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What would you do?

b&kmakebabiesb&kmakebabies Posts: 818
edited November -1 in Pregnancy and Babies
So since before our son was born we have explained to family that we don't want photos of him online unless it's a deliberate family or milestone photo that we post. We've said it is ok to post photos of the back of his head like if someone is holding him, but we just don't want his face plastered all over our walls and newsfeed. Personal choice and one we don't have to justify as we are the parents. We have a family only private FB group where we post those daily photos and we can all comment back and forth.

Everyone has been fine with this. Except one grandparent who claims it is like telling her she can't breathe that she can't post photos publically. She refuses to post on the group and basically just hasn't posted anything at all. Which is fine. I don't care if grown people have temper tantrums. I figured she'll get over it.

Anyway. Last night she publically posted a photo of another grandparent holding out son. He was asleep and the back of his head was all you can see. Fine. Then another photo where his face is in the frame but only half of it is shown. It's honestly a hideous photo, but I guess that's besides the point. Lol.

This whole Facebook thing has really hurt my relationship with this grandparent. We are cordial around each other, but it's just not the same. I honestly think she thinks the half face is fine. It bothers me though. I wonder if she posts this, would she start trying to push the envelope to post other photos? Keep in mind we have a Facebook group with 40 family and friends that she can also add close friends to that she refuses to post in.

So, if you had told people not to post photos of your child's face online, would you confront about this? Let it slide and see if it continues? I really don't know how to address this with her as we have had this conversation with her so much. Any advice?? My wife isn't awake yet, so I'm just looking for conversation on defiant grandparents. Haha!
Cnc9m5.png

TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!

Comments

  • b&kmakebabiesb&kmakebabies Posts: 818
    edited November -1
    Problem solved. The other grandparent in the picture didn't like it of her so asked for it to be taken down. Until next time... Lol
    Cnc9m5.png

    TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
  • piscespowerpiscespower Posts: 313
    edited November -1
    Lol! Well that worked out well!!! :) I was going to respond with give a freebie this time, but if it happens again, definitely confront her. Not cool. This is going against direct requests. And if she can't respect that, she deserves to be called out, even if she gets butthurt.
    My husband and I are vegetarians and plan on raising our children vegetarian as well, as we've already put it out there to family that if they"sneak" meat to them (I don't know why someone should do that with another person's kid!!!) it is an automatic violation of relationship and"cut off" worthy status.
    Anyway, I hope this grandparent thinks twice next time and respects your wishes.
    Baby #1 Erin 35 & Michael 39 (Met 3/98, Married 6/13). TTC since 10/08.
    3 losses: 8/12 @ 8 wks (ep); 11/13 @ 6 wks (mc); 1/14 @ 5 wks (ep,tube removed). 4 NW Donor Cycles: all BFNs. IVF: E.R. 7/2/16---12 retrieved, 8 mature, 6 fertilized through icsi, 5 made it to blast! PGS results: 3 out of 5 perfect! E.T. 2 5 day blasts on 8/30! BFP 4dp5dt! 6w4d u/s confirmed: It's twins!
  • pikespeakpikespeak Posts: 106
    edited November -1
    I would say something to her. "Hey I'm not trying to be mean about this but noticed you posted a picture with half of my son's face. You know we've asked that no public pictures of his face be posted. We have serious privacy concerns about what is posted online. Please don't do it again."

    I have already thought about this because I don't think I want pictures posted online either.

    Speaking of food issues, my mom has been arguing with me for months about food and taking the baby to McDonald's. I follow a strict Paleo diet (no grains) because of allergies. I also eat everything organic. So no to McDonald's. I already threatened my mom that if she takes the kid to McDonald's she's cut off. She was laughing, although I'm really not joking lol. And I'm not even pregnant yet!
  • old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682
    edited November -1
    I am going to be a grandmother in three weeks. I think it awful and disrespectful what you grandmother is doing even if she disagrees with you. It is going to be hard because my son and his fiancé are young and have some odd beliefs but I am going to try my best to respect what they want with my granddaughter. I don't think it is too much not to share photos or respect wishes about food. It isn't that she can't share a hard copy of a photo of her grandchild to her best friends off line. The same thing with the food issue pikespeak has about food there are plenty of other choices of treats that a grandparent could do that have nothing to do with food.
  • pikespeakpikespeak Posts: 106
    edited November -1
    Sorry, minor rant: exactly oldmama! There's no reason bad food has to be a bribe or treat. Why can't activities be something fun to do together? Ok rant over lol.
  • b&kmakebabiesb&kmakebabies Posts: 818
    edited November -1
    Thanks, everyone! Glad I'm not alone in worrying about grandparents honoring requests!
    Cnc9m5.png

    TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
  • TheOtherLovingMomsTheOtherLovingMoms Posts: 1,481 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    We have 8 grandchildren and love spoiling every single one of them...with love and attention, not material things or food!! We are actually the ones who are strict on their nutrition and the parents all usually 'go with the flow'. We try to teach the better but to them sometimes it's just easier their way...ugh!!
    IGXwm4.png
    I just turned 50 and fabulous!!! Enjoying life with my amazing family!!
    Mom to Rachel 33, Bethany 30, Rebekah 30, Zachrey 20 and several angel babies
    Grandma to Larissa 11, Brittney 11, Trevor 11, Destiny 7, Jayvin 6, Jackxon 3, Kaleb Joshua Rian 1. Grandbaby #8, Sariah Grace born 11-17-16
  • ahk00ahk00 Posts: 1,420
    edited November -1
    next time just delete the photo :)
    SMBC: TTC since 12/2014: 3 home attempts: 2 BFN & 1 chemical. 3 medicated Dr assisted IUI's: 2 BFN & 1 BFP (04/24/15) with twins in May (new donor) MC with D&C @ 9w. 4th IUI 09/17/15: BFN. 10/15: hsg good. 11/15: BFN. 01/16: BFN. 05/16: Embryos arrested. IVF failed 06/16: KD BFN 07/16: KD BFN 09/16: IUI #7 with donor sperm BFP-MC at 9w w/ D&C. 02/17: diagnosed with hetero compound MTHFR & clotting mutation. 03/09/17 IUI #8: chemical pregnancy. IUI #9: 04/19/17 BFN LOOKING FOR EMBRYO'S TO ADOPT
  • b&kmakebabiesb&kmakebabies Posts: 818
    edited November -1
    ahk00 wrote:
    next time just delete the photo :)

    It was her photo though on her page...
    Cnc9m5.png

    TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
  • b&kmakebabiesb&kmakebabies Posts: 818
    edited November -1
    Well, this just keeps happening. Yesterday was the grandparent's birthday, so my wife dressed our son in a St. Patty outfit and sent it to her saying Happy Bday! We also posted it on our private FB group. She responded back that she wanted it posted on her public wall for her birthday. We said nothing. Later that day I get this text: One day when you are about my age you are going to wake up on st patricks day morning and say , "Why didn't I post that cute picture of him in his outfit on Grandmas wall? and you will feel bad about it."

    I'm really just fed up. I wish I could make her stop bringing this up, but nothing I've said seems to help. It's really damaging our relationship. I don't even want to hang out with her anymore and my wife is even more sick of it. :(
    Cnc9m5.png

    TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
  • 801logan801logan Posts: 261
    edited November -1
    Ugh!! This would have me so mad! Because it really has nothing to do with the picture. What it is is a lack of respect from her. So she is pushing her boundaries by positing half pictures and laying guilt on you for not posting. She is only thinking of herself in this situation and not your feelings or wishes. If it were me I would continue to be firm about our rule. And if she wants to jeopardize her relationship with you guys and her grandchild then that is her choice.
    I would say we love that you love your grandchild so much that you want the world to seem him but we really do not want his picture online. We will go to any measures to make sure that this rule stayes in place. We are not budging no matter what you say.
    I'm a firm person when it comes to my child and I'm sorry I'm not going to tiptoe around a family members feelings because they can't listen to my rules.
    S & L TTC #1
    July, Sept, Nov & Dec - All BFN
    Jan-May - Break
    June- BFP - loss @ 5 weeks
    Aug-BFN
    Sept- Dr assisted IUI- BFP @10DPI. It's a GIRL!! Our little girl was born 5/21/2015 healthy & happy!! :)
  • b&kmakebabiesb&kmakebabies Posts: 818
    edited November -1
    We are definitely staying firm. She's used to getting her way if she's stubborn, but it's not gonna fly. I think part of the problem lies in the fact that she doesn't understand our reasoning for not posting excessive photos. I've tried to explain, but she quite literally refuses to listen. Like she leaves the conversation or doesn't reply back if it's by email or text. She thinks the whole reason is for safety. That is not true. If that were true, I wouldn't have posted nearly as much as I have on this forum, much less a photo when he was born. While we do think it is safer to have less photos (if you post one a day that's 365 plus let's say 80 for a grandparent for a year... Versus a birth announcement, family photo and a handful of milestone ones... That's maybe 5), that is not our reasoning. We are concerned more with digital identity and his choice in his own. It sounds so academic and presumptuous, but it's what we believe and we aren't going to budge just because we think people will talk about how stuck up we are that we care about our son's digital identity.

    She thinks we have already ruined his safety (which she doesn't believe anyway, but remember she thinks this is why we aren't posting) by revealing his birth announcement, so she thinks anything should be posted now. She simply made fun of us when we tried to explain our real reason for not posting photos. She flat out condescended and made fun of us. I've never had her act this way towards me, so I was so hurt when that happened. It's all been downhill since. I'm not sure why she can't respect our decision as we are the parents. If we say he can only wear striped onsies outside, then she should listen (bad example, but I'm sleep deprived).

    I'm rambling, but I just need somewhere to vent.
    Cnc9m5.png

    TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
  • b&kmakebabiesb&kmakebabies Posts: 818
    edited November -1
    Oh! And we told family they could share the birth announcement on their walls since we made it public and she refused! Every other grandparent shared with pride. They could care less about posting publically and post to our private page. Which I just noticed she left voluntarily.

    Ugh.
    Cnc9m5.png

    TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
  • ahk00ahk00 Posts: 1,420
    edited November -1
    I can't for the life of me figure out why grandparents/great grandparents feel like they have the right to do whatever they chose. I like to remind my grandmother that there is no way in hell she would have done or said half of what she has"back in the day". Never in a million years would she or my parents dare to be disrespectful in that manner. I certainly point this out when things get out of hand. IMO it is lack of respect. They expect it from us but don't give it in return?!?
    SMBC: TTC since 12/2014: 3 home attempts: 2 BFN & 1 chemical. 3 medicated Dr assisted IUI's: 2 BFN & 1 BFP (04/24/15) with twins in May (new donor) MC with D&C @ 9w. 4th IUI 09/17/15: BFN. 10/15: hsg good. 11/15: BFN. 01/16: BFN. 05/16: Embryos arrested. IVF failed 06/16: KD BFN 07/16: KD BFN 09/16: IUI #7 with donor sperm BFP-MC at 9w w/ D&C. 02/17: diagnosed with hetero compound MTHFR & clotting mutation. 03/09/17 IUI #8: chemical pregnancy. IUI #9: 04/19/17 BFN LOOKING FOR EMBRYO'S TO ADOPT
  • b&kmakebabiesb&kmakebabies Posts: 818
    edited November -1
    Yep. Such a double standard!
    Cnc9m5.png

    TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
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