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parenting question
Beth81392
Posts: 486
So , a friend emailed me tonight because she was "shocked" because I told her child that I did not want to here the song she was playing at her pajama party on Sat night, while at a play date today. She said that it really upset her and the child. It made me think. Do you stop everything to let your child perform or do you tell them no, not now?
I did not mean to upset the child, but it could have been the first time she offered to do something and heard the answer no. Honestly if it was Abby I would have done the same exact thing. If I was in the middle of doing something, and Abby asked me to listen to something I would have told her no also. In this case William was alone outside and I was just telling Abby we were leaving in a few minutes.
So I guess my question is where do you draw the line between appeasing kids and going about what needs to be done?
Beth
I did not mean to upset the child, but it could have been the first time she offered to do something and heard the answer no. Honestly if it was Abby I would have done the same exact thing. If I was in the middle of doing something, and Abby asked me to listen to something I would have told her no also. In this case William was alone outside and I was just telling Abby we were leaving in a few minutes.
So I guess my question is where do you draw the line between appeasing kids and going about what needs to be done?
Beth
Words cannot even begin to describe how much I love these kids
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Comments
Beth
What surprises me here is that your friend is feeding into her child's behavior. On your part I'd just email back an apology (sometimes "I'm sorry" can soothe ruffled feathers with nothing more said or done) ... but then I'd put some distance in that relationship. It's one thing to have high maintenance friends. It's another to have to maintain their kids too!
I think it is an important lesson to teach your child the meaning of the word no, and the ability to accept that answer, especially when given by an adult. I do think I see far too much parenting leaning the other way recently. Allowing the child to rule the roost so to speak. We are creating children who's self worth and identity is wrapped up in getting everything they want when they want it. The world doesn't work that way and it is a disservice to set them up believing that.
If this were my friend I feel pretty certain I wouldn't apologiz, but rather explain that it wasn't the time and place and you simply declined the request to hear her 8yr olds song. If she has a problem with that I would think she's got some issues of her own and drop it.
October 2014
In your case, with another persons child, I don't know if I could have been as bold, though I might have been seriously annoyed with myself for not doing so. I think its more awkward that your friend said you hurt the Childs feelings, rather than teaching the child to say so and to request another time for you to watch her.