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Shanny -nanny/mom question

K&HK&H Posts: 3,368 ✭✭
edited November -1 in Parenting and Life
How do you handle jealousy of your nanny kiddos? E is currently in a phase where everything they have is amazing and everything she has is terrible. She and H dropped them off at the airport yesterday for them to spend four days in Miami and E proceeded to cry for the 45 min drive home about how they get everything and she gets nothing and it's not fair that they got to go on a trip and she doesn't. Or they get to watch a lot of tv and she doesn't, or they get Anna and Elsa dolls and she doesn't.. Or they have cats and she only has a dog. On and on and on.
We think her life is pretty swell. And I think deep down she does too, I hope. But this jealousy thing is not going away and it's getting old!
Do you find this with K? How do you handle it?
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Comments

  • old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682
    edited November -1
    I've done some childcare for a couple who were very well off. We had a little of what you are going through. I wouldn't touch the possession jealousy at all or you will be opening a can of worms trying to keep up with them. But, one thing I did was to do special things with my kids when the other kids weren't around and just don't expect mine to pick up on it..really say it...this is our special time together...our family is going to do this or that today. This is what our family does for fun. When they were here the children I cared for went to Disney World, cruises ect. We could never afford to do. Even though the children would talk about going on purpose I would get them busy with a distraction to downplay it a bit. I wouldn't tell them they couldn't talk about it but didn't make a big deal out of their plans. It is hard though.
  • ShannyShanny Posts: 2,456
    edited November -1
    We talk A LOT about different families making different choices. A LOT. Everything from car seats to vacations to careers. As she has gotten older it has gotten easier. I remind her (in the proper context of a 6/7 year old) that I have chosen more time with her on a daily basis over working long hours to buy extravagant items or trips. I also remind her that our best trips are the simple ones to Buffalo that we get to spend with our family. "A" has 9 or 10 (I've lost count...) American Girl dolls. Kate really and truly (again for a 7 year old) understands that that is ridiculous and I have chosen a less lucrative career because material possessions aren't important relative to people we love. I'm not sure that all made sense but I guess what I'm saying is that it's about the bigger picture in how I am raising her, not any one particular item/trip/collection/event etc.

    Also, it's OK for her to be a little jealous. I'm jealous they are going to Hawaii in March. But my boss also reminded me they were jealous when we went 5 years ago. It just isn't where they were at at the time nor is it something I can do right now. We will be going to see family.

    Having said all of that, I do try and plan stuff when they are gone. We do love to travel and look forward to it so it is nice and just makes sense to travel When they are gone as well.

    When the green monster does pop up you can remind her of really special stuff she has been able to do. Didn't you go to Spain when she was a baby? Talk about that trip and how special it was and how you can't wait to go back again someday (or elsewhere, you get the point).
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  • K&HK&H Posts: 3,368 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Thanks. It's reassuring to know that it's normal and not insane. We can definitely keep talking, we're good at that!
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  • sara291sara291 Posts: 1,042
    edited November -1
    I've been in similar situations with Riley and the last family I worked with. They just flew their 4-yr-old to Hawii since he wanted warmer sand . . He has everything you can imagine and a huge house with tons of house keepers. Riley often talked about his toys, huge house and lot about all of K's airplane rides. It was really hard at time when both boys were into the same things at the time and K would get special treatment. At times it also bothered me that they never included Riley. I often do things to include other children. Riley and K were huge into trains for a while and here and there I would buy them
    both something and they could have easily done the same especially given R would be there 8-9 hours a day. In the end we talk about how everyone is different, everyone makes different choices and how we have things that are special to us that others don't have. Sometimes it did break my heart. Especially with how this specific family treated us . . I think a few years ago we emailed about it. In the end it was a bit of a phase and we just talked through it and differences. I loved it last time the little boy kept asking Riley why he doesn't have a Dad and Riley kept saying with out any hesitation "I don't know . . Why don't you have a sister? Every family is different." In the end it can be good for them but it's definitely hard as a parent to hear when you see your child upset for things like that.
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