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The guilt of not having a father.

RaRa0313_RaRa0313_ Posts: 14
edited November -1 in Parenting and Life
I've never felt like Olive was missing anything not having a father. That's until she was Requested by Disney for a casting and had to bring her father to be casted too. Without a father she had to decline. At that moment I felt aweful and instantly wondered how many other ways will this effect her life. Does anyone else ever wonder or feel guilt? It's gone away now, but I pray I never get that throat punch feeling again of causing her opportunities due to my own choices.

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    coryandamandacoryandamanda Posts: 1,527
    edited November -1
    Even if she had a father who's to say he would have wanted to do it or would have been any good anyway!!
    July 4, 2015
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    RaRa0313_RaRa0313_ Posts: 14
    edited November -1
    That's true. I would have made him lol. But seriously I didn't think that far ahead I just saw that she was instantly not qualified because she didn't have a father.
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    melmel Posts: 793
    edited November -1
    I have never heard of that. I think that is a major flaw in their casting process and I'm so sorry it caused you to spend even a second feeling poorly about your choices.
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    islandmoms2bislandmoms2b Posts: 254
    edited November -1
    It was probably related to a Father's Day shoot, which is coming up. Maybe that's the reason they wanted father/ daughters.
    6 tríes in 2013-2014 ...... all BFNs
    FET of 2 DE July. 2015....BFP!!! 1st beta 734! 2nd beta 1,881!
    Expecting TWINS!! Woah!!
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    RaRa0313_RaRa0313_ Posts: 14
    edited November -1
    Father's day stuff is already out and advertised. I'm not mad that they wanted to cast father's it was just a realization that she doesn't have one before now it never really mattered so for a minute there was guilt.
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    RaRa0313_RaRa0313_ Posts: 14
    edited November -1
    mel wrote:
    I have never heard of that. I think that is a major flaw in their casting process and I'm so sorry it caused you to spend even a second feeling poorly about your choices.

    Neither have I even her agent said "this is a odd request"
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    old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682 ✭
    edited November -1
    I too felt guilty a bit raising adopted children without a father because my father was so great when I grew up. But the reality after raising 19 adopted and foster kids so few of my kids classmates or friends even lived in a two parent mother/father household that it didn't come up that often....and even less of those that did had a father that was actively involved in their day to day activities or care.
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    ZenZen Posts: 2,942
    edited November -1
    I understand the initial emotional reaction. In reality though, there will be many qualifiers to life's opportunities and no one will ever have all of them. Calls may go out to girls with dads ... girls of certain height/weight/age, girls with pets, or just boys. With all that Olive has going for her, I don't see anything blocking her long-term path to success in any field she chooses!
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    ruedeodeonruedeodeon Posts: 160
    edited November -1
    What if her father had died? What if she had two moms? What if she had grandparents instead? Sounds silly to me on behalf of the company! You shouldn't feel guilty what so ever! So many children have no one to love them and the love of one person is a billion times better than the love of no persons. In life there are sacrifices and I wouldn't feel guilty for one single sliver of a second that I will be raising my unborn son with another woman. I will raise him from the beginning with an understanding.
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    ShannyShanny Posts: 2,456
    edited November -1
    I totally get it. For me it has been at times when Kate very rawly, genuinely expresses her desire for a father. Does she have a realistic idea of what that even is? No. But to a degree I want to give my child everything she desires whenever possible (not material possessions obviously!).

    There will be many more moments like this I fear but it's nice to come here and be able to tell people who genuinely understand and empathize.

    Babybaby - when reading what you wrote I was thinking "I had/have a wonderful Dad but he didn't teach me to drive or a lot of other things". Haha. He taught and continues to teach me many wonderful things. Sometimes that all makes me sad too because Kate deserves a wonderful dad like him :(.
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    ShannyShanny Posts: 2,456
    edited November -1
    We go through that with Kate and my boss, A&L's Dad. He is so beyond awesome with her. He makes a point to ask her questions about things going on with her - svhool, camps etc. He has even bypassed his girls to say hello to her first (in fairness she gives him the warmest reception of any of them!). But in the end, she doesn't get the one on one time she hears the girls talk about and while she's never expressed jealousy toward this situation in particular I know it must be there.
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    RaRa0313_RaRa0313_ Posts: 14
    edited November -1
    I'm so glad you girls get it. My guilt wasn't at the Disney casting at all. It's the F word. It's never been in a sentence with olive until that moment and was linked to decline. I'm back to my happy single parent (not by choice at all) life. I grew up without a day and never wondered what that would be like to have one. Olive has that dad curiosity and express wanting a dad. I just assumed she'd be like me and show no interest. I find it odd that she doesn't desire another mom considering she had one for the first half of her life. Thanks for letting me vent, on a better note she got requested for another casting today so all is well!
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    babyonboardmakes3babyonboardmakes3 Posts: 11 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Omg look at Olive. She has definitely grown up.
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