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Grandparents and health

K&HK&H Posts: 3,368 ✭✭
edited November -1 in Parenting and Life
How do you handle health/injury in family?
My mom fell last week and cut her head pretty badly (20+ stitches, major bruising, CT scan for brain trauma, the whole deal). We went to see her the day after and she looks pretty gruesome. E was fine with the idea, but once she saw Gramma she clammed up, hid, and wouldn't talk to her. Absolutely not surprising and totally ok. She has talked to her on the phone since then which went fine, totally normal. We've been talking about our bodies and how they heal themselves and what cells are and why we bruise etc..
I guess I'm more worried about my mom being upset by her upset, you know? But I don't want to avoid it either as that hasn't worked in the past (she was totally upset by my miscarriage and completely 'off' until we explained it to her)..
How do others handle these types of things? My parents arent old, but they're not young either, so maybe this is a road we're headed down? :/
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Comments

  • insearchofadonorinsearchofadonor Posts: 73
    edited February 2015
    I'm so glad you raised this, as last week my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and told to "make it his goal to try and reach Christmas" so now I'm trying to figure out how to explain death/dying/illness etc to my almost 3 year old son (and 11 month old daughter, but she of course is a whole lot younger!) as my two kids and I live with my parents, so he is like a 'dad figure' to my son in particular and they are extremely close. So this will be really hard on him as granddad gets progressively sicker and eventually passes. I don't know what to say/do to make this whole thing as 'painless' as possible for him. So yeah, I'd be very interested also to hear how other people handle these types of things too!
  • EMG_RELEMG_REL Posts: 2,379
    edited November -1
    I'm sorry that happened to your mom! No advice here because nothing of the sort has happened yet with us. I remember so vividly my favorite aunt lying on my grandparents' couch after surgery for uterine cancer; I was five, and I was terrified. I wish someone had explained more to me. I think being open about feelings is the best route, yours included.
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  • gprime11gprime11 Posts: 228
    edited February 2015
    As a hospice nurse I see many kinds of families and patients. The ones that seem to cope with the death of their loved one best are those that are open and honest about the situation, from both sides of things. Asking your child if they are scared, confused, sad, indifferent is a good place to start. As with any emotional situation, they don't always have the words to express how they feel, or may have no feelings at all when it comes to actual death. Even kids that can explain the process have a hard time grasping the concept of loss and death. From a patient perspective, honesty is also important. Tell them your child is scared or unsure. They may be dying but most people still have the ability to understand that kids see things differently.

    insearchofadonor it may be a good idea to look into hospuce organizations in your area. Ours, and most others, provide bereavement support services for families up to a year after the death of a lived one. We have special people and groups to help children who have lost someone close, or not close. Many times they can meet with you and/or your child before the death to help coping and understanding.
  • ZenZen Posts: 2,942
    edited February 2015
    Kind of reversed here. Shiloh understands "passing away" and knows she has family in heaven. But she has never had to cope with a loss. Her grandfather has cancer but not terminal. She has gone to hospitals and is fine there. I'm hoping that when it is time to deal with death and loss together, the death part will not be scary and we can cope with the sadness of loss as a family.
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  • insearchofadonorinsearchofadonor Posts: 73
    edited November -1
    Thanks gprime11 for that helpful advice re looking into what extra services hospice might have available. I have no idea if they do have those kinds of extra services where I live (since I live in New Zealand!) but fingers crossed the system here is at least somewhat similar to what you have in the States. :-) Thanks again!
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