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ETA: I pay more attention to "signs" than I should for sanity's sake, but I like these for this cycle: This is our 7th try, and I got the smiley on CD16 (1+6=7), and my IUI will be on February 16th (same). I would also be due just a few days after the last IUI that got me pregnant. I've been making sure that the volume of my car radio has been either 7, 16, or 25; I heat things in the microwave for 2:50 or 3:40. These are just some examples of how crazy I am.
However, I'm always a bit OCD like this, so it's not new, and I actually feel calmer and more optimistic than last month when I was a force to be reckoned with. Anyway, off to enjoy the weekend and not have to pee on anything else!
Every time I have an IUI and the nurse/doctor leaves me to lie down for fifteen minutes, I spend some of the time talking to my dad and asking him to help me out. I usually cry a little and then move on with my day.
Today, the nurse who did the deed was especially talkative and supportive. The IUI took longer than usual because the catheter wouldn't cooperate (so my speculum time was like tripled, which wasn't fun), but it felt like the timing was right, and the sample was good (12 million). She stopped beside my head and put her hand on my shoulder before she left, and she wished me luck. The last time someone touched me on the way out of one of those rooms was the time I got pregnant and my doctor had put her hand on my knee on her way out.
I walked out of the building and was just about to call my DP when I was startled by the flapping of several birds. I looked up and saw at least twenty of them flying back and forth between trees in the parking lot. I looked closer to discover that they were robins. I've never seen so many of them in one place in my life. Not to mention that I think it's early for them to be here because of the cold and snow, isn't it? I don't know. But that moment sure gave me hope.
On a related note, I felt the most intense ovulation pains I've ever felt today, from what would have been 38 hours after trigger (and one hour after IUI) until about six hours later. I can only hope that it all worked out in there the way it was supposed to!
Anyway, I suppose today begins my one week wait, which was when I turned into a monster last month. In preparation, I've downloaded a new book to read and have a whole new set of 130 student essays to grade to keep me busy.
ETA: My DP just asked me if I remember sitting up and grabbing her arm in my sleep last night. She said I grabbed it hard and told her something urgent that she can't remember. I have zero recollection, and I've never done that in the thirteen years we've known each other. I've sat up and talked but never grabbed her physically. A little back story: One of the first signs that we knew she was pregnant before a bfp was that she woke me up in the middle of the night insisting that there was a motor running under her feet. Like I said before, her dreams are rarely intense or memorable. So is it the hcg in me that made it happen last night? It's too early for pregnancy symptoms, right? I'm 6dpo but 8dptrigger. Who knows?
This just sucks. I don't want to see any more of other people's BFPs. I know that sounds horrible and selfish and mean, but why not us? What more do we have to do?
ETA: I just did another internal check before my morning shower, and there was a lot of brown wetness. It's another no. Un-freaking-believable.
The worst will be disappointing my DP and eventually our kids, if they even end up caring if they're biologically related. I just can't help but feel like something in this process is my fault.
She gave me a choice to trigger right away and do the IUI tomorrow or trigger tonight and come Monday morning, saying that it doesn't make much of a difference either way because there is a 24-36 hour window to catch an egg after it's been released. I chose the later time because frozen sperm have such a short life span, and she said that made sense. Plus, last time I got "pregnant", the IUI was practically two whole days after my smiley.
My lining was a 15 compared to october's 12. Does anyone have experience with a thickening lining? Is it indicative of something like endometriosis? Trying not to overanalyze.
Anyway, I predicted that this timing would happen and already prepared something for a substitute teacher to do on Monday morning, so I can relax this weekend. Please, God, let this one be the one.
ETA: My LH was 17 at 10am, and I just POAS at 12:30 out of curiosity, and still no smiley. Weird. Well, that at least eases my mind about definitely not going tomorrow. My body sure can be pokey.
ETA one more time: I tested two more times and still no smiley, so I quit testing. Blood is more accurate than urine. What this makes me question is whether my smileys have been arriving later in my surge than I thought. It doesn't really matter for this cycle because the trigger will release the two mature follicles, but if I have more cycles, I guess I should push for an ultrasound shortly after I notice EWCM, which started on Thursday this week (ultrasound Saturday).
ETA: I just took a shower, and it was kind of scary. I had to steady myself on the wall a few times. This isn't normal.
ETA: The dizziness lasted most of that morning and reappeared two or three times on 8dpo, but it's now the morning of 9dpo, and I feel fine (unless you count exhaustion because our three-year-old was up twice!).
But I feel like my period is coming. I've felt it all day. I haven't had cramps per se, but I have that heavy abdomen period feeling. My breasts aren't any more sore than usual, and I haven't been feeling dizzy anymore. I'm definitely constipated, but that occasionally happens to me shortly before my period (usually diarrhea, though).
I'm oddly calm about the whole thing. I think I have to be. Wouldn't I feel different if I were pregnant? I felt different last time, but that one didn't stick. Maybe a lack of symptoms would be a good sign, then?
Oh, who am I kidding? Just because my period came a day early last month doesn't mean it couldn't come a day late this month.
Lucky #10 - IVF!
Two sweet baby girls (IVF 2015, FET 2017)
ETA: I just noticed we're almost TTC twins. This was also our 8th try, and we also used Clomid and Ovidrel with our IUI. Maybe it will be lucky for you, too!
Had to come back to say that I can't stop thinking about you and smiling like a fool!!
First beta this morning = 144@13dpo
Lucky #10 - IVF!
Two sweet baby girls (IVF 2015, FET 2017)
4.5 years!
Let's all be pregnant together! Positive thoughts to everyone!
IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
IUI #8 04/15- BFN
In other news, my throat is killing me, I'm super constipated, and my insomnia is at an all-time peak.
Lucky #10 - IVF!
Two sweet baby girls (IVF 2015, FET 2017)
So, yes, it's much higher. Thank you!