocobay Posts: 1,318
    edited November -1
    Totally get it. Assisted home births are illegal in my state and I'm having to drive to another state in labor to give birth in a cottage my midwife allows women to birth in. Insurance doesn't cover my home birth and we are paying out of pocket--- insane!! But to me it's totally worth every penny and every bit of stress.
  • JayJayJayJay Posts: 1,192
    edited November -1
    I'm sorry you're so frustrated! After my scary birthing experience at a sub-par hospital I will tell you the hospital you deliver at matters greatly. And I will strongly encourage you to select the one that is most well equipped to handle scary situations, NOT the one that is most warm and fuzzy. They likely will not be the same. I delivered at a VERY warm an fuzzy and beautiful hospital....and when things unexpectedly went south for me I almost died because they were not prepared to handle the situation in the way I know the hospital I wished I had been at would have, after my delivery I also feel like BEGGING everyone considering home births to reconsider. If I had been at home or at a birthing center I would have died - no question. There would not have been time to get me to a hospital. And with me I would have been a prime candidate for a home birth. Baby and I both looke absolutely perfect the entire pregnancy with no complications whatsoever. I was young strong and healthy with what appeared to be a very average sized baby. You can find my birth story posted a month ago, but basically I tore and hemoraged...,bleeding so quickly they didn't even have to to get me anesthesia. I lost 36% of my blood....at about 40% I would not have survived. I know that many women have wonderful home births but it is very sobering to think that I would not have survived it.

    Anyway try not to worry! Everything seems bigger and more stressful when pregnant but you wil get it all figured out :-)
  • cocobaycocobay Posts: 1,318
    edited November -1
    Jay Jay- I don't want to down play your traumatic birth experience but I really have to step in to clarify a few things. I remember reading your birth story and you saying that the doctors told you that you had to get your baby out immediately because he was in distress. You explained how you pushed using the 1-2-3---10 method and that at one point you didn't stop pushing until he was out. Reason for your tearing.... And I will just assume you were pushing in the lithotomy position.


    None of these things usually happen at a home birth. From my own experience with my midwife, pushing does not happen that way. It's spontaneous and when the mother's body wants to. There isn't continuous fetal monitoring either because that leads to false accusations of baby being in distress. Your pelvis is much smaller in the lithotomy position than any other position as well, so most home birthing women tend to get into a squatting, standing, or hands and knees position which prevents tearing. Lastly my midwife does a perinatal massage with lots of olive oil during pushing to prevent tearing and to allow baby to glide out naturally in his own time. Also if you are in water, you have a less likely chance of tearing.

    I think you are misinformed on a lot of the facts with how a home birth goes. I'm sorry you had such a traumatic experience in the hospital and with your doctor. I'm not saying this matter of factly, but it is likely that you may not have had such an experience had you birthed at home or even with a midwife. Home births aren't for everyone, that's for sure but let's not knock something until we at least know all the facts and information.



    Okay stepping off my soap box now...
  • JayJayJayJay Posts: 1,192
    edited October 2013
    cocobay wrote:
    Jay Jay- I don't want to down play your traumatic birth experience but I really have to step in to clarify a few things. I remember reading your birth story and you saying that the doctors told you that you had to get your baby out immediately because he was in distress. You explained how you pushed using the 1-2-3---10 method and that at one point you didn't stop pushing until he was out. Reason for your tearing.... And I will just assume you were pushing in the lithotomy position.

    .


    None of these things usually happen at a home birth. From my own experience with my midwife, pushing does not happen that way. It's spontaneous and when the mother's body wants to. There isn't continuous fetal monitoring either because that leads to false accusations of baby being in distress. Your pelvis is much smaller in the lithotomy position than any other position as well, so most home birthing women tend to get into a squatting, standing, or hands and knees position which prevents tearing. Lastly my midwife does a perinatal massage with lots of olive oil during pushing to prevent tearing and to allow baby to glide out naturally in his own time. Also if you are in water, you have a less likely chance of tearing.

    I think you are misinformed on a lot of the facts with how a home birth goes. I'm sorry you had such a traumatic experience in the hospital and with your doctor. I'm not saying this matter of factly, but it is likely that you may not have had such an experience had you birthed at home or even with a midwife. Home births aren't for everyone, that's for sure but let's not knock something until we at least know all the facts and information.



    Okay stepping off my soap box now...

    You arent remembering my story correctly. The MIDWIFE....I was delivered by a midwife, not an OB.....told me my baby was in distress to encourage me to get him out quickly, I later learned that he was never in distress at all...his vitals remained steady the entire time. The reason they needed to get him out quickly was because I was in distress. When they told me that I was GUSHING blood around his head and they knew something was very wrong with me. I saw the blood myself in thr mirror. I had already tore, and I was pushin when my body naturally wanted to. I was delivered by a midwife with a very natural approach to delivery, I was only sharing my personal experience and if I had not been in a hospital I would not have made it, plain and simple. The hospital my sister delivered at is right across the street from a natural birthing center, and the nurses there told us they see lots of women come in with severe bleeding issues from hemoraging after birth, just as I did. Mine was just severe enough that I almost certainly wouldn't have had time to get somewhere they could take care of it.

    And unlike you, I DO have all the facts and information about MY birth.
  • JayJayJayJay Posts: 1,192
    edited November -1
    And the reason for my tearing was because I have a very small frame, and a big baby with a big head who came out arm first and crowned far too long because of it. But I appreciate your medical insight.
  • ZenZen Posts: 2,942
    edited November -1
    blkbrd3 - honesty is NOT always the best policy. My advice would be to skip the hospital tours at this point. Check their ratings for NICU's (level 1, 2, 3) just so you're educated and leave it at that. Next on to the OB. You want one who will provide the best PRE-natal care possible. When discussing a birth plan, just tell him/her that you want natural and relaxed with as little medical intervention as possible. And again, leave it at that. Now, on to the midwife. If your insurance will cover a midwife for a planned hospital birth, go with it.

    Now on to your birth plan. Some doctors and midwives say to go to the hospital when contractions reach 8 minutes. Some say 5 minutes. We've all heard and read stories of women who have misjudged timing and given birth at home, in taxis, or en route to hospitals. Insurance didn't drop these women or back-charge them for prenatal care.

    No on to the costs. You have insurance and so you're set for PRE-natal care. Now let's discuss the home birth. Can you find a midwife who makes housecalls? If so, great! And when it's time to have the baby and you misjudge the time you have to get to the hospital, you can get lucky to have the midwife on hand to assist at home! Keep in mind that those final at-home-delivery costs may not be covered by insurance. But everything else should be.

    Disclaimer: I am not a fan of home births. The idea of something going wrong and not having every resource known to man available would terrify me. But that's me. You have a right to do what's right for you. My input was intended to give you a direction for attaining that -- even though it's not a course of action I would personally support :)
    AfUDuhU.jpgAfUDm4.png
  • blkbrd3blkbrd3 Posts: 1,221 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Thank you all for listening and offering feedback. I appreciate it.

    I'm on the fence about a home birth. The potential for a calm environment is attractive. I'm very interested in the inhome postnatal care and breast feeding support that comes after an inhome birth.

    One hospital has a NICU. This is my least favorite hospital for a variety of reasons. My priary concern comes from my recent experiences supporting an elderly adult who was hospitalized three times in 45 days. They really stumbled with a vulnerable adult who could and did advocate for himself and had others advocating for him as well. How well will they listen to my voice when I am vulnerable? How will they tend to my child especially since lots of treatments are mandatory and aren't up for discussion per hospital policy.

    The second hospital doesn't have a NICU. They do have a strong culture of trying to honor and personalize each family's birth ideal. Most nonemergent transfers from inhome births choose this hospital. Emergency transfers go to the closest hospital.

    I start touring next week. Knowing who I am and my need for information, being able to see their facilities and hear about their policies will be a relief. I also have scheduled three OB interviews over the next few weeks too. I'm sure the right choice for me will become apparent although I would appreciate living in a community where everyone could have all the birth choices they wanted.
  • summerfunsummerfun Posts: 511
    edited November -1
    I hope you find the right OB and hospital for you. I loved the hospital I delivered at and was glad I was there with the OB I switched to at 38 weeks. It is important to know you are in good hands. I had complications, blood loss and an emergency c-section so i am glad I was at a good hospital. Keep researching and ask around - hopefully you find a good fit. :-)
    e4d5a024-bfbe-4943-a743-499ff97816a8_zps27bdb2c2.jpg
    Ho0Am5.png
  • ShannyShanny Posts: 2,456
    edited November -1
    I found the birth center to be the perfect happy medium for me (despite being tramsferred eventually). I'm not sure it will be for you as you mentioned after care (and generally at a BC you go home within about 6 hours of giving birth) so that may not be what you are looking for. But I hope you'll look into it regardless. I really loved the peacefulness of pre natal care at the beautiful setting versus an OBGYN's office!
    image_zps64579b54.png
  • shauna2710shauna2710 Posts: 769
    edited November -1
    I loved my experience with the hospital I was on bed rest at and ultimately delivered Avery and Bailey. Now I pretty much live there in the NICU.

    I cried when I was discharged 4 days after the csection. The staff was amazing.
    Cycle 6 was my lucky cycle! BFP!!!
    EDD 12/13/2013
    It's identical TWINS! They're GIRLS!
    7/20/2013 Sweet Baby A lost her battle with IUGR.
    8/26/2013 Feisty Baby B was born via emergency CSection 16 weeks premature
Sign In or Register to comment.