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Is 3-year old shyness a phase?

KariKari Posts: 1,765
edited November -1 in Parenting and Life
Juliet has become incredibly shy lately, only wanting to go places where she can see me or be within a few feet of me. While this is great in public places, I was surprised the past few weeks to learn from her daycare that she's been isolating herself from her peers and only interacting with adults. She's been attending the same daycare for over 3 years and has recently been moved into the preschool room.

One of her daycare providers was concerned a few weeks ago that she wasn't enjoying herself at daycare anymore because she didn't have any friends. We assumed it was just because one of her buddies was on vacation that week. Since then I've asked her who her friends are, or to even name just one person in her class, and she can't. I've asked the teachers if she's interacting with other kids, and for the most part she's playing near them, but not with them. When I picked her up today she was with the group, but back-to to all of them, reading books.

Then today I received a write-up for her evaluation from Child Development Services (I referred her for speech services, and the evaluation is part of the process). It basically describes over the course of an hour a child who interacts with adults, but will neither approach her peers to play with them nor play with them when approached. Their overall summary was, "Juliet's shy nature and confidence level will most likely inhibit her abilities to participate in activities, engage with peers, and attempt new activities."

I was a little surprised by this because she is very outspoken at home, engages with her brother or me, is always suggesting things to do and responding to his requests to play, takes age-appropriate risks, has a lot of confidence and wants to do things for herself, etc. I'm really hoping this shyness is a phase she's going through at preschool, but I just don't know what to think right now.

I wonder, too, if her speech delay and frequently not being understood has caused some of this. It's really hard to understand what she's talking about half the time, so maybe she's just given up on her peers being able to process what she's saying so she just isn't trying at all.

Anyone have some sage wisdom for me on this one?
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Comments

  • K&HK&H Posts: 3,368 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Phase type shyness is usually more a four year old thing, so she could be early.. Although to me it sounds a bit like anxiety, I'm sorry to say. I know that Justin has struggled with that as well. It can be genetic in some ways.
    Keep an eye on her speech and peer interaction. It could also just be the transition to a new classroom has left her feeling overwhelmed. How is her speech now? Do her new teachers know of her struggles with speech and do they have known and regular methods of helping her? Do they offer her support and suggestions to get her interacting, or do they assume she is shy and quiet and let her be? A lot of time if a child is quiet and happy to play by themselves the teachers will let them be and not put effort into helping them interact. They should be helping her learn what to say to peers to join in with them, to ask them to play with her, or even just to sit and read books with her. She's not too far into preschool age yet, so parallel play isn't totally unusual at this age. But the stark contrast between who she is at home and how others perceive her outside the home would have me on alert. Maybe not concerned just yet, but definitely paying attention.
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  • old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682
    edited November -1
    My son just turned 10 he has been that way all his life...In fact his IEPs since age 3 have addressed that issue. At home he too will talk non stop even when his older teen and adult friends come over but once we are outside the house he clams up...yes it does affect him he doesn't want to be in crowds and threw a fit when we went to the county fair not even wanting to go inside the gate...we had to go home...he wouldn't agree to even go to the pool once this year....the problem is with my son anyway no matter how I have tried to involve him, give him support it just hasn't worked. We start school in two days. I wish we could jump ahead 2 weeks. He is a basket case with fear...
  • KariKari Posts: 1,765
    edited November -1
    It may be an anxiety thing - we may have hit the trifecta for that one! Her daycare thinks it's partly her personality, partly her age, and partly that I have her only attending part-time during the summer. I'm a teacher and would typically send her M-F, 7:30-4:30, but during the summer she only attend three days a week, and on a more random schedule (sometimes only mornings, sometimes full days, and sometimes not at all if we're doing a day trip). They think she'll adjust once I get back to work and she starts coming full-time. But, I'm nervous because I watched Justin go from an extremely outgoing kid to the shy, silent kid who only hung out with adults in his new daycare this past year.

    Her speech has been rated at 65% comprehendible, but that means you miss a third of every sentence that she says. She's really unclear and it's quite difficult for adults to figure out what she's saying if you aren't sure of the context and good at guessing. I wonder if her 3- and 4-year old classmates have the patience or ability to understand her at all, and she gets REALLY frustrated when people don't understand her and accuses them of not listening to her. I'm so hoping that she qualifies for speech therapy at her IEP next week!!

    I think her teachers suggest she play with her friends, but then kind of let her be by herself. She's well-behaved, quiet, and independent, so she's easy to just ignore and let her do her own thing. They know about her speech issues (and possible hearing issues - one failed hearing test but she passed the second one). It affects what I'm willing to let her do. This year I turned down all the field trips because I felt she wasn't capable of functioning in a non-daycare setting if the routine was different. I could picture her quietly wandering away from the group and not being able to communicate.
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  • old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682
    edited November -1
    These kids are a challenge.
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