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You know what sucks? (pity party warning)

K&HK&H Posts: 3,368
edited November -1 in Miscarriage/Loss
Jealousy. It sucks. We watched this stupid movie tonight and the main character's girlfriend was pregnant. Okay, fine, I can handle that... but then they showed her having an ultrasound. A happy, heart-warming, lovely moment of seeing the baby on the screen. It sucked. So much. I've had an ultrasound. Several actually. And none of them were lovely. None of them were heart-warming. None of them were happy. They were all moments of "oh, gosh, um, well. I can't really say anything. You'll have to wait".
I can be okay with not being pregnant right now. I can be okay with a friend who is due at the exact same time I would have been... I think.... I can be okay with ttc again soon... But what if it never happens for me? What if I never get that happy moment? We'll have more kids, I'm sure of that.. In some way, some how, we will... But I really, really, really want to be happily pregnant, successfully pregnant. Why can't I have that? Is this ever going to stop hitting me upside the head when I least expect it?
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Comments

  • starfish2318starfish2318 Posts: 243
    edited November -1
    I am so sorry. It sucks. But in short, no. It will probably not stop hitting you when you least expect it. Even after both DP and I having successful pregnancies after our still birth in 2009, it STILL hits us both when we least expect it. I really hope you are able to have those happy pregnant moments. We never had a stress less ultrasound, ever. When you lose your naivety about pregnancy, it is just unfair.
  • old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682
    edited November -1
    It does suck. I know a woman in the 6 yrs I was trying had 5 children..one set of twins...she could just pop those babies out. I would go to pick my son up from elem. school it seems bellies were popping out all over. It wasn't that I wasn't happy for them...ok most of them...but I wanted that too...sometimes I wanted to scream. There is nothing fair about any of this!
  • TheOtherLovingMomsTheOtherLovingMoms Posts: 1,481
    edited November -1
    It's still hard for my DW and I. Especially since she had to give up her dream of ever carrying a baby to term and giving birth. It will be 3 years this July since her miscarriage and some days are better than others but it still sucks big fat turkey eggs!! I have recently started offering day care in our home and 1 of the little ones I watch has managed to wrap DW around his pinky and she said he makes her heart sing lol. I hope you get your rainbow baby soon. I wish DW would've gotten hers(ours)!!
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    I just turned 50 and fabulous!!! Enjoying life with my amazing family!!
    Mom to Rachel 33, Bethany 30, Rebekah 30, Zachrey 20 and several angel babies
    Grandma to Larissa 11, Brittney 11, Trevor 11, Destiny 7, Jayvin 6, Jackxon 3, Kaleb Joshua Rian 1. Grandbaby #8, Sariah Grace born 11-17-16
  • emlklg444emlklg444 Posts: 645
    edited November -1
    yes this sucks so badly.... went to pick up a second round of cytotec today at the pharmacy to hopefully help me pass this missed miscarriage... and of course there were not one, but two very pregnant women in line too. I had to fight hard to keep from crying :(
    1st daughter born 9/26/2013 (bfp 2nd attempt at home ICI)
    2nd daughter born 3/8/2016 (bfp after 7 attempts at home ICI, 2 miscarriages, 1 D&C)
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