Could use some reassurance

bananapudding · February 2015

I'll try to make this as short as possible.

Basically, I haven't told many people about ttc. Just close family members like my parents and sister. My main reason for that is because I didn't want to feel judged by anyone for the way I'm going about it, oh and of course being a smbc. Anyways, I have a cousin who lives a state away, one that I was actually extremely close to growing up we were practically sisters. She calls me all the time because she recently had a baby.

Anyways, the point of this post is that my cousin's a nurse and we were talking yesterday and she was telling me how she wants to be pregnant again before she's 30 because the chances of a baby being born with disabilities or other issues raises once you're 30+.

I knew this already anyways, but what I always read was that it was 35+ that it became a little riskier. I'm going to be 32 this year and hearing her say all of these negative things yesterday just really freaked me out and made me feel like crap. I was sitting here listening to all of these things she was telling me and dying to tell her that I was trying to get pregnant and I'm over 30, etc.

I guess what I wanna know is exactly how dangerous is it REALLY to have a baby over 30? Because to me it doesn't seem all that unusual but according to my cousin (who kind of thinks she knows everything just because she's a nurse) it's extremely risky and she doesn't want to do it.

Maybe I'm just freaking out for nothing, but that's just something that I have a tendency to do.

piscespower · February 2015

She's freaking you out for no reason. My Dr says there's nothing to worry about until after you hit 35, and even then, it's just that it's harder to get pregnant, not that there will be issues with your child. Plus, everyone is different. I've known women over 40 that have had healthy children and had no issues getting pregnant. Try not to let it get to you tOo much, maybe call an RE'S office and ask them generally what they think.

ahk00 · February 2015

I think this is something that is a per person case. My cousin had a child at the age of 40 and he has no issues. I am on other forums where ppl over the age of 35 and over 40 have had children with no disabilities. You can be 20 and have a child with disabilities. If you do happen to have a child with disabilities you will learn how to cope with that and be the best parent you can be. I am a smbc to a 10 yr old that I adopted at the age of 3 who then had severe health issues and is developmentally delayed. His health issues we have overcome but his delays we are still working through. So in short I wouldn't worry about it as no matter the outcome you as a mother will be able to handle the situation. I am also attempting to have my first biological child at the age of 36 on my own. I am not worried about the risks or possibility of disabilities because I will get through them. Do what is best for you and if you feel like you need to talk to your OB about "risks" I am sure they will be happy to talk to you. When ibtalked to mine about choosing a fertility dr he had no concerns with my age and neither does my RE (which I knoe personally and know that he would have told me if he had concerns). Good luck and keep your head up.

allie8573 · February 2015

My dad is an ob/gyn. It's 35 and above that can have a higher risk for complications. My sister in law is 32 and just had a perfect baby boy.

merilung · February 2015

Fertility peaks from age 20-25, and my understanding is that that's biologically the "best" age to have a baby. HOWEVER, I certainly would never consider having a baby over 30 (or over 35, for that matter) "dangerous" - risks certainly raise over time as we age, but the most likely outcome by far at any age is a healthy baby.

lsaeedrn · February 2015

It depends upon many more factors than just age. I'm 40 and in no way, shape or form am I concerned about giving birth to a disabled child. I'm also a nurse who've seen many women, over my 10 years of nursing, who've been over 35 and gave birth to healthy babies. Doctors throw figures out based upon cases they have seen or researched, but that does not necessarily mean that it will happen to everyone and lots of that research does not take into account other mitigating factors that may be involved. Don't become freaked out...if you want a child don't let anyone scare you.

piewacketkitty · February 2015

IMHO, age has nothing to do with it, and neither do statistics. If you think about it, statistics are based on reported cases. What about all the unreported cases? I am an unreported case....

I am of the opinion that we are NOT born with just a certain amount of eggs. New research has been talking about this, that actually as long as a woman is still in childbearing years, the body makes, prepares and matures eggs the whole time until menopause actually comes in. Also, I do think part of it is genetic, part of it is how well you have and do take care of your body.

I am probably the oldest TTC'er here-now age 47-will be 48 in May. Had my first child 3 days before my 44th birthday. Got pregnant with #1 girl on first try at home doing self-IUI age 43. I am/tried for #2-got pregnant on 2nd try, miscarried only because of the fact that I was in the middle of a flare of Ulcerative Colitis (which I have had since age 15ish), and was taking a bit of steroids to combat inflammation (probably should not have been TTC then, but I did), which ended up ruining my lining and leading to a miscarriage. Didn't realize steroids would do that....so...
Then I ended up bleeding for a good while spotting off and on for several months before finally using castor oil to get it all out. Then my body took time getting back to normal-tried again in December, got pregnant again but lost baby because of horrible flu I got with horribly high temps and serious stomach flu along with it (even though I got the dumb flu shot...) So now I will try again maybe in a month or so.

My point is, to me, age means nothing. Yes I have good genes, I have a grandmother who is healthy and almost 103, my mother is 81+ and still has her dark brown chestnut hair and looks 50 and acts like she is 20

(and is still working full-time in her 2nd career) and my great-grandmother had her second set of kids (after having 5 right after marriage in her early 20s) she then proceeded to have my grandmother at age 43 and her sister at age 44, and that was in 1912 and 1913!!!

If you are in the right frame of mind, if you keep really good care of yourself, if you eat right, do daily exercise, keep the stress away, and that includes not freaking out over things like this, anything is possible. You may need to work at it, but it is worth it, right?

My girl is now almost 4 (in May) and she is the smartest, happiest, funniest, brightest girl in her 3's class. We even did an autism study at JOhn Hopkins for 'older' moms and kids to see if age was a connection to having all these autistic kids_ I don't believe it is, and that seems to be true too. Well not only is my girl not autistic, which I already knew, but she was testing for age 5 and above at age 3. Yeah, maybe she has good genes too like my great-grandmother (who lived til age 94), my almost 103 year old grandmother ( who plans to live to at least 106), my 81+ mom, who is as much a crazy/wild child as my 3 year old, and me, age 47 and still going to get my #2 one of these days. And I have NO concerns in there being any problems, none whatsoever. I think people push this age stuff way too much, and I think people seem to forget that over history women have always had children into their mid to upper 40s for centuries. It is only now that statistics have gotten in the way to scare the masses.
Do what you want to do and feel is right. For me, age has nothing to do with it. Health and being ready for conceiving is what matters. I always have believed that getting ready to be pregnant is like training for a marathon, you need to be fit, healthy, strong and in the right mindset. Then all your goals will come true. And I also think people do too much modern testing with machines that I think are what hurt fetuses. After all autism is a more recent event and the only difference in pregnancy/birth is this over use of tests/procedures and the push for C-sections and inductions, none of which I did with #1 or will do with #2.
And these are all my opinions, but the fact is I did have a healthy pregnancy and child at age 43, and will do so again (and I had a home-birth too).
Good luck to everyone here.

bananapudding · February 2015

Thanks everyone for your responses. I know I was just freaking myself out for nothing because the majority of women now a days are having babies over 30. I'm still going to try of course, I don't think anything could actually make me NOT.

EMG_REL · February 2015

I've never heard anyone use 30 as the threshold before, just 35 or 40. My wife and I each gave birth to healthy babies at the age of 32 (Well, I turned 32 four days after he was born.). Out of all of my friends with young children (Let's say about fifteen women. I don't have Facebook, so all of my friends are in real life, haha.), I can only think of one who had her first when she was younger than 30...and she was 29. My sister-in-law will be 40 in September, and they're currently TTC for their second and trying not to let the risks scare them into giving up. I think it really is a case by case basis, anyway.

bananapudding · February 2015

EMG_REL wrote:

I've never heard anyone use 30 as the threshold before, just 35 or 40. My wife and I each gave birth to healthy babies at the age of 32 (Well, I turned 32 four days after he was born.). Out of all of my friends with young children (Let's say about fifteen women. I don't have Facebook, so all of my friends are in real life, haha.), I can only think of one who had her first when she was younger than 30...and she was 29. My sister-in-law will be 40 in September, and they're currently TTC for their second and trying not to let the risks scare them into giving up. I think it really is a case by case basis, anyway.

Yeah, I was dying to tell my cousin that it's not like as soon as you turn 30 then BAM your eggs are rotten and you'll have nothing but complications. But, I didn't say anything because it would have just resulted in an argument lol.

Could use some reassurance

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