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I'm BACK! (updated)

Alicia&JeffAlicia&Jeff Posts: 221
edited September 2014 in Trying to Conceive
Hi Everyone! I don't know if anyone is still here that I knew but anyways I haven't been on the boards for about 2 and a half years because after our failed IVF in October 2012 I thought we were done with everything donor or pregnancy related. Well now things has suddenly changed. I have returned here because this place has always been my "safe haven" so to speak. So I am back because a few things have happened. Jeff and I started the adoption process last month and have been working on a homestudy and things. That is NOT why I am here now though.

Tonight my sister decided to tell me that she has been thinking a lot about being a "surrogate" for us. She wants to do this by using HER egg and a IUI insemination with our donor sperm that we haven't had the heart to destroy at our clinic. I guess my first question would be is this even legal? Is it something that our clinic would even agree to do? I have heard of sisters being a surrogate but having to do IVF with donor eggs and donor sperm. I really don't want to put her through IVF because it was a miserable experience for me. We know she can conceive naturally because she gave me a beautiful nephew on my birthday last year of all days. So would IVF really be necessary? I think we should talk to a lawyer to figure out the legal aspects of it but I am just not sure where to begin. I tried to google some other similar situations but haven't found anything that explains it. They usually just tell the beautiful story and leave out all the logistics.

Has anyone else done this? Known someone who has done it or anything of that nature? Or if you have any input I would really appreciate it.

A little bit of background....Alicia (28) Jeff (30) TTC for 8 years not preventing for 10 years.
Alicia has PCOS and a thyroid disorder and Jeff has a LOW sperm count with LOW motility. Numerous IUI's with clomid and injectables and one very scary IVF have led us to where we are now.
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Comments

  • MNmommasMNmommas Posts: 1,081 ✭
    edited November -1
    Make sure to check with the attorney because the legal aspects vary from state to state but I don't see any reason why you wouldn't be able to use your donor sperm to inseminate your sister. Are you thinking at-home, RE with a trigger shot & clinic IUI, or somewhere in the middle? At the very least (like if Ohio doesn't allow surrogacy), you could transfer ownership of your sperm into your sister's name, and then she could use it to make a baby that you two adopt. But in that case, you'd have to be able to trust her to follow through with the adoption since she wouldn't have any legal obligations to do so.
    Donor 7070, births 2012 & 2013
  • old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682 ✭
    edited November -1
    Another solution would be to have her sign up through NW. I think it would be awfully complicated to try to transfer that stored frozen embryo unless NW is holding it for you No matter how she gets that sperm you are going to have to do a private adoption..the egg is not yours and the sperm would not be your husbands. Be super careful. I personally know a couple who with the best of intentions on both sides went ahead with idea like yours. When that baby was born the birthmother/surrogate absolutely could not go through with it. It was a losing court battle for the couple who thought they would have a baby out of all this...the birthmother won easily...definitely go through an attorney but know if she changes her mind...you have nothing to stand on...it would be her legal right to do so...I don't want to discourage you and I hope you are able to have a baby in your arms and the best "aunt" in the world to stand by your side. Good Luck.
  • aplusaaplusa Posts: 1,919
    edited November -1
    HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Welcome back!!! I almost said "welcome home." Womp womp.

    I cannot believe it has been 2 years. Jay-sus!

    I just want to say I was going to be a surrogate for my sister many years ago, but the next cycle she got pregnant with one very lucky protocol.

    It would be a beautiful thing for all to do and, yes to all of the above, but as a sister who was discussing it sister to sister.... I couldn't imagine a better way for your sister to usher a niece or nephew into the world. Keep us updated on what you all decide!
    7NZpm4.png
    Lucky Cycle 14: IVF!! Antagonist Cycle with Lupron Trigger
  • coryandamandacoryandamanda Posts: 1,527
    edited November -1
    2 YEARS??!! Wow, time flies. Good luck with both the adoption process and/or surrogate. Exciting!
    July 4, 2015
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  • stwrrstwrr Posts: 455 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    I just wanted to say that I used to carpool with a great father named Brad. His 16 year old son was conceived with his sperm and his wife's sister was the carrier and egg donor. They did the mayo jar approach, but they would have gone to the doctor if necessary. She was an amazing kindhearted soul, and Brad and his wonderful wife treasure that boy for the gift he is.

    The aunt (bio mom) has always been a kind and loving aunt, and never wanted more. She has a wonderful nephew, and they are a very happy, close knit family.

    The couple went on to adopt an unrelated little rascal 8 years later, and have two awesome kids.

    I share this so you can know it does indeed happen. Legally, the bio mother gave up the boy for adoption by Brad and his wife (though he was recognized as the legal father all along). Easy as pie, though a smidge expensive. It worked out wonderfully.

    Just talk it through, in detail, and if everyone is okay with this, pursue it. What a blessing.

    And if it turns out not to be the right thing for your family, keep moving forward.

    :)

    ~ Sandy
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  • merilungmerilung Posts: 1,177
    edited November -1
    I remember you, Alicia! Glad to see you back :)

    Like others have said, I would talk to a lawyer but I don't see why your sister shouldn't be able to donate her egg and surrogate for you! Good luck sweetie, keep us updated!
    TTC since September 2007 - 8 donor insems in 2012, all BFN. DH had varicocele repair #2 1/3/14.
    It worked! Two clomid cycles and two IUI's with injectables all BFN, on to IVF! 3dt of 2 perfect embryos on 12/15/14, BFP 7dp3dt! Frederick Lars born at 37 weeks on 8/15/15!! FET for #2 on 9/29/16 - BFP 5dp5dt!! Bertram Wilder and Mabel Moon born at 28.4 weeks on 3/29/17!
  • ninefireflyninefirefly Posts: 137
    edited November -1
    As others have said, you would of course have to adopt the baby after birth and I doubt any contract you make would hold up in court if she changed her mind after the baby was born. But I don't see why it would be illegal.
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  • tiffspradtiffsprad Posts: 557
    edited November -1
    Hey! Welcome back. I was thinking about you guys recently. I will chime in on what everyone else is saying - yes adoption after the birth is what would be required in our state. Good luck!
  • kstarrkstarr Posts: 1,008
    edited November -1
    this is exciting! i was wondering what your post meant the other day. i didn't want to be nosey. definitely talk to a lawyer, but i really really really hope this works out for you!
    k4xs7.jpg
    ICI #1 April 2012- BFN ICI #2 March 2013 BFN
    DH had vasectomy reversal October 2013. It worked!!!
    Counts are low, varicocele surgery was in August 2014.
    IVF February 2016 w/ICSI transferred 2 perfect blastocysts. It's twins!!!!
    Two perfect, beautiful boys born 10/24/16!!
  • scorpiogrl7scorpiogrl7 Posts: 1,386
    edited November -1
    I remember you! Welcome back!

    I would think that you would have to have her IUI done through an RE/OB office, so thst there is proof of where the sperm came from and thst it was intended for you and Jeff to be parents. Then you'd have to adopt the baby right after birth. It could be risky; I'd make sure you trust your sister 100% before starting anybof the process.
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  • Alicia&JeffAlicia&Jeff Posts: 221
    edited November -1
    *UPDATE*

    Thank you all for your responses! They enabled me to ask the questions that I needed to ask. So basically we have had all the testing done both medical and psychological. We are currently waiting on the results for the psychological and should get those in a couple days. If all that checks out we have another appointment with our RE and she plans on viewing this as my sister getting pregnant with IUI and donor sperm. They really don't need to be involved in any other part. So if all goes well we will be starting an IUI cycle around the 15th of October. We found an amazing attorney that is very familiar with traditional surrogacy and will be able to make up the paperwork/contract even before there is a confirmed pregnancy. We will not have to go through the adoption process with a home-study and everything. We will be the "legal" parents on the birth certificate before we even leave the hospital. I am sure after our next meeting with our RE and attorney I will have more information for everyone but I just wanted to give an update.

    Oh and I know some of you had concerns about my sister changing her mind as well and I just wanted to say that those fears have been laid to rest. She has no interest in raising another child. She is struggling in every way right now as a single mom and knows she couldn't take care of another child. We are super close and I trust her 100% :)
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  • merilungmerilung Posts: 1,177
    edited November -1
    Good luck, Alicia!
    TTC since September 2007 - 8 donor insems in 2012, all BFN. DH had varicocele repair #2 1/3/14.
    It worked! Two clomid cycles and two IUI's with injectables all BFN, on to IVF! 3dt of 2 perfect embryos on 12/15/14, BFP 7dp3dt! Frederick Lars born at 37 weeks on 8/15/15!! FET for #2 on 9/29/16 - BFP 5dp5dt!! Bertram Wilder and Mabel Moon born at 28.4 weeks on 3/29/17!
  • kstarrkstarr Posts: 1,008
    edited November -1
    this is so exciting!! i hope it happens the first month!!! FX :D
    k4xs7.jpg
    ICI #1 April 2012- BFN ICI #2 March 2013 BFN
    DH had vasectomy reversal October 2013. It worked!!!
    Counts are low, varicocele surgery was in August 2014.
    IVF February 2016 w/ICSI transferred 2 perfect blastocysts. It's twins!!!!
    Two perfect, beautiful boys born 10/24/16!!
  • aplusaaplusa Posts: 1,919
    edited November -1
    Yay!!!!!!!!!

    Keep us updated !!
    7NZpm4.png
    Lucky Cycle 14: IVF!! Antagonist Cycle with Lupron Trigger
  • old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682 ✭
    edited November -1
    Wow...I am glad you have things all worked out. I hope that it works the first time for all of you and your baby is growing soon in the borrowed belly...
  • Jen727BFJen727BF Posts: 2,304
    edited November -1
    Hi!! I never saw this post, as I've often wondered how you were doing. Just wanted to tell you I have a friend who did this (surrogate with her egg and donor sperm). Her surrogate got pregnant on the first IUI try. Good luck!!! And please do keep us posted.
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    TTC No. 2 since Aug. 2014; IVF #1 - Cxld; IVF #2 - BFN
  • Alicia&JeffAlicia&Jeff Posts: 221
    edited November -1
    Thank you everyone! I LOVE hearing the stories of first IUI working. It is so encouraging. We have been through 9 years of trying for a baby and never in those 9 years was I as optimistic as I am now. I really think this is going to give us our long awaited family. :)
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