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You know what sucks? (pity party warning)
Jealousy. It sucks. We watched this stupid movie tonight and the main character's girlfriend was pregnant. Okay, fine, I can handle that... but then they showed her having an ultrasound. A happy, heart-warming, lovely moment of seeing the baby on the screen. It sucked. So much. I've had an ultrasound. Several actually. And none of them were lovely. None of them were heart-warming. None of them were happy. They were all moments of "oh, gosh, um, well. I can't really say anything. You'll have to wait".
I can be okay with not being pregnant right now. I can be okay with a friend who is due at the exact same time I would have been... I think.... I can be okay with ttc again soon... But what if it never happens for me? What if I never get that happy moment? We'll have more kids, I'm sure of that.. In some way, some how, we will... But I really, really, really want to be happily pregnant, successfully pregnant. Why can't I have that? Is this ever going to stop hitting me upside the head when I least expect it?
I can be okay with not being pregnant right now. I can be okay with a friend who is due at the exact same time I would have been... I think.... I can be okay with ttc again soon... But what if it never happens for me? What if I never get that happy moment? We'll have more kids, I'm sure of that.. In some way, some how, we will... But I really, really, really want to be happily pregnant, successfully pregnant. Why can't I have that? Is this ever going to stop hitting me upside the head when I least expect it?



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I just turned 50 and fabulous!!! Enjoying life with my amazing family!!
Mom to Rachel 33, Bethany 30, Rebekah 30, Zachrey 20 and several angel babies
Grandma to Larissa 11, Brittney 11, Trevor 11, Destiny 7, Jayvin 6, Jackxon 3, Kaleb Joshua Rian 1. Grandbaby #8, Sariah Grace born 11-17-16
2nd daughter born 3/8/2016 (bfp after 7 attempts at home ICI, 2 miscarriages, 1 D&C)
age 36
age 39