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coming out of the dark

annie.murphannie.murph Posts: 26
edited November -1 in Miscarriage/Loss
I lost my baby at 12 weeks back in Frbruary. I am just now making it back to the forum and thinking of trying again. I could barely get out of bed for weeks. I work with babies so that made it extra hard.

It's hard because I'm not sharing my journey with anyone irl. In fact I was just about to announce to a few people when my perfect son died.

I am going to try again. I was planning to move to donor embryos last year when I got pregnant. But I think I'll try at home again little longer. I hope that I can get a take-home miracle.

Comments

  • RedHeatherRedHeather Posts: 598
    edited November -1
    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! I hope you get your take-home baby soon!
  • ahk00ahk00 Posts: 1,420
    edited November -1
    I am so sorry for your loss
    SMBC: TTC since 12/2014: 3 home attempts: 2 BFN & 1 chemical. 3 medicated Dr assisted IUI's: 2 BFN & 1 BFP (04/24/15) with twins in May (new donor) MC with D&C @ 9w. 4th IUI 09/17/15: BFN. 10/15: hsg good. 11/15: BFN. 01/16: BFN. 05/16: Embryos arrested. IVF failed 06/16: KD BFN 07/16: KD BFN 09/16: IUI #7 with donor sperm BFP-MC at 9w w/ D&C. 02/17: diagnosed with hetero compound MTHFR & clotting mutation. 03/09/17 IUI #8: chemical pregnancy. IUI #9: 04/19/17 BFN LOOKING FOR EMBRYO'S TO ADOPT
  • tinydancertinydancer Posts: 1,210
    edited November -1
    sorry for your loss. I had the same thing last yr and not many to talk to. the emotional aspect is so hard.
    I wish you the best of luck in trying again.
  • old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682
    edited November -1
    I am so sorry. I lost several and it does not get any easier. My last miscarriage was in October. My son and his fiancé had a baby girl 8 days ago...as much as I love her it has opened up old wounds and it hurts to be around her. I hope your next attempt works for you and you have a baby in your arms soon.
  • annie.murphannie.murph Posts: 26
    edited April 2017
    Thank you all for your very kind words. I feel much less along reasing this part of the forum, though that too is sad. Thank you.
  • jessykah03jessykah03 Posts: 442
    edited November -1
    I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, i recently lost mine at 10weeks 5 days and i also had a very very hard time getting out of bed. I am glad to hear you are doing a bit better and going to try again. hugs being sent your way and positive vibes on your ttc journey
    TTC since 05/2015: 6 home attempts (ICI): BFP (09/11/2015 ended in Nov 2015 with Donor 9319)
    3 times after loss ( Jan 2016, Feb 2016 and March 2016 all BFN. (with donor 9717)
    RE assisted IUI medicated 5/16 & 6/16 BPN
    ICI with donor 7062 August 2016-BPN
    ICI with IVF-IUI Vials 10/31 & 11/1
  • ariellearielle Posts: 240
    edited November -1
    I'm sorry for your loss. No matter in what week you have a miscarriage, it hurts. Do you know a medical reason why this could have happened? I'm asking because I recently had my uterine septum removed, which my RE coincidentally discovered on ultrasound in March. I have had so many ultrasounds before (with other RE's) and it was never spotted. My new RE said this can be a factor when it comes to miscarriages (as can many other things).
    ICI 07/2012 BFN, ICI 08/2012 BFN, IUI 03/2013 BFN, IUI 06/2013 BFN, ICI 08/2013 BFN, ICI 11/2014 BFN, ICI 12/2014 BFN, ICI 12/2015 BFN, ICI 01/2016 BFN, IUI (with trigger) 02/2016 BFN, IUI (with clomid + trigger) 03/2016 BFN, IUI (with clomid + trigger) 04/2016 BFP - ended in ectopic pregnancy, ICI 10/2016 BFN, ICI 11/2016 BFN, Back to Back IUI 01/2017 BFN, ICI 4/2017 - BFN, ICI 5/2017 - BFN, IVF 6/2017 - 19 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/2017 (single embryo transfer) - BFP
  • annie.murphannie.murph Posts: 26
    edited November -1
    My son died due to a cord accident, which is extremely rare, and so shocking. I am of advanced maternal age, so I think part of me had prepared for loss due to that, maybe not. I dont know. But it felt even more devastating that my son was perfectly healthy.
    arielle wrote:
    I'm sorry for your loss. No matter in what week you have a miscarriage, it hurts. Do you know a medical reason why this could have happened? I'm asking because I recently had my uterine septum removed, which my RE coincidentally discovered on ultrasound in March. I have had so many ultrasounds before (with other RE's) and it was never spotted. My new RE said this can be a factor when it comes to miscarriages (as can many other things).
  • ariellearielle Posts: 240
    edited November -1
    I'm so sorry. I wasn't even aware cord accidents can happen in the first trimester. I can only imagine how shocking and incredibly sad this must have been for you.
    ICI 07/2012 BFN, ICI 08/2012 BFN, IUI 03/2013 BFN, IUI 06/2013 BFN, ICI 08/2013 BFN, ICI 11/2014 BFN, ICI 12/2014 BFN, ICI 12/2015 BFN, ICI 01/2016 BFN, IUI (with trigger) 02/2016 BFN, IUI (with clomid + trigger) 03/2016 BFN, IUI (with clomid + trigger) 04/2016 BFP - ended in ectopic pregnancy, ICI 10/2016 BFN, ICI 11/2016 BFN, Back to Back IUI 01/2017 BFN, ICI 4/2017 - BFN, ICI 5/2017 - BFN, IVF 6/2017 - 19 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/2017 (single embryo transfer) - BFP
  • annie.murphannie.murph Posts: 26
    edited November -1
    I am sorry jessykah. I know how you are feeling. I hope that it gets easier for you over time, but I know it is so so hard right now.
  • annie.murphannie.murph Posts: 26
    edited November -1
    TRIGGER


















    At 12 5/7, I did not think it was possible. I'm a 'researcher' because knowing more helps my anxiety. I had never heard of this so early. I was in the hospital and got to see him. He was tightly tangled in the cord. He had perfect hands and feet. He wss beautifil. After all tge testing, that was all that was found. Its hard, but i am grateful for the chance to talk about him. His name is Matthew Kamana'o.
    arielle wrote:
    I'm so sorry. I wasn't even aware cord accidents can happen in the first trimester. I can only imagine how shocking and incredibly sad this must have been for you.
  • ariellearielle Posts: 240
    edited November -1
    I know what you mean about being a researcher. I'm the same way. I also research everything to help stay calm and in the know. I was also totally shocked when I had my ectopic pregnancy and emergency surgery a year ago. It was unexpected and traumatizing.

    Matthew Kamana'o is a beautiful name. It sounds Hawaiian.
    ICI 07/2012 BFN, ICI 08/2012 BFN, IUI 03/2013 BFN, IUI 06/2013 BFN, ICI 08/2013 BFN, ICI 11/2014 BFN, ICI 12/2014 BFN, ICI 12/2015 BFN, ICI 01/2016 BFN, IUI (with trigger) 02/2016 BFN, IUI (with clomid + trigger) 03/2016 BFN, IUI (with clomid + trigger) 04/2016 BFP - ended in ectopic pregnancy, ICI 10/2016 BFN, ICI 11/2016 BFN, Back to Back IUI 01/2017 BFN, ICI 4/2017 - BFN, ICI 5/2017 - BFN, IVF 6/2017 - 19 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/2017 (single embryo transfer) - BFP
  • annie.murphannie.murph Posts: 26
    edited November -1
    Oh thank you! you brought tears to my eyes. Kamana'o is Hawaiian and means wisdom, which is what I wanted for my son.
  • ariellearielle Posts: 240
    edited November -1
    I'm sure his soul is telling you Aloha and a hui hou - until we meet again.
    ICI 07/2012 BFN, ICI 08/2012 BFN, IUI 03/2013 BFN, IUI 06/2013 BFN, ICI 08/2013 BFN, ICI 11/2014 BFN, ICI 12/2014 BFN, ICI 12/2015 BFN, ICI 01/2016 BFN, IUI (with trigger) 02/2016 BFN, IUI (with clomid + trigger) 03/2016 BFN, IUI (with clomid + trigger) 04/2016 BFP - ended in ectopic pregnancy, ICI 10/2016 BFN, ICI 11/2016 BFN, Back to Back IUI 01/2017 BFN, ICI 4/2017 - BFN, ICI 5/2017 - BFN, IVF 6/2017 - 19 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/2017 (single embryo transfer) - BFP
  • katookatoo Posts: 324
    edited November -1
    I'm so sorry for your loss.
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