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Reactions to being a SAHM
A&J
Posts: 1,825
It seems that lately everyone, and I do mean everyone is asking me and DP when I plan to return to work. I am a bit surprised at their reactions when I tell them that I intend on staying at home with Olivia until she is a year old--at least. Anna has also had people make interesting comments to her as well. I get a lot of comments along the lines of "you're going to get bored" or "there is no way I could stay home full-time, "you are going to miss work" or one of my favorites is when I get comments about wasting my time getting my degree in college. Anna was just asked last night if she resents me for getting to stay at home. When it comes down to it we know that we are thoughtful as individuals and collectively---there is not much that hasn't been discussed or planned for when it comes to our planning for and parenting of Olivia. We feel that this is the best decision for us as a family. I guess these sorts of questions and comments from others just falls along the lines of everyone else having something to say about your parenting style and choices. However, I really thought that more people (immediate family and friends) would be happy for us that we have made this choice and are in a position to do so. Oh, well I suppose. We will just go with what we feel is best for our situation. Has anyone else been given a hard time for choosing to stay at home or is it the opposite? Just curious because I am truly surprised by some (not all) of the responses we get.
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While it does surprise me that some people truly don't seem to see the value in staying at home with your child, I do on the other hand understand it may not be the right choice for everyone. Sometimes it does also irritate me though when I have heard some of the same things you have..."You're wasting your college degree!", "You'll get bored eventually!", etc. I can appreciate someone else's choice not to be a SAHM but I except that my choice be respected as well and I'm not really interested in hearing the negative feedback.
We've made sacrifices in order to allow me the ability to be a SAHM during this time...DP drives an old car with no loan payment so we only pay on my car, we don't splurge on big purchases unless they are for us as a family not individually, I don't shop at Banana Republic as much anymore, this years vacations will be just out of state instead of out of country, we don't have fancy cable anymore (since we never watch TV anyway and don't want our child to be raised in front of it either), etc. For us it's all worth it and we make those choices with a lot of forethought. For some this may not work, for us it does.
It is quite interesting to me to have realized quickly in this parenting game that many people want to be critical of your choices regarding your children and see nothing wrong with regularly voicing their criticisms. I don't like it, but it seems to be the way it is. I've already developed quite the thick skin in this regard as I'm sure it will continue throughout parenthood.
All I know is that DP and I are very secure in our decisions, especially regarding my staying home during these first crucial months/years. I guess that's all that matters in the end. As lesbian parents we went through a lot of planning and research to become parents to our son in the first place and thus we stand strong in our convictions about the way we choose to raise our family.
October 2014
No one has really said anything negative though that I can think of. They know we will do anything to avoid having our kids in day care. When we had just one child my mom babysat for us while we worked, and a couple days a week when we first had 2 children. But it is a little much for her as she is now in her late 60s. So we do whatever we can to have one of us home and I can't see how people think that is a bad thing!
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The people who are commenting to you - do they have kids?
Also, this tends to be a very American-culture concept: return to work ASAP after having a child. Our neighbors in Canada get 50 weeks year maternity leave per child, 5 years if the child has a disability. Most other developed countries have significantly better maternity leave packages, from not working during the third trimester to staying home for 6 months to a year after giving birth.
Check out this website to see how far behind the rest of the world the US is when it comes to maternity leave:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_leave
DP and I are wanting a child of our own together and this is something that we have taken into serious consideration. I am just beginning school, I have quite some time before I get into any "meat" of the program. I have tons of pre-reqs to take, so if we were to have a child now, I would be able to stay at home with the baby for some time. By the time I had to attend clinicals or what have you, both my older girls would be in school and we would only have to pay for part time child care for the youngest. I think that you should stay home with you baby as long as you can. Some people that is only 6 weeks and others it's much longer. If you can do it I don't see any reason why you shouldn't. YOU are the best person to care for your child, not someone else.
being a working mom just didn't work for me and my daughter, and i had an alternative so that's what i chose. i make a lot of sacrifices to make it happen, but i don't regret the decision to stay at home at all. in fact, when i look back at the last eight months, the only thing i regret are all the days i got up at 6 a.m. to drag her out of bed in the pitch-dark to send her to daycare and didn't see her again until dark at night when i put her straight to bed. that was how we spent the first several months of her life, and it was awful for me, and i think for her, too. i realize that not every woman has that option, and some wouldn't choose it even if they did have it. i don't stand in judgment of anyone's parenting styles, because i know what a touchy subject it is. we all love and care for our children (well MOST parents, anyway), and we want to do what we view as "the right thing" for them. what the right thing is just differs for each of us.
I just turned 50 and fabulous!!! Enjoying life with my amazing family!!
Mom to Rachel 33, Bethany 30, Rebekah 30, Zachrey 20 and several angel babies
Grandma to Larissa 11, Brittney 11, Trevor 11, Destiny 7, Jayvin 6, Jackxon 3, Kaleb Joshua Rian 1. Grandbaby #8, Sariah Grace born 11-17-16