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Hoping for a baby for our 5th anniversary....

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Comments

  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Bleed. OPK. Ovulate. (-)HPT. Repeat.

    I feel like this is the cycle my life has been on for as long as I can remember now. BFN again this morning at 12dpo and cramps have begun.

    I didn't hold much faith in this month, but of course I was wishing for a Christmas miracle. No matter how many times you've been through this, the disappointment never goes away.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Today was rough. For some reason over the past couple of days despite having negative HPTs I had a renewed sense of hope that maybe just maybe there was something in there after all. I knew I was wrong I knew deep down that I wasn't but a small voice in the back of my head told me not to give up just yet. I woke up today just sad though, knowing that soon I would be starting my period and whatever illusion I had convinced myself of would be gone. I took a shower and my wife came up to check on me as she wanted us to get out of the house for a bit and I just broke down, I haven't cried like that in a while. We both cried together for awhile then I got up and went to go get dressed and broke down again. Oddly enough, once I calmed down and really started to get dressed, I went to use the bathroom and there was AF. That actually calmed me down quite a bit and snapped me back into reality.

    As I know so many of you on here know, it's so hard to want something so badly and have so little control over it. This time of year is also always tough. For years my wife and I have planned holiday traditions that we want to start with our family, and year after year goes by without having the child we both want so badly.

    Trying to get through this and keep the faith. :/
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • kelleymelkelleymel Posts: 1,402
    edited November -1
    I can't recall, but have you had your fetility tested??HSG test? AMH and FSH?
    TTC #1: BFP Cycle #11 IVF (2014)
    TTC #2: IVF April 2017
    BFP: FET Due February 2018
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    kelleymel wrote:
    I can't recall, but have you had your fetility tested??HSG test? AMH and FSH?
    To be honest I don't know about AMH but I have had my an HSG which was fine and my FSH was perfect for my age.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    This is my horoscope for the day: Leo horoscope for Dec 22 2014
    Some people believe that you should be grateful for not just the blessings in your life - but also for the challenges, disappointments, and betrayals you experience. These offer you valuable experience. They stir your empathy for others who have experienced the same things. It helps you to have a broader perspective on the world at large. It's hard to feel grateful, though, when you are suffering. Soon, a huge disappointment will prove itself to be a blessing in disguise, and you will feel very grateful for it.

    Hoping that I can be at peace soon, no matter what happens. Until my fertility troubles I have always had an "everything happens for a reason" attitude. TTC has definitely challenged that for me, but I'm hoping things will look up soon.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    I long for the day when my life resembles some type of normalcy. I try to be optimistic and strong, and most of the time I succeed but it's just hard as I really feel like my life hasn't started yet. I have a fantastic marriage, the best wife and I hate to sound like she isn't "enough", it's just that my picture doesn't seem complete. I talked with my RE about starting injectibles, and we may start over the next month or so but we are likely going to need to wait until after the Race to Parenthood in April. My RE's office has a grant so the medication is super cheap, but I'd be looking at 4-6 ultrasounds (which with my long cycles would likely be 6) at nearly $200 each paired with the cost of the IUI so we'd be looking at about $1600 once everything is said and done (not including the sperm which I've already bought). Definitely not bad given some of the alternatives, but we are trying really hard to bring down our debt so adding more to it right now probably isn't the best idea. If the timing works out right we will probably go one last go around with our KD this cycle and then I think we will have to call it quits. If he lived closer it wouldn't be as big of a deal, but it's really trying to coordinate our schedules especially since we don't know until a day or so before.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Well, new year, new opportunities! Trying to keep a positive outlook for this year despite all of the disappointment 2014 brought and that it looks like I'm going to have an anovulatory month which hasn't happened in quite some time. I'm on CD 18 today and no sign of ovulation in sight. I had a smiley on Saturday morning (CD15) but my dip strip with the same urine was no where close to positive and I've had no other symptoms of ovulation at this point. I've had scant amounts of CM here and there but that's been happening since last ovulation for some reason. My body has been super strange the past few weeks though. I'm not sure what is going on. I've been shedding much more, my face has been breaking out, bouts of nausea, my leg will randomly feel kind of numb and I've had this weird little dull ache in the same spot low in my abdomen off and on then yesterday I got super hungry all of a sudden but as soon as I took two bites of my food my stomach cramped up to the point I had to go to the bathroom just so I could take my pants off. Seemed like that was just quite a bit of gas randomly but it was so bad to the point I had to go home from work. I think my hormones have suddenly gone crazy so I'm a bit worried I might have a cyst or a fibroid or something. I even took an HPT the other day just because my body has been acting so weird.

    In any case, opportunity is on the horizon. Registration opened yesterday for The Race to Parenthood 5k which will hopefully help us raise much needed funds to continue with our journey. I have to admit that it's kind of hard to not feel a since of competitiveness with the other couples which I hate because their journey is just important as ours! It's just hard wanting something so much and having such a huge financial burder to get there. Why can't money just grow on trees?!?! :P
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    I'm a little sad this morning. I got a text from my uncle (who has always been a father figure to me since mine wasn't in the picture) asking me to call him before I went to work. I called him and he told me that my grandmother (who means the world to me) had asked him to call me and explain that my mom was mistaken when she said that my grandma was planning on coming to our fundraising race, that she loves my wife and I dearly but she just can't "condone" us trying to have a child together. She says she wants the best for us and wants us to become parents but she can't take part in anything that has to do with us trying. I should back up and say that I was really suprised when my mom said that my grandma wanted to come, she came to our wedding reception with hesitation, but did come after being convinced by my cousin. I was practically raised by my grandma as my mom and I lived with her and my mom worked nights. I've always felt extremely close to my grandma, and even plan to name our daughter (if we have a girl) after her. It's just not been the same since I came out, she doesn't treat my wife and I any different, and we have always been extremely grateful for that but just hearing the way she talks about my cousin and his baby, I wonder if she will feel the same way about ours. While my grandma is one of the most faithful people I know, I guess the part that bothers me the most is that I know deep down inside that most of this stems from the fact that she thinks that her church will look down on her for coming. She's made a few comments in the past about my mom and sister not going to church with her and how bad that makes her look and I feel like this is the same. It just hurts a little not having my family's full support in the most important endeavor in my life. In other news, still no ovulation.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Finally surged! Unfortunately timing did not work out to meet with our KD but I'm glad to see my body isn't reverting back to old habits of inovulatory cycles. I felt like crap yesterday and am still feeling pretty icky, found out I have a UTI and the antibiotics seem to be kicking in now. Since I was home sick today, after I got home from the doctor I have spent the afternoon preparing postcards advertising for the race. I've sent them to a few off the wall places as well who knows who might respond! Really hoping things turn out well for the race, we could really use some hope!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Registrations for the race are off to a slow start. I should say they are going pretty slow for most everyone and it's still really early (the race isn't until April) but I guess I was just hopeful for more excitement about it. I'm a little worried that we won't get anywhere close to our goal especially since we anticipate very low family participation. For some reason I found myself talking to our child last night in my head. Not sure what triggered me to do so, but it was a pretty emotional experience. I'm sure part of it is that my progesterone levels seem to be at peak performance this cycle. Normally unmedicated cycles do not produce much in the way of noticible hormonal activities for me, but my boobs are quite sore and the breakout has started again, pair that with crying at commercials for the movie "Selma" and you have post-ovulation Ana. Probably a good thing we weren't able to try this month, I would probably be a wreck!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    So this post really isn't baby related, just needed to get it out of my system. I haven't been happy at my job for some time now, which makes me feel really guilty considering that I have a decent paying job and a management team that has been nothing by supportive in my TTC efforts and has worked with my crazy ovulation schedule allowing me to be off when I need to etc. It's definitely not an issue for who I work for or with, they are a great company and great people. I'm just burnt out and more than that I am not meant to be a manager. While I think of myself as a strong leader, I suck at actually managing people. I hate confrontation and will often avoid discussions about poor behavior etc. I don't see that changing in myself, it's just not who I am. I'm also younger than most of the people on my team which I think sometimes leads to a lack of respect. I've tried to move into different areas of the company, but always get talked out of applying for whatever reason or as of late they've really started beefing up "qualifications" which I don't have a lot of. I started this job at an entry level right out of college and moved into my current position about two years later. Fast forward 8 years, I'm still here, still doing the same thing. I feel like I'm really good working with our clients but it's just the actual managing people part that gets me. Pair that with managing people across 6 different locations and I'm just tired. I've applied to numerous jobs over the past couple of years and have not even been called for an interview. I had my resume' professionally reviewed. I just don't know what to do. Between not being able to conceive to date and not being able to even have the opportunity for an interview to get a new job my self worth is really poor currently. I wouldn't consider myself depressed (I have been there before and this definitely isn't that) but I just feel defeated. I feel so guilty for even talking about this, overall I have a pretty great life. I have a wonderful wife, a great family, great friends, a roof over my head, a decent paying job... many people can't say that. I know I can't have it all, I just wish I had a place where I wanted to go to work every day, where I didn't feel anxiety every time a problem arises with one of my team members and of course, my number one goal, have a child. I feel like at least if I had one or the other it would make the other a little more bareable. While of course I look forward going home to my wife in the evenings (it's my favorite part of the day) something is missing in our home and in my heart. Praying that 2015 will bring great things to our lives, a change is definitely needed.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Yesterday started as a good day, my boss took me to lunch at a fancy hotel restaurant to go over my review at which point I got an additional raise on top of my performance review raise. Got off of work, started headed home to have a quick dinner before my RESOLVE meeting when I realized my best friend hadn't called me back from the night before. I called her just to check in and she sounded a little down and said that she was just tired and that "well, I took a pregnancy test last night and it was positive and I confirmed it at the doctor today." A little backstory, for over the past decade my friend has only dated women. About this time last year, she decided that she was in to men, fine. She was dating this one guy on and off from about say February to Octoberish at which time they still had a bit of a "friends with benefits" relationship. So late November she tells me about this guy that she met online who she's been talking to a bit and he is moving here December 1st for a job from out of state. Fine, great. Then a little before Christmas I find out they are engaged. A bit quick but again, fine. They got married this past Saturday, I was the photographer for the event (it wasn't a wedding wedding), we celebrated and away we went. 3 days later, she finds out she is pregnant. I want to be supportive I really do it's just really tough because we've been trying for so long and have gotten no where. While it would still sting a bit, it would be different if they would have been dating for awhile and then found out, but for us to work so hard to try to accomplish the one goal I have had my entire life and then she gets pregnant within the first 3 weeks of laying eyes on her now husband, is just a shot through the heart. Now all she wants to talk about is baby, and I feel stuck. On the one hand I don't want her or anyone else to dance around me, I want them to treat me like a normal person, but on the other hand I wish I could hide from her for the next 9 months or at least until we are pregnant. This one has probably been the hardest on me other than my 19yo sister in law, but even with her, at least she had been dating her boyfriend for over a year when she got pregnant! I really want to be a good friend, but I just feel a piece of my heart breaking. I'm trying to remain positive about all the great things I have in my life, but boy this is going to be a tough one.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    AF started today, which says to me that either my luteal phase is shortening or I'm ovulating a lot sooner than I thought as it relates to OPK testing. On Sunday afternoon 01/11 I had what looked close to a positive OPK but the second line was still slightly lighter. I had run out of smiley's by then and I don't trust using them alone anyway due to some false positives I have received. So by Monday morning 1/12 they were definitely positive, but they also appeared positive up until the morning of 01/13. If I go by my normal luteal phase length, today would be 14dpo which would put me on target for ovulating on 01/12. Temping doesn't really work for me as I never sleep through the night without having to pee and my temps vary quite a bit depending on when I have to get up.

    In other news, I'm feeling better about my friend and her pregnancy. We had a talk late last week and I think it was good for me to get my emotions out there. While it's still hard for me to be excited for her at this point, I feel better.
    So far we've raised just over $600 for the race which is no where near where I would like to be, but I am grateful for every penny of it and luckily we still have just under 3 months to raise more. Still feeling pretty stressed with work, I'm starting to get anxious about coming in, especially when I know there is a situation I have to deal with but I'm trying to work through those feelings and make the best of it.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • PatienceisavirtuePatienceisavirtue Posts: 777
    edited November -1
    Hi Ana! We registered for the virtual 5k last night. I also sent the link out to a few of my friends and am trying to convince them to walk with us. Hope that's not too creepy coming from an Internet stranger :D
    TTC #1: 1-5 BFN; 6- BFP
    TTC #2: since June 2016...
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    That is so awesome! You must be the stranger that showed up on my list last this morning!!! Thank you so much, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I FB'd the name and I saw there was someone who was a friend of a friend so I just assumed that was the person who registered, but I'm so excited to know it was you. Thanks again for your support, and baby E is absolutely adorable!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • PatienceisavirtuePatienceisavirtue Posts: 777
    edited November -1
    Lol, yep that stranger is probably me! I figured you'd be notified of the people on your team so I thought I'd out myself lol. If there are any more strangers, they might be my friends (but they are procrastinators so it would probably be closer to the race date)

    That is funny about facebook. I've never had one but I do have a common name so there are probably a lot of profiles with my name.

    I hope the rest of your fundraising goes well!
    TTC #1: 1-5 BFN; 6- BFP
    TTC #2: since June 2016...
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    That's so kind of you. I can't tell you what it means to me. I've been kind of in a bad place lately just not being where I thought I would be at this point in my life especially as it relates to parenthood so it's so great to know that there are people out there like you! Thanks again!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    So I know many of you on here don't participate in religious practices, and I'd be lying to say that I'm "devout" in any way shape or form, but I do consider myself a pretty spiritual person and I do practice Christianity, though I do find meaning in many other faiths. In any case, for Lent I decided to give up self doubt and negativity. This journey has really turned me into someone I don't always know. So I decided to make a concious effort to live positively and try to rid myself of negativity as much as possible. I have had my moments but so far when I identify that I'm getting to that stressful place, I take a moment and try to center myself again. So far so good!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited March 2015
    Today has been a good day. We went from just my mom and my sister coming to our fundraiser race to my mom, my sister, my aunt, 6 cousins and wait for it....my grandma! It means the world to me that she is coming and that so many more of my family members have registered. I'm a little heartbroken for my wife though, at this point no one in her family has registered and we really don't think that they will. Her parents are coming to visit this weekend and she plans to have a talk with them before they leave which I don't really know how that is going to go. Her parents have come around to the idea of me and have been very welcoming and kind to me but I doubt that I will ever be introducted as their daughter-in-law. They have never hidden their beliefs on the matter and I know that is hard for my wife (they didn't come to our wedding either). She really loves her dad (her mom is her step mom) and I know she really wants to have a closer relationship with him being 100% herself and knowing that he accepts her for who she is.

    Race registrations are coming along, we are still behind the other teams (some pretty significantly) but having my family there makes up for it and if my wife's family comes that will really be the icing on the cake. Of course we want to be able to raise as much as we possibly can, but right now having our family's support means so much more than money. :)
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Well unfortunately our KD engaged in some potentially risky sexual behavior so it looks like we are officially done trying with our KD. I'm kind of bummed because we really liked him and we really thought he could be a great male figure in our child's life later down the road, but I guess everything happens for a reason. At least we have the race coming up to look forward to and hopefully it will give us the opportunity to open new doors. Trying to stay positive! It will happen! It will happen!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Trying *really* hard not to even start to get my hopes up right now. We just got a call from my wife's mother in Indiana that a friend of a friend is 5 months pregnant with her 5th child and is looking to give him up for adoption at birth. She told her about us and she is interested in talking with us further. Of course there are so many things that we need to go over and many things would be an automatic deal breaker for us. While I really want to carry, part of the reason we decided not to pursue adoption further when we first investigated it was because we knew we couldn't afford a full service agency and the thought of needing to do a lot of the leg work to locate a birth mother was just overwhelming to me. This may end up being nothing, but calls out of the blue like this do not come every day.
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    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • b&kmakebabiesb&kmakebabies Posts: 818
    edited November -1
    Wow, I just read through your posts here and you have been through so much...you really deserve this! I'll be checking back often to see how it pans out.

    I'm also intrigued by the Race to Parenthood! It's a great program...if I wasn't on vacation to Vegas that weekend I'd come as it is not far from us.
    Cnc9m5.png

    TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Thank you b&k! Haven't heard anything from her yet but of course it has been less than 24 hours!

    Have a great time in Vegas! :)
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Well it's been over a week now and still no call or email. I'm okay though, I really didn't get my hopes up about it at all for once. Now I'm just waiting for my cycle to start next week so I can start my injectibles cycle. I'm getting a little nervous about starting to try again. I've been pretty good emotionally for a while now and I'm afraid of getting let down again and slipping back into a dark place. I'm trying to stay positive though. I have to say that right now the only thing that has been on my mind stemmed from another thread about IVF not being offered to an obese patient. I do not want to start a conversation about that here, but I did read through most of the thread and it was honestly kind of hard to read. Not because I was taking one person's side over the other but having been overweight my whole life and now being classified as obese, I frequently worry about if my weight is what is prohibiting me from getting pregnant and if I am blessed enough to get pregnant I want to make sure that I instill healthy eating and exercise habits into my child at a young age. I'm extremely healthy other than my weight. I test perfect for all functions etc. and I doubt I eat much differently than most people that are half my size. I'm working on my weight and I hope to be at a healthier weight soon, but I will be honest that I frequently yo-yo and I can literally (really not kidding) step on the scale today at one weight, have one meal that is less than perfect and weigh in 3+ lbs heavier tomorrow. I also don't get much exercise. I work a desk job and I stay in my office most of the day. A few weeks ago I rigged my desk up so I could stand most of the day then sprained my ankle the very next morning and I am still having problems with it. Anyway, all of this to say, I have some work to do. I don't ever want to possibly lose my one dream in life to being overweight.

    In other news, race participation is finally starting to pick up. We still aren't quite where we would like to be, but I'm just so grateful for what we have accomplished. Hopefully these last 2 1/2 weeks will bring some more registrations and donations to put us that much closer to our goal!
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    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    I have no idea why but for the past few weeks I've been having random dreams that I am breastfeeding a baby. Haha oh what we dream!

    This cycle has actually been good for me, while I often have "symptoms" outside of the months that I'm trying this month has been particularly strong. I'm 9dpo and my boobs still hurt (maybe something to do with my breastfeeding dreams haha) and I've had episodes of nausea and exhaustion. Anyway, as someone who has been a frequent symptom spotter, it's good to know that these symptoms can happen to me on months when I am on 0 drugs and have no chance of being pregnant that way my mental health is not ruined on months that I do try! Getting anxious/excited for April though. I scheduled our sperm shipment yesterday and now just waiting for flo to come next week!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    The race is 12 days away eek! I'm excited but I'm kind of ready for it to be over too. There is nothing I hate worse than asking people for money and it's been kind of disheartening to see how many people don't even acknowledge you. My DW's stepbrother is coming, but as of right now he is the only person out of her family or that is not one of our mutual friends that is coming for her. She acts like it doesn't bother her, but I know it does. I don't know, I don't want to sound bratty or that I "expect" anything, I'm not that kind of person at all. But even some of my close friends haven't registered or even acknowledged, I mean at least they could say, "hey I want you to know I'm there for you in spirit, but I won't be able to make it." I think I just take it personally when I shouldn't. This past weekend was a huge 10k in our area that brings out thousands of people and seeing so many of my friends that participated in that but haven't acknowledged the race made me a little sad.

    Anyway, pity party over. :)
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Well I started injectables last night! AF came a day early on Tuesday and I went for my baseline u/s yesterday. I also convinced my doctor to do an endometrial scratch to see if that helps at all. If all goes well we should have our IUI the week after the race! Trying to stay positive and know that great things are going to happen! We also officially signed our life away last night and our house goes on the market Monday! I'm a little nervous about how all of it will play out, but again trying to keep the faith! We have a lot of projects to do over the weekend to finish prepping to start showing the house, but I think we can get it done! It will be good to have something to take my mind of of the TTC process, just hoping it doesn't turn into anything too stressful!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • PatienceisavirtuePatienceisavirtue Posts: 777
    edited April 2015
    Baby Dust from E to Team Green!
    96F590E3-E7CB-4291-8A25-6D7F65B75AAF_zpsca3oseog.jpg


    We did our walk this morning! Thanks for giving us a reason to be active and healthy. Hope you guys have a wonderful race day!!! Good luck!!!
    TTC #1: 1-5 BFN; 6- BFP
    TTC #2: since June 2016...
  • merilungmerilung Posts: 1,177
    edited November -1
    Happy race day!!
    TTC since September 2007 - 8 donor insems in 2012, all BFN. DH had varicocele repair #2 1/3/14.
    It worked! Two clomid cycles and two IUI's with injectables all BFN, on to IVF! 3dt of 2 perfect embryos on 12/15/14, BFP 7dp3dt! Frederick Lars born at 37 weeks on 8/15/15!! FET for #2 on 9/29/16 - BFP 5dp5dt!! Bertram Wilder and Mabel Moon born at 28.4 weeks on 3/29/17!
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Awe look at baby E and his race bib!!! Thank you all so much it was a great day we had a lot of family change their minds and come, we also had the top male finisher which helped earn us an extra $250! I will post a full run down later but it was an awesome day! Thank you all so much!
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    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
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