Father's Day weirdness

Kari

Anyone else's kids acting a little weird around Father's Day? Justin has referred to his grampy as his "dad" four times in public in the past few weeks, and I've corrected him each time. At bedtime I talked to him about it and tried to figure out what was going on. Basically, he's confused because I always say that he can give his Father's Day gift he makes at school/daycare to his grampy. He thinks he should be able to refer to grampy as dad/father because of this. Then he suggested that I marry my father so he can call him dad. Ummm . . . no. I finally got him to understand how weird that suggestion was by asking him if he would someday marry his sister. Then we covered the whole, "You don't marry your relatives" talk.

I'm hoping this dies down after Father's Day, at least for another year. I did explain to Justin that you marry someone outside your family that you love, and I haven't met that person yet . . . but that it would NOT be my father! I think he understood that, but overall I think he's quite confused. It doesn't help that my mom died before Justin was born, so he doesn't have hardly any examples in our family of a mom-dad-kids relationship. I think he knows some pieces are missing, but can't figure out where they belong in the family tree.

Anyone else dealing with this? Any suggestions for getting him to understand?

Zen

This has been a touchy holiday the last few years in our house. My adopted kids ... well their familial relations could have been scripted by the world's worst soap opera writers. As for my little one, she has a godfather as well as uncles and grandparents by choice. She usually focuses on her godfather. He is very involved in his own life right now and is part of my side of the family that disapproved of the older kids' adoption. My family hasn't written us off per se ... they are just never available despite living in the same county.

My dealing with it is probably not the most practical but it works. Friends of mine go to a farm resort every year for a vacation week starting Father's Day weekend. We went last year and will again this year. Vacationing 1200 miles away takes the focus off the non-existent dads and puts it on horseback riding and baby farm animals!

Shanny

I'm always do relieved that we are out of school for a solid month before Fathers Day. Kate has referred to my Dad as her Dad a few times. Probably around Justin's age. We just kept talking about it and I think it's finally clicked.

EMG_REL

I'm with Shanny. We're out of school before Father's Day, so it's not an issue. H does refer to his Pap as his dad sometimes, and we'll explain at some point soon, but that's how he's processing what a father figure is for now.

TxMoms2B

I was really disappointed with C's school this year. For Mother's Day we got a construction paper cutout with "I love you mom" written supposedly by my kid...but it didn't look like his handwriting. For Father's Day they are having a class party where the dad's are invited and will have snacks and show off their crafts. The assistant teacher (who we've had issues with before) asked my wife "so is C coming to school on the 19th?" My wife said probably, and the teacher explained about the party and said "I didn't think he would be attending." My wife was really flustered by this and has decided to keep him home from school and have a fun skip day. But I don't get why 1) they're making such a big deal about Father's Day, and 2) why they would single him out like that...I know for a fact that there are at least 2 other kids in his class without fathers. It's making C feel left out and has made him ask questions about "his dad." Thanks school.

alcd39

I am a preschool director and for both mothers and fathers day we make gifts and such. We have a few two mom families here and a few 2 dad families here. Maybe I'm just comfortable building a close relationship with these families because I can relate but I just ask each individual family how they would like to handle it. Some have us make gifts for grandparents. So have us change the gift around to fit their family. Some say "hey I'm dad too so the gift will be perfect!"

Mare

YES! I have always been very open with my son about his story and have never had a problem until this year. We are still in school (yes we started very late) and in my son's class there is my son whose family consist of just me and him and then there are two kiddos with moms, and of course other kids in single parent households. My son's teacher has been great with making sure to word things for Mother's or a special person and for fathers or a special person when making specific crafts.

Last week while we were driving my son said, "Mom, I need a dad!" I explained that our family is just a mom and kid. My son said, "I had a donor but he died." I agreed yes you did have a donor (I used a known donor and he died when I was 12 weeks pregnant) and he did pass away." My son said, "Well I'm going to call my donor DAD!" I explained to him the difference and that while it is his story I will still call him a donor."

I was a bit confused as we have never had this come up as my son has always been super excepting of his story. He does get yearly visits with his donor's sister as I used a known donor so he would know his other genetic side and even they use donor for terms. I then found out that my son shared his story with his class which was no problem but that two kids started teasing him (the kids surprised me as one is adopted by a single mom and the other lives just with her mother) about his donor dying. they kept talking about how they thought his donor died (shot to death, stabbed, etc). Once all this came out and we could process is again my son has now moved on.

We are able to go through all the male role models in the family and he was able to pick one to do something special with. He of course picked his papa and they went fishing and had lunch together.