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Still. Waiting. (vent)

emlklg444emlklg444 Posts: 645
edited September 2014 in Miscarriage/Loss
This is absolute Hell. I should have been 9weeks 1day today... but here I sit at home, on a gorgeous day no less, waiting for my miscarriage to start. I'm annoyed that tomorrow is a holiday, otherwise I'd call my OB and request meds to get things started, even though I've read horror stories about the effects. I just want this over with. I've gone through all the stages of grief, I've accepted that my baby has passed away.
So far the herb combination (tablets) my Chinese medicine doc gave me have done nothing. I'm afraid to get a D & C because of the risks of scarring/puncture of the uterus. In 2 weeks my wife & I are going on a cruise with her mom & one of my best friends...we bought the cruise almost a year ago. I don't want the miscarriage to happen then...we paid too much $$ for me to be miserable & miscarrying on a cruise ship. Can't stop asking why...why why why must this be happening. Why is my body holding on to this baby when it is clearly not alive anymore. OK... for those that have read this far, thanks for letting me vent.
uuuuuugh. :(

(SEE UPDATE NEAR BOTTOM)
1st daughter born 9/26/2013 (bfp 2nd attempt at home ICI)
2nd daughter born 3/8/2016 (bfp after 7 attempts at home ICI, 2 miscarriages, 1 D&C)
age 36 evtim8.png
age 39 K8qxm7.png

Comments

  • K&HK&H Posts: 3,368 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    I'm so sorry. I wish that it was easier. If it has to be horrible, at least it would be nice if it could be just a little easier.
    I have to say, if I was going on a cruise in two weeks I would schedule. D&c for this week to have it over with and be done before going. The waiting and having to bring pads and painkillers and the possibility of complications while at sea would just be too much for me.
    I waited and went naturally, but on the second day I almost ended up in the ER because of the severe pain and dizziness. I was about five minutes away from going to the ER, and had been on the phone with my midwife for about half an hour before the pain passed. I would NOT want to do that on a ship without medical backup.
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  • emlklg444emlklg444 Posts: 645
    edited November -1
    I filled a prescription for misoprostol today... just took it. Hope this works fast... I'm expecting some pain, but hopefully nothing close to labor pain. No, I definitely don't want to be stuck out at sea going through this!
    1st daughter born 9/26/2013 (bfp 2nd attempt at home ICI)
    2nd daughter born 3/8/2016 (bfp after 7 attempts at home ICI, 2 miscarriages, 1 D&C)
    age 36 evtim8.png
    age 39 K8qxm7.png
  • emlklg444emlklg444 Posts: 645
    edited November -1
    still nothing... even after the Meds. No words to even convey the emotions I'm feeling.
    1st daughter born 9/26/2013 (bfp 2nd attempt at home ICI)
    2nd daughter born 3/8/2016 (bfp after 7 attempts at home ICI, 2 miscarriages, 1 D&C)
    age 36 evtim8.png
    age 39 K8qxm7.png
  • WannabeasinglemamaWannabeasinglemama Posts: 969 ✭
    edited November -1
    Oh my. I'm so sorry.
    Nicole-SMBC-39y/o-TTC since Jan. 2013
    IUI~BFP (BORN STILL) AT 16w5d 4/3/14
    Chemicals~IUI 7/24/14;8/21;BFNs~9/25;10/19;IVF#1-2/21/15~No embies made to blast.
    IVF#2-BFP~4/16 trans. 2 embies
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  • emlklg444emlklg444 Posts: 645
    edited November -1
    trying vaginal cytotec tonight... pharmacy (in a grocery store) gave me a very very hard time when I went to pick up the prescription because it's often used as an abortion drug... they made me wait over 2 hours, I even had to get my doc to call in the order again because the pharmacist said it was never called in (it was, I was there when the doc called it in initially) kept saying it wasn't ready yet (8 pills)... my wife had to get the store manager to intervene & they finally gave me the prescription. Who are they to judge why I need this drug?? If they only knew how BADLY we wanted this baby, and the process we went through to get pregnant & the extreme sadness at finding out the baby died at nearly 6weeks.... and the fact that I'm over 9 weeks now with my no longer living baby still in my womb. But the pharmacist decided to behave entirely unprofessionally. We will be filing a complaint with the corporate office of this grocery store (Fred Meyer to those who live out West). Really hope this cytotec works... don't want a D&C.
    1st daughter born 9/26/2013 (bfp 2nd attempt at home ICI)
    2nd daughter born 3/8/2016 (bfp after 7 attempts at home ICI, 2 miscarriages, 1 D&C)
    age 36 evtim8.png
    age 39 K8qxm7.png
  • WannabeasinglemamaWannabeasinglemama Posts: 969 ✭
    edited November -1
    I will be sending some vibes your way.
    Nicole-SMBC-39y/o-TTC since Jan. 2013
    IUI~BFP (BORN STILL) AT 16w5d 4/3/14
    Chemicals~IUI 7/24/14;8/21;BFNs~9/25;10/19;IVF#1-2/21/15~No embies made to blast.
    IVF#2-BFP~4/16 trans. 2 embies
    MIdqadD.jpgMIdqm5.png
    mf0Km4.png
  • old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682 ✭
    edited November -1
    How awful for you. I was on progesterone so I wouldn't have a miscarriage but after I confirmed I had lost the babies I stopped taking it. It took a few days to start bleeding. and it hurt like my body was ready to explode wanting to get rid of the lining. Take whatever pain reliever gives you the most relief...can't hurt the baby now...and a heating pad helped a bit too.
  • jones.mom02jones.mom02 Posts: 295 ✭
    edited November -1
    I am sort of new here, have been following your posts in various threads. I have been inspired and continue learning from you and a few other members here. This is a great community.

    I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I hope your body lets go soon and that it isn't too painful :( .. I also hope it happens within enough time for you to be well enough to enjoy your cruise. Gosh, I would have went off on the pharmacy explaining my situation, being so frustrated about feeling wrongfully judged. But that probably would have been bad, the way you are handling it is perfect. I'm glad you will be filling a compliant.

    Your baby girl is absolutely beautiful, I can see that she will soon have her first birthday! That is incredibly exciting :-D
    Celebrating 10 years together with 2 precious babies.
    Born: Jan, 2016 Home 2 IUI, partner carried
    Born: Nov, 2016 Home 1 ICI, I carried
  • tinydancertinydancer Posts: 1,210
    edited November -1
    I had this happen and it took 3 weeks to miscarry even tho I tried the meds. I ended up using angelica root tincture and it worked fast. in 4 hours everything was out. Hope you are doing well now.
  • emlklg444emlklg444 Posts: 645
    edited November -1
    Thanks everyone, all is well now. I posted in another thread, but the Cytotec worked & I bled for about 2 weeks & ibuprofen was all I needed for the pain. I'm now charting my cycles again, doing acupuncture & herbs, and trying to "prep the womb" again...shooting for December to try again :) And our baby girl turns ONE tomorrow!!!
    1st daughter born 9/26/2013 (bfp 2nd attempt at home ICI)
    2nd daughter born 3/8/2016 (bfp after 7 attempts at home ICI, 2 miscarriages, 1 D&C)
    age 36 evtim8.png
    age 39 K8qxm7.png
  • jones.mom02jones.mom02 Posts: 295 ✭
    edited November -1
    I'm so glad to hear you are doing well and only needed ibuprofen. I've been thinking of you. Hope you enjoyed the cruise as much as you could. I wish you the best of luck in December. I will be trying in February. And a BIG happy birthday to your precious 1 year old tomorrow!
    Celebrating 10 years together with 2 precious babies.
    Born: Jan, 2016 Home 2 IUI, partner carried
    Born: Nov, 2016 Home 1 ICI, I carried
  • emlklg444emlklg444 Posts: 645
    edited November -1
    Thanks so much! Hope February brings you a BFP! :)
    jones.mom02 wrote:
    I'm so glad to hear you are doing well and only needed ibuprofen. I've been thinking of you. Hope you enjoyed the cruise as much as you could. I wish you the best of luck in December. I will be trying in February. And a BIG happy birthday to your precious 1 year old tomorrow!
    1st daughter born 9/26/2013 (bfp 2nd attempt at home ICI)
    2nd daughter born 3/8/2016 (bfp after 7 attempts at home ICI, 2 miscarriages, 1 D&C)
    age 36 evtim8.png
    age 39 K8qxm7.png
  • emlklg444emlklg444 Posts: 645
    edited November -1
    Had blood work today because my first period started after the miscarriage, and I'm on day 16 of bleeding... with the m/c I bled for 2 weeks and then stopped for 2 weeks, and this current bleeding is what I thought was my normal period starting up again...until it kept going & going... and my hcg level is 34!!!!! It's been over 2 months, and the hcg is STILL elevated. This is an absolute nightmare... the doctor says I may still need a D & C at this point. I wish I'd been given that option at the beginning...I just want to lay down & cry.
    1st daughter born 9/26/2013 (bfp 2nd attempt at home ICI)
    2nd daughter born 3/8/2016 (bfp after 7 attempts at home ICI, 2 miscarriages, 1 D&C)
    age 36 evtim8.png
    age 39 K8qxm7.png
  • K&HK&H Posts: 3,368 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Oh, I'm so so sorry.
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  • ZenZen Posts: 2,942
    edited November -1
    I'm so sorry you're going through all the physical stresses along with the loss. I was given the option of a d&c after scans at week 7 & 8 showed no heartbeat. While there was nothing positive about my experience, I can say in retrospect that it would have been worse experiencing the loss across months rather than days. If you do end up needing this, rest assured that the procedure itself is not that bad. I went to sleep, woke up, stayed for 2 hours, and then went home. I had the next two days off and just some mild cramps. Spotted for a day or two, and then my normal cycle returned a month later. I know that a lot of people think it better to let nature take its course but ... well. Having lost my baby I didn't want to spend months losing my baby. You know?
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  • emlklg444emlklg444 Posts: 645
    edited November -1
    Zen wrote:
    I'm so sorry you're going through all the physical stresses along with the loss. I was given the option of a d&c after scans at week 7 & 8 showed no heartbeat. While there was nothing positive about my experience, I can say in retrospect that it would have been worse experiencing the loss across months rather than days. If you do end up needing this, rest assured that the procedure itself is not that bad. I went to sleep, woke up, stayed for 2 hours, and then went home. I had the next two days off and just some mild cramps. Spotted for a day or two, and then my normal cycle returned a month later. I know that a lot of people think it better to let nature take its course but ... well. Having lost my baby I didn't want to spend months losing my baby. You know?

    Thanks Zen. I know just what you mean... today when my doctor told me the hcg was a still elevated it was like a scab was picked off the deep wound in my heart, and the miscarriage is as fresh now as it was 2 months ago. I'm so angry that my doctor didn't give me the option for a D&C in the beginning. I'm praying that this is the only time I'll ever have to experience this... I don't know how women get through multiple miscarriages. But thank you for the reassuring post about the D&C...hopefully they can get me in sooner than later.
    1st daughter born 9/26/2013 (bfp 2nd attempt at home ICI)
    2nd daughter born 3/8/2016 (bfp after 7 attempts at home ICI, 2 miscarriages, 1 D&C)
    age 36 evtim8.png
    age 39 K8qxm7.png
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