Hoping for a baby for our 5th anniversary....

kelleymel

It took us 8 at home attempts, 2 RE IUI's and a round of IVF to finally get pregnant. believe me, this forum is filled with people who feel like you do. You talked a lot about adoption because IVF is too expensive and not a guarantee. Not to be a negative nellie, but adoption is crazy expensive and is also not a guarantee. Personally, before I went the adoption route (especially being a same sex couple - which depending on where you live can make things very difficult) I would at least have all of the tests run and have a fertility Dr evaluate your chances with IVF. Everyone on this forum, for the most part, that has done IVF also had a post about "how in the world am I going to be able to afford this". You plan, you save, you ask for help from family, you take out a fertility loan - you just make it work.

ana8284

Thanks ladies sorry for the delayed response, I've been out of town. Thank you for your support and encouragement. I guess my thing with adoption vs IVF costs right now at least is other than the home study and the attorney retainer fee we aren't out a ton of money until there is a potential child in place since we are doing most of the leg work ourselves. I think though too emotionally going through IVF if it didn't work I would be devastated which I know is a possibility no matter which route we go but I just can't think about going through IVF right now. We are still looking at a known donor so that is still an option too, I'm just kind of overwhelmed with everything now especially after spending the weekend with my pregnant 19yo sister-in-law.

Patienceisavirtue

Hi ana8284, Just wanted to say hi and that I am still thinking about you. All your options sound really overwhelming right now and it is just exacerbated by the fact that nothing is guaranteed. This process is the worst...like pull your hair out, have a tantrum, and cry for days on end. If I were in your shoes, I would take a few days off and not think about any of the options. Just clear my head and then on the third day, I make pros and cons lists because it helps organize my mind. Maybe finding a way to relax a little will help your mind see all the possibilities more clearly. (Way easier said than done!)

Prior to getting pregnant, my sister, my SIL, supervisor at work, friend, and wife's BFF all had babies a few months apart from each other. Now, my best friend is in the same boat where I, her niece, supervisor, and several co-workers are all pregnant. She is having a really tough time with it all but I told her that maybe before you get pregnant you have to be tortured by everyone else being pregnant as a right of passage or something.

ana8284

Thanks patienceisavirtue, I really appreciate your thoughts! You are right and that is exactly what I had decided to do. I still haven't reopened the adoption paperwork and we are meeting the potential known donor on Saturday for dinner. I then have set up an appointment with a therapist who specializes in infertility but has been through the adoption process herself for August 4th. I am going to wait until after my appointment with her for my wife and I to start the decision process so I can allow myself to recover a bit and clear my mind. My 30th birthday is on the 2nd so I've decided I'm going to treat myself that weekend and go do some pampering and then I have a massage booked on the 4th after my therapist appointment to hopefully let some of the stress melt away! Thanks again to everyone for your support and encouragement, I truly hope that one day no matter which way it comes I'll be able to know that I got through this and am now a mother.

Patienceisavirtue

Hopefully all the plans you have in place will help you sort through all the options you have available. It sounds like you will have some fun soon and be able to relax. Enjoy! And happy early birthday! I got my BFP 4 days before my 30th so maybe being 30 will be a good thing!

ana8284

Leo horoscope for Jul 24 2014
A watched pot never boils. A trip to someplace exciting or longed for seems endless until you arrive. You are now immersed in a journey of some kind, Leo, though it probably isn't a physical journey where you travel from here to there. It is something that you began way back when, and it seems to be taking forever to reach your destination - but that's only because you have such a deep longing for it. Stop concentrating on the time and the process itself, and try to enjoy the experience of it instead. You will get there.


Well I definitely hope that the above is true! I have to say that I'm feeling a bit encouraged today. We had our first e-mail conversation with our potential Known Donor yesterday and so far I'm feeling very optimistic about the possibilities. I sent him a draft of the donor agreement and of course we discussed STD and genetic testic all of which at this point he is good with. He unfortunately is unable to meet with us this weekend to discuss more as we originally planned and so it's going to be mid August before we can meet but we are having some good back and forth coversations and he seems to take this very seriously and understands his role as a donor. As I've mentioned before he is a longtime friend of a friend so at least we have someone to vouch for him. It's looking like at least September or October that we will be able to start this process if all works out but I have hope for the first time in a few weeks!

kelleymel

If you have only tried 7 times, I wouldn't think it was time to throw in the towel and give up (not that adoption is giving up - for the record).

Have you had a HSG run? and all of your blood work? Maybe you said so above, but I didn't catch that.

I know it can be frustrating when people get pregnant after 1 or 2 attempts, but by and large, most people take much longer. It took us 11 attempts and the 11th try was IVF. Our hetero friends have taken a year or more. Most women on this forum have had it take about a year or more.

Hang in there. I know firsthand how heart breaking it is, but don't give up hope.

ana8284

Hi kelleymel! Just added to my post from earlier. All 7 times have been with the RE so that's more where we were having our frustrations from is how much longer are we going to keep paying for the drugs and the u/s monitoring and the procedure before we move on to something else. Not to mention the emotional toll that I've been through every time we've done it. I have had an HSG run which showed no blockages. My only known fertility struggle other than not having access to sperm is PCOS. We are looking at the option of the known donor which I'm feeling encouraged about and we are thinking we will simultaneously start the adoption process so that way if we do get pregnant the home study part will be over for my wife hopefully opening the door to her adopting our child once it's born, if we don't get pregnant then we would be already in the running to adopt. Thanks for your encouragement!

kelleymel

ah, yeah. 7 times with an RE and cryo sperm is very expensive. I think each of our IUI RE cycles was about $2500

ana8284

Feeling quite encouraged today! So last month on CD14 after using Clomid days 3-7 I had 0 measurable follicles so a I started taking a supplement that I ordered but hadn't arrived in time to start for that cycle so I started the Clomid instead. Within 5 days I got EWCM so I went back for an U/S and there was an 18mm follicle. I wrote that month off to coincidence. Now this month we aren't trying so I started the supplement DIM-PLUS again the first day of my cycle and yesterday on CD14 I had gobs of EWCM and when I tested last night the OPK was super close to positive. When I tested this morning it came up positive immediately! Could be coincidence again but I haven't done anything else differently. I was diagnosed with PCOS several years ago and had been on Glumetza (a form of Metformin) for over 2 years and have still had long cycles. Even with Clomid day 18-20 is normal for me for ovulation. Without Clomid it can go towards day 22-25 so to have a surge on CD15 is a big deal for me and I'm hoping it's not just a fluke! Hoping things work out with the known donor so we can try in a month or so!

ana8284

It's so funny the effect our dreams can have on us. I've been having pretty crazy vivid dreams for the past few weeks anyway but last night I had two separate dreams about finding out I was pregnant later in my pregnancy. The first one I had gone to the doc to confirm ovulation was near and instead there was a baby. The doc was in a hurry so he didn't tell me how far along I was or anything though I begged him to do the u/s again and he wouldn't. He did slip and tell me it was a boy however. So I wake up and go to the bathroom then come back and go back to sleep. This time I dreamed that I decided to take a pregnancy test even though I knew I wasn't pregnant because my body had felt off and it came back "pregnant 11 weeks" and apparently it had some type of technology that you plugged it into the computer and it gave you more info and it also told me I was having a boy. So I wake up this morning and even though I knew for sure the test would be negative (which need less to say it was) I just had to take a test with my dreams being so crazy. The funny thing is that I would have been close to 11 weeks had my last IUI worked.

We meet out potential known donor next Sunday. I'm really hoping this arrangement works out. We are still trying to figure out if we want to try a cycle or two with him (considering we go through with the agreement) or if we want to go ahead and get the process going. I still am completely overwhelmed with the thought of opening that paperwork again....

ana8284

So we met with our potential known donor today and it went great! We absolutely love him and feel like this could be a really good fit. We are going to take the next few days to think it over and he is as well, but if we both agree we will be on our way! The one thing my wife and I are in disagreement with right now is his level of involvement. While I feel like we should make it an 18 year old decision, my wife feels like he should be able to see the child a couple of times a year but while I feel like he is trustworthy, I feel like it opens us up to the potential of future visitation issues. We are going to talk it over some more but I'm definitely a "what if" kind of person and can just think of a million scenarios that could happen. My wife is of the mindset that taking the mystery out of the donor's identity will make it better for the child and us in the long run. We have a lot of thinking and talking to do before finalizing the contract.

ana8284

Well I think we have come to a conclusion about the KD contact that both my wife and I are both happy with. Now we are just waiting to see if the donor agrees.

So what we have decided is to only have pictures and updates sent to the donor but no physical contact UNTIL the child asks about him or the child turns 18 whichever comes first. Doing that keeps us open and honest with our child, but gives us enough time to establish our roles as parents without a third party involved. Also by the time the child is old enough to ask, they will hopefully be old enough to have a better understanding about what the donor's role was in bringing them into this world, but understand that we are his/her parents. So now we are giving the KD time to think about this, we will redraft the contract if he agrees and be on our way hopefully!

ana8284

I haven't heard anything back from our KD yet about whether he agrees to the terms or not. Part of me wants to text him just to make sure he got the e-mail but the other part of me doesn't want to seem pushy etc so I'm not going to. I'm glad he's taking time to think about it even though I'm on pins and needles waiting to find out. I'd rather him really think about it now instead of making a hasty decision that he regrets. If he decides he can't do it without immediate contact then we will of course respect his decision and not think any less of him, but will probably not go the known donor route with anyone else. Then it will be back to the drawing board again!

ana8284

Eeek! Cautiously optimistic, but I talked to our KD this afternoon and he is in agreement with our terms so we are on our way! Next step is STD testing and contract signing, if all of that goes well we will hopefully be able to start trying next month! I have also given him a bottle of Fertiliaid for Men. While I know that even if all of our steps are perfect that there is no guarantee that it will work I'm just happy to have some hope!

ana8284

So we are meeting with our KD to have the paperwork signed this weekend, he goes for his examination and STD testing next week and then it's on! I'm still waiting to ovulate this month, apparently last month with my new supplement was a fluke with my ovulation day coming early. It's okay though, as long as ovulation cooperates next month when we try, it's allowed to be late this month. Just so glad to have some renewed hope. I know there is still no guarantee and I'm not getting my hopes up, but I'm excited to try something new!

ana8284

So annoyed. I was so hopeful that the DIM was my miracle product, but here I sit on CD 23 with no surge. We weren't trying in August, but we do plan to start trying with our KD this month. It's now looking like it will be October before we can try and that makes things challenging as well as our first niece is due October 5th. Seeing as our donor is in DC we can't be in two places at once if our niece makes her arrival when I ovulate. We started Whole 30 today and I'm hopeful that the clean eating for at least the next 30 days will help. Just wish that for once my body would cooperate with me!

ana8284

So I FINALLY got my surge this month on Friday evening CD25, I swear I thought I was going to have an anovulatory month which stunk since we are hoping to try next cycle. So now it looks like I won't ovulate again until early October which I'm hoping will not coincide with our niece's birth but knowing my luck it's definitely possible! I called my RE this morning and asked for a Clomid prescription to hopefully narrow our window a bit especially for our KD's sake. The NP made it sound like they will do it but wants me to call back the 1st day of my cycle so I don't know whether they are going to or not. My DW on the other hand shocked me this weekend by telling me that if I'm not able to conceive after a few months that she would be willing to try. She has always been completely against wanting to carry and part of me actually kind of was happy about that as silly as it sounds, I think it would be kind of hard on me especially if she got pregnant quickly knowing how badly I wanted to carry. But at the end of the day, I know that whether it comes from me, her or we eventually end up adopting, at least we will have fulfilled our dreams of becoming moms.

Patienceisavirtue

Hi! Just thinking about you and wondering how you are....I am excited about all of your recent news/changes. Good luck with the upcoming month!

ana8284

Aww thanks patienceisavirtue! And so excited for you hitting the big 21 weeks! We are hopeful that the change might be just what we need. Luckily I've got a very supportive boss who is really behind us so he understands I might have to leave work for a couple of days at the drop of a hat. It's pretty weird talking about my ovulation schedule with my boss but hey I got to do what I've got to do. I'm unfortunately down with an upper respiratory infection right now and just started getting AF cramps so I'm not a very happy camper right now.

ana8284

Well AF came right on time Saturday, thus begins the waiting game for ovulation so we can pack our bags and make the 2 hour drive to meet our Known Donor. I'm a bit nervous thinking about it. The one and only time we tried at home with frozen sperm was a complete disaster so I can only imagine what it's going to be like with the fresh. I'm excited though, the doc called in my Clomid prescription this morning so I will start it tomorrow and hopefully that will narrow down my ovulation window some. I've also been doing the Whole 30 Eating Plan this month more for general help than anything and I've lost almost 13 pounds and am feeling pretty good health wise. I plan to continue a Paleo type diet plan after the 30th when my 30 days is up and I'm hoping it will have a positive effect on my fertility as well. Our KD is very fit and is vegan so I'm hoping his good health will produce some strong swimmers!

Patienceisavirtue

Awww, I hope you feel better soon! Maybe the lowered immunity will help with conception... That is awesome about the supportive boss!

Good luck with using the fresh swimmers and laugh a lot if things are going a little crazy!

ana8284

Starting Clomid today, decided to do days 5-9 this time instead of 3-7 because as I was thinking back on my old RE appointments I always seemed to have bigger and more follicles with this regimen. I always had at least 2 on days 5-9 where as with days 3-7 I've always only had 1 and they have been smaller. I also by chance ran across a post last night saying that you shouldn't drink Fertilitea with Clomid which prompted me to look up the other supplements I've been taking and have decided to only take my vitamins this round with the Clomid. Who knows what actually works or doesn't work, but I figured that I would try it this way this time. I'm getting excited but as always, trying to remain cautiously optimistic as I've been let down so many times in the past. I suppose only time will tell!

ana8284

So the only rule I have broken on the Whole 30 program is stepping on the scale. While of course my goal is my overall health and training my body to eat better quality foods with a higher nutritional value, other than having problems getting pregnant I don't really suffer with any other ongoing medical conditions for me to be able to gauge whether or not the meal plan is helping them. The scale is one way for me to see that what I'm doing is not in vain and hopefully soon it will reflect in my ability to get pregnant as well. But all of that to say, I'm very excited that as of this morning I have lost 14.2 lbs so far this month! I have another 4 days of the program (though I think I'm going to stay on it completely for at least another month) but I can definitely see what a diffence it is making, not only in my weight but in the way that I view food. Before, I would have a big lunch and then start getting hunger pains by 3. Now I'm full with a very sensible smaller lunch and sometimes I might want a piece of fruit or something in the afternoon, but most of the time it stays in my lunchbox. No matter what this is definitely helping my health, but I hope that it results in a BFP too!

ana8284

So I had a random thought today. Our KD as I've mentioned lives about 2 hours away but he has always said that if ovulation happens on a weekend that he would be happy to come to us. So I got to thinking that next weekend will put me at CD 15-16. Now normally with Clomid I'm a day 18-19 girl but since it was so close I thought that maybe I would ask him to come down and do one try, for two reasons since fresh sperm lives longer then we would already have one attempt under our belt and since this is new territory for both of us, we figured that no matter what it was good to have a trial run. We may end up in DC a day or two later and that's fine but just thought I would have a go at it! And who knows the combination of my weight loss and Clomid might make things speed up a bit so we might be meant to do it then anyway. Here goes nothing!

ana8284

So my last day of Whole 30 was yesterday and I lost 16.2 lbs during the month of September! Very happy with my accomplishment and I plan to kleep going. It can't do anything but help! I am moving more to a Paleo type platform instead of strictly Whole 30 but they really aren't that much different. I made some Paleo brownies last night as my sweet tooth really started calling the last couple of days and they turned out really good! Sure they aren't chalked full of sugar and other carboliciousness (though I'm sure the calorie content is still quite high) but it helped curb the craving without introducing grain products back into my diet. Now fingers crossed that the weight loss and better eating habits will help with the PCOS and fertility!

ana8284

Well still no LH surge and no more than a few drops of EWCM I think it's probably a little too early. We did do a trial run with our donor today which went pretty smoothly, I must have been away from guys for a long time as I really thought there would be more special sauce but I asked Google after and it looks like it was about an average amount haha. So now just waiting to surge and we will get to trying! I'm still experiencing cramping and bloating for some reason. Last night it was pretty strong but today more just feels like I had a good about work out. Not sure why that's happening guess it could relate to the clomid.

ana8284

Well started to get a decent amount of EWCM this morning so hopefully ovulation is right around the corner! Makes me glad that we went ahead and did the trial run yesterday, especially since it's fresh maybe that might boost our odds a little. Still having cramping and bloating which is odd, but nothing really suprises me with my body. Now just trying to get this surge going and find a decently priced hotel room at the last minute which is seeming to be rather difficult, I guess because congress is back in session but everything seems to be booked up!

ana8284

Well here we are TWW! It's so weird, I've been through this so many times now and it feels so familiar but at the same time it feels brand new. We did the first insem on Wednesday night and things went well. We did a second one Thursday night and the amount of semen our KD produced was very scant, so I'm hoping between the two tries that one of them made it with the right timing. My temp rose this morning and now my boobs are killing me so it does seem like we got in the correct ovulation window, just praying that this works. Our state granted same sex marriages Monday and second parent adoptions today, so what a great week to conceive. Trying to stay grounded, but I'm just praying so hard that this worked.

ana8284

Well here we are 5dpi, not really sure how I feel yet, my nips are still sore, but that's likely ovulation and I had some tummy troubles last night but also likely unrelated. The part of me that wants to feel optimistic is overshadowed in a way from all of my previous disappointments. Also, while I know it only takes one, the volume for both tries was pretty small but especially the second try. Right now I feel pretty neutral which I guess in some ways is the best way to feel at this point in the game. Just trying to get through the next 9 days, hopefully with two beautiful lines at the end!