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Birthday party for kid who isn't a friend

K&HK&H Posts: 3,368 ✭✭
edited November -1 in Parenting and Life
Opinions please...
E got invited to th birthday party of a new boy in her class. Problem is, she doesn't like him. She says that he calls her a baby and I've heard him say "oh no! She's here" when we arrive in the morning. We've talked with the teachers and they're going to keep an eye on it. She says "I think it's because he's new. He wants to make friends with the other boys by being meaner than they are" (ha! Kid of a psychologist much?)
So my question is, would you go to the party and encourage trying to make friends with this kid? Or not go because it's likely to be awkward and could be uncomfortable for her (and us)? Or not force her to go just because she was invited.
She says she doesn't want to go because "boy parties are bad".
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Comments

  • old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682
    edited November -1
    I wouldn't make her go. He clearly is not nice to your daughter and she's expressed that she doesn't want to go and feels uncomfortable around him. There are other ways you could encourage her to be friendly to him without placing her in "his" environment..playing on the playground ect. I even encouraged my daughter in a similar situation to say one nice thing to a new girl who was acting the same way every day. I would ask her about it every day what she did. I gave her small suggestions. It helped their relationship. I didn't make her be the new girl's friend but to be friendly to her. I always ask myself when I parent my kids if I would like to be put in the situation myself. Being dropped off at a stranger's house, made to spend time with someone who went of his way to say mean things to me if the answer was no then I had my decision.
  • babybabybabybaby Posts: 1,564
    edited November -1
    i wouldn't make her go, like old mama said. he is not nice to her. who knows what he would say to her if you and her teacher weren't around. it sounds like she has a very mature response to his behavior, is not taking it personally, and that's good. but even if there is a deeper reason for his behavior than just bullying, he is still bullying, and i feel like telling her to go and try to be friendly with him because he's being an ass to gain friends would be sending her the wrong message about what to put up with from other people. i tend to always try to see the deeper reason for why people are unkind to me, and because of that, i extend myself in friendship over and over again. i have found it has the opposite result of changing that person for the better, making them like you more, etc. instead, it tends to just give them more reason to be disrespectful toward you. i am all for having positive expectations of people, but this kid has already proven himself to be hateful. she has no obligation now to be anything more than just the most basic level of decent toward him, and that does not include celebrating his birthday with him, imo.
  • blkbrd3blkbrd3 Posts: 1,221 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Another vote for declining the invitation. In the best case scenario they may evoke friendly. In the worst case scenario picking on your daughter may turn into the party entertainment.
  • sara291sara291 Posts: 1,042
    edited November -1
    I wouldn't make her go but I think I would encourage it . . At least stopping by to say hi and leaving a gift. You never know . . It may be enough to put an end to the problems which may make things easier for her. Sometimes kids just need a random event to happen and they can become friends. With you there she may feel fine but I wouldn't force it by any means.
  • ShannyShanny Posts: 2,456
    edited November -1
    Assuming it isn't a drop off I would encourage her to go. It may give you the opportunity to gently intervene or speak to the parents casually without making a special effort to seek them out. They have to learn to start dealing with difficult children and by first grade it is pretty constant. A good teacher can help a lot but they can't be right there every minute so teaching children how to show grace, stick up for themselves or walk away depending on what the situation calls for is really important.
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  • ZenZen Posts: 2,942
    edited November -1
    At the lower ages in school, when inviting classmates to a birthday party you have to give invitations to every single child in the classroom. Not everyone comes. In my experience we get about 50% attendance. If she does not want to go, don't go.

    Shiloh has just under 20 kids in her class. Theoretically, we could get just under 20 invitations to birthday parties this year. Am I going to give up every other Saturday for the rest of the school year? H to the no!
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  • palegreenpalegreen Posts: 1,478
    edited November -1
    I would encourage her to go and offer her the option of leaving early if it isn't going well.
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  • gprime11gprime11 Posts: 228
    edited November -1
    I wouldn't make her go. Honestly I'm also the kind of person that would respond to the parents with why we weren't attending. Bullying does not get you friends and birthday presents.
  • blkbrd3blkbrd3 Posts: 1,221 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Oh snap!
  • babybabybabybaby Posts: 1,564
    edited November -1
    gprime11 wrote:
    I wouldn't make her go. Honestly I'm also the kind of person that would respond to the parents with why we weren't attending. Bullying does not get you friends and birthday presents.

    that would likely be my response, too. that's exactly how i feel about it. it just sends the wrong message, and as zen pointed out, if you aren't likely to give up every saturday year round for birthday parties, why make a special exception for a bully?
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