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Hoping for a baby for our 5th anniversary....

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Comments

  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Well I just ordered what may be our last vial of sperm at least for a good long while. While I wanted to do an ICI at home in addition to the IUI, with the move and everything financially we can't really afford it right now. We want to save enough out of our race money for our adoption home study (though hopefully we won't need it and can use it towards my wife's second parent adoption!). So we've decided one last try. Funny though, I got notified that a donor we were looking at is now available. I feel like it may be meant to be. His donor number is the year we got married and he shares several characteristics with my wife. So after the move we will be gearing up for last go around. Going to spend the next couple of months focusing on myself and really trying to get myself physically and emotionally prepared!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Eek! It's appraisal day of our current house! The appraiser should be arriving in the next 15 minutes or so. Fingers crossed that it appraises. I'm getting so excited about our new house. The yard there is amazingly beautiful and has a screened in gazebo which I'm looking forward to hanging out in. I'm not sure what is going on with my weight though. I have gained 12 lbs in the last month and a half or so. While I haven't been eating the greatest, I definitely haven't been overdoing it. It's not uncommon for me to fluxuate but this time has been quite a lot. I guess it's just stress, but I've got to get it under control as I definitely want to lose a bit before our next try. Anyway, short post today, hope all is well!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • merilungmerilung Posts: 1,177
    edited November -1
    Are you on fertility meds? I gained 20 pounds a month on clomid and hadn't changed my eating at all, so fertility drugs can definitely screw with your weight.
    TTC since September 2007 - 8 donor insems in 2012, all BFN. DH had varicocele repair #2 1/3/14.
    It worked! Two clomid cycles and two IUI's with injectables all BFN, on to IVF! 3dt of 2 perfect embryos on 12/15/14, BFP 7dp3dt! Frederick Lars born at 37 weeks on 8/15/15!! FET for #2 on 9/29/16 - BFP 5dp5dt!! Bertram Wilder and Mabel Moon born at 28.4 weeks on 3/29/17!
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    I'm not currently but last month was my first time doing injections so that is a definite possibillity. Just wonder how long it takes to get completely out of my system if that is what it is.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    I'm on the verge of tears right now. I have really been working on trying to remain calm and keep positive. I've been doing work using Louise Hay's methods which have been super beneficial but I'm having a really hard time right now. Last night we found our that our new house didn't appraise which sometimes is a good thing because you pay less for the house, however now our seller has pulled closing costs off of the table and I have no idea where we are going to come up with that money. We are trying to get switched over to this no downpayment loan which would free up some cash after our house closes, but that is not guaranteed and we are exactly 2 weeks away from closing on both houses. Our mortgage broker is out of town as her husband is having a medical procedure so her responsiveness is limited and I haven't been able to find out if she has someone covering for her. Put that on top of the fact we haven't gotten our appraisal back from our current house yet and our A/C has been broken for almost a month now and we have been fighting with our home warranty company about getting it replaced. I'm on CD 27 and I still haven't ovulated, I think it's because of the stress. I guess I could be having an anovulatory month due to the injections last month as well. I'm so overwhelmed right now. Just hoping for some good news, just hate all of the waiting!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    So our appraisal came back on our current house and it appraised! So that's great news. We are still in limbo about the no down payment mortgage loan though and as much as I'm trying to remain calm, I feel like every nerve in my body is pulsating. We make too much money combined to get the no down payment loan and I have too much debt with my student loans to qualify by myself. My wife financially qualifies by herself but we are stuck in a technicality right now as my wife owns 10% of her business but due to her business partnership she has a guaranteed salary and the company has not turned a profit yet. Sounds like no big deal but because she and her business partner own 10% each they had to form an LLC to protect them as individuals from any liability so for that LLC she owns 50% and they haven't been in business for the magical 2 year mark yet. So now we are jumping through hoops trying to get letters from the CPA explaining and a letter from the 80% owner of the business and now we are only 13 days away from when we are supposed to close. I admittedly have a problem with needing to be in control and I feel so powerless over this which I think is what is causing my nerves to be so haywire.

    In other news I had a couple of brown spots when I wiped this morning, today is CD28 and I honestly didn't do a very good job tracking ovulation in the beginning of the cycle though I think I was pretty good about it around day 12 or so and never had a surge show up so I may be getting ready to start which would make sense as to why I'm so anxious right now!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    So today is CD38 still no ovulation or period. The brown mucus finally went away over the weekend and the doctor had me to take another HPT just to be sure before sending me a prescription for Provera. Needless to say I start my Provera this evening. In house news, we were finally able to get the mortgage situation straightened out and should be closing on both houses Thursday! I'm ready for my nerves to get back in line, I have been a big ball of anxiety the past couple of weeks!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    It's been awhile since I've last written. Let's see we officially moved into our new house, our old house was closed on and we are in the process of making our new house our home for the next 20 or so odd years! I finally bled 10 days after I finished my Provera. I was really starting to think something was up because it was taking so long to kick in. So now I'm working on trying to lose some weight before we do our final IUI. Between our injectible cycle and eating crap during the home buying/selling/moving process I gained quite a bit of weight and definitely want to lose at least 20 lbs before we try again. This will be our last try before we start the home study process for adoption so I want to make sure I have done everything I can. I'm hoping by September we can try again but as much as I want our house to be done already, it's nice having the distraction and not rushing myself to try again. I'm so glad this move is over and now I'm trying to take some time to get my nerves back in shape and get my body more in shape too!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • PatienceisavirtuePatienceisavirtue Posts: 777
    edited November -1
    Congrats on the house and the move! What a wonderful feeling it must be to have a home that you know you will be in long term.
    TTC #1: 1-5 BFN; 6- BFP
    TTC #2: since June 2016...
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Thanks Patience! Well I'm off to the RE tomorrow, I have got to try to figure out what is going on with my hormones. I have been all out of whack since our last IUI in April. So that was our first injectible cycle and I ended up spotting at 10DPO and started full force 11DPO which was totally out of the norm. Since then I have not ovulated or had a period on my own. In the beginning of June I had some brown spotting daily when I wiped but nothing else so the doc had me to do a HPT just to double check then started me on Provera. I took the Provera for 10 days then started 10 days after that. Fast forward 2 weeks later, I'm bleeding again, mostly dark brown with some red in it and clots. It's not a lot but consistent and enough to have to change a panty liner a couple of times a day. Not to mention, I have gained more than 20 lbs since our Just need to get it together so we can start again in the fall!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Busy few days, my sweet grandma is in the hospital and they have found a mass on her lung. We are all devestated and hoping that the test results come back negative. She just keeps saying "but I've never smoked", we're trying to calm her down, obviously that's not the only way things like this come about, but we remain hopeful that it's not what they think it is. I went to my RE Wednesday, the U/S showed just tiny cysts on my ovaries and the doctor thinks that my PCOS is acting up again. He wants me to take Provera every month until we are ready to try again in the fall. I also had my thyroid tested again and I am waiting for the results of it. Anyway, hope everyone else is doing well! If you get a moment please say a prayer or send up positive energy for my grandma!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • StephnHeidsStephnHeids Posts: 407
    edited November -1
    Oh no!! Praying for you and for your grandma! Hugs!
  • b&kmakebabiesb&kmakebabies Posts: 818
    edited November -1
    Hope everything is okay with your grandma! I've been thinking of you.
    Cnc9m5.png

    TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Thanks b&k. We are supposed to get the first test results back today and then we will go from there. :/
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    My cycle is still all kinds of messed up. My doctor had me to do another round of Provera last month and right before I started my period I had a little bit of EWCM, not a lot like I normally get but a little. So this morning which would be 2 weeks since I last started I started spotting again. We'll see if it turns into full blood but I'm a bit crampy this morning so I kind of think that I will. I'm just so glad we aren't trying right now. I would be pulling my hair out with all the confusion. I feel so torn right now, I really want to keep trying at least do the last try that we had planned but in some ways fear comes over me as well, that what if it does work, how would we afford daycare etc.? We don't have any family in the area and while my wife's work schedule has some flexibility, we are already pretty tight financially. I'm working on trying to get out of debt but admittedly lived beyond my means for a while when I was younger, paired with student loans and now I am in debt up to my eyeballs. Deep down I know we would make it work somehow, but already struggle with having deep amounts of stress with my job and I really want to find something new, but I make decent money for having a degree in religion and I know that if I were to start over (unless I went back to management which I want to get out of desperately) I would be starting out significantly lower. I just want to make the right decisions for my family. I want so badly to be a mother, but I'm also only 31, is me not getting pregnant a sign that we should wait a little longer, try to get a little further out of debt and find a new job first? Then my wife keeps going back and forth with if she wants to try if my last try doesn't work. It's not because she wants to carry but more from the financial aspect that newborn adoption is very expensive. So much to think about. I wish that somehow all the questions in life could somehow magically be answered!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • b&kmakebabiesb&kmakebabies Posts: 818
    edited November -1
    So many decisions! I understand where you are coming from. I worry sometimes about the financial aspect, too. It can be harder from our standpoint because we actually are forced to make calculated decisions versus if we got pregnant by surprise. And no matter how much number crunching you do, I doubt 99% of people are technically financially ready to have a baby. I've decided that if we can manage to afford all of these vials of sperm and procedures every month, it won't be that difficult to pay for a newborn (tight, but manageable). It's all so nerve wracking though...

    Take some time to think it out and discuss with your wife. The right answer will make itself clear to you one way or another. Usually the universe works like that. Good luck on the process, and know that you have many here that will support you!
    Cnc9m5.png

    TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Thanks b&k, I appreciate the support and fingers crossed for you!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Well back to the doctor for me again this afternoon. My spotting yesterday did turn into full bleeding today, just two weeks after my last period. I have been completely messed up ever since our last insemination in April. My doctor swears it's not from the meds and at this point I can't imagine whatever side effect I may have had wouldn't be gone by now but I don't know what is going on. While they aren't consistent in length, my cycles have been pretty regular for the last couple of years and I don't ever remember a time when I've had this issue with bleeding every couple of weeks. I left a message with my RE last night and the nurse called a little while ago and they want me to come in. I just want to prepare my body for our last try and this bleeding every other week is not helping!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    So the good news is there was no noticeable polyps etc but the doctor doesn't know what is wrong to make me be bleeding so often . The only thing he can think is that I was ovulating around the time the Provera induced period started and that this is now my natural period. He doesn't want me to do any meds at all right now until we can see what my body does over the next month. Hopefully it will straighten out so we can try again next month or October. I had a thought last night. When I was 14ish all of my friends had lost their virginity (I hung out with the bad influence crowd :) ) I at that point had not even kissed a boy. Thus was born the lie that I had sex with a guy at a party and was pregnant, of course I knew the lie couldn't last forever, so I lied again and said I miscarried. I of course was found out and I regretted my lies for a long time but then put it out of my mind. Now that I'm at a place where I actually want children that childhood cry for attention has come back to my mind and I can't help but wonder if this is some kind of karma. While I'm sure it's not, you can't help what you think about during this process. Anyway, just a thought that came to my mind last night.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Well my grandma was officially diagnosed with cancer today. We still don't know exactly which organ it is associated with or the staging. They plan to start radiation next week. I'm doing okay, of course I'm worried about her, but it seems like they caught it early. Today just reiterated for me how much I want to have a baby before I lose my grandma. While hopefully I have a lot more time with her, it's just so important to me for her to meet our child. Just hoping that all turns out okay for her. This has understandably broken her spirit, getting older really sucks.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • b&kmakebabiesb&kmakebabies Posts: 818
    edited November -1
    So sorry about your Grandma...hopefully they caught it early!
    Cnc9m5.png

    TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Well it's been a couple of weeks, let's see where to start... So my grandma was actually diagnosed with mesothelioma, luckily it hasn't spread past the initial location but they are not pursuing any treatment for her at this time due to her age. We are hopeful that we still have a good amount of time left with her, and she is in good spirits. She celebrated her 82nd birthday Sunday.

    We have decided to wait until January/February for my last try. First and foremost I have got to get my body working correctly. While the length of my cycles have always been abnormal, I have not shown any LH surge or symtpoms of ovulation since our last IUI in April. I just can't tolerate the Metformin ER having IBS as much as I have tried and since my Glumetza prices suddenly went through the roof, I am officially unmedicated for my PCOS. I started on some supplements yesterday and both my wife and I are making a conscious effort to get in shape. So what's next, I'm remaining hopeful that next time WILL be my time and I will have a successful pregnancy. We are going to do both an ICI vial and the RE assisted IUI for that cycle. At least I will know that if it doesn't work I have done everything I possibly could. If it does not work, my wife is going to try once and then we will begin the adoption process. While the thought of it possibly not working and not being able to carry of course still makes me sad, I'm a lot more at peace with it than I was.

    I'm also working on getting out of debt as much as possible. I've consolidated my credit card debt into a lower interest personal loan that will be paid off in 5 years. That sounds like a god awful amount of time, but at least I have an end date. I have closed out most of my accounts and have one in the lock box for emergencies only. Unfortunately I still have 12 years left on my student loans but I feel like I'm making progress at least. It's difficult because I absolutely love buying gifts and buying things for the new house, but I have to look at the future and I don't want one filled with debt.

    Anyway, that's all for me right now!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    I have so many thoughts running through my head right now I just don't know what to do. First I dreamt that I was pregnant with twins last night, the dream came complete with those realistic physical feelings that make you feel disoriented when you wake up. I of course woke up kind of still having the feelings but knowing that I'm not pregnant and feeling empty.

    As I mentioned last post that my grandma was diagnosed with mesothelioma, I think a part of me is in denial as the thought of losing the woman who has been like a mother to me has been given 6-12 months to live. Which brings me to my actual mother, whom I love because she's my mother but I've never felt a motherly bond with her. She's on disability and lives with my grandma and my 14 year old sister. My grandma is on a reverse mortgage so it's going to make it that much harder for my mom to stay in the house. My grandma has no life insurance either. I don't know what to do. Of course I wouldn't let my mom be on the streets but she cannot live with me, not only for my sanity but it would absolutely destroy my marriage. Not to mention we just bought a 3 bedroom house which would work for now but once we finally have a baby someone would have to share a room. My uncles are working on seeing if my grandma qualifies for any mesothelioma settlement and depending on what she gets try to keep my mom in the house. My mom should qualify for a Section 8 voucher but the wait list isn't even open right now. Then of course comes the guilt from turning away my mother, our personalities are just completely different, I haven't spent more than 3 days at a time with my mom since I was 13 years old.
    Then I think about the high probability that my grandma will never meet my child and that breaks my heart. I just have so many emotions running through my body right now fear, grief, guilt, emptiness.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Well I'm feeling a bit better today than when I last wrote, probably because I've been avoiding all issues listed above that have been stressing me out. I know that is not the way to deal with things but I had to let it go for a bit for my own sanity. In better news my best friend's son (our godson) was born on Wednesday and he is absolutely perfect. I had a really hard time when she first got pregnant as it happened literally within the first two weeks she had been dating this guy but I've moved on now and having him here is such a blessing. Our niece or nephew is due any day now so we will have another little one to love on soon. It's an exciting time, but of course my uterus is screaming each time I hold one too.

    My cycle is still wonky, I still haven't ovulated but have been having outward CM for about a week now. At first I thought I was just going to start bleeding because it went from having brown to pink to red mixed in but now it's mostly clear but still pretty noticable. Still no LH surge though and I'm on CD 35. Really trying to work on my weight now and hopefully will be at a much better place by January or February when we try again. I saw something on Facebook the other day that really motivated me that (as of then) there were 17 weeks left in the year and if you were to lose 2.5 lbs a week until then you will have lost 42.5 lbs by January 1. So that's my goal and hopefully it will not only help me physically and mentally but hopefully it will help me acheive my ultimate goal of becoming a mother. :)
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    I'm pretty frustrated with my body right now. In some ways I'm happy with it, I'm 2.2 lbs down so far this week and getting really close to my 2.5 lb weight loss for the week so I'm happy in that aspect. But I'm still having slippery to EWCM and it's been almost two weeks now but still no LH surge. I haven't noticed any blood in it for the past couple of days so I guess that's a good thing, just wish I could get some type of indication that my body was getting back on track instead of causing more questions. I hate to keep bugging my doctor so I'm going to see how this plays out a little longer and then go from there. Hopefully it's a good thing and maybe my hormones are trying to work themselves out but without an LH surge or a period at this point on CD 39 it's hard to tell!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Well my body appears to be doing something, not sure what yet but something! Today is CD42 and I didn't have any slippery CM yesterday. Then yesterday afternoon my nipples got really tender which has continued through today. I thought for sure I was going to wake up to my period today but nothing so I'm wondering if maybe my LH surge possibly arrived over the weekend. I was out of town so I didn't test this weekend of course. While it's pretty late in the month if it is ovulation, I'm just very happy my body seems to be doing something. It's also pretty rare for my nipples to be this sore if I'm not on medication so that's encouraging to me. We'll see what happens just excited that maybe my body is trying to get back on track!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    So I got really excited this morning, I wiped and there was a little blood which made me think I was actually starting my period on my own and helped solidify that maybe I actually ovulated a couple of weeks ago when my boobs got really sore. But fast forward 3.5 hours later and all it is blood tinged CM?!?! Maybe it's just early and it's going to kick in a little later as I do feel crampy but there was absolutely nothing on my pad. Really hoping that there is some normalcy coming soon. I've been very proud of myself I went to the gym 6 days last week and everyday this week so far (except for today as it's a monsoon on the east coast) but I haven't lost anything. I've been watching what I eat, no fast food and very few meals out period but my weight isn't budging. I haven't been letting it get my down though, I keep pressing forward which is really good for me as I tend to give up easily. I've actually started to enjoy working out and hope that it helps me to get to my ultimate goal of not only being pregnant but being truly healthy.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    So I did officially get my period all by myself Friday! Hurray! I have my pap on Thursday with a new midwife so I'm excited to potentially get a new point of view on how to treat my PCOS. Still busting butt at the gym, the scale finally moved a couple of pounds once AF started, so I'm happy about that. Hopefully gearing up for a new, better, fertile me!
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    Feeling a little anxious today. Other than trying to get my cycle in order, I haven't really thought much about TTC since I knew we were waiting until after the first of the year. This morning though my wife told me she had a dream she was in labor last night and for some reason it hit me. I have dreams all the time that I'm in labor but my wife has never had any pregnancy dreams. It made me really visualize her being pregnant and giving birth and for some reason it just made me feel punched in the gut a little. Over the past few months I've gotten a lot better with the idea of her potentially carrying if my last try didn't work but hadn't really thought about her pregnant and experiencing that overwhelming feeling once the baby finally makes its way into the world. It just made me a little sad that I may not get to experience that. While I know my joy will still be immense beyond measure, just thinking about the baby not being laid on my chest and looking down into its face for the first time hurt a little. I know if it doesn't work for me and it works for my wife it's for a reason and I won't love our baby (or my wife for that matter) any less, it's just hard to give up everything I have ever envisioned when it comes to pregnancy and motherhood.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
  • ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November 2015
    I feel like my emotions have been waiting to explode for the past three months. Since my grandmother was diagnosed with mesothelioma in August, I really haven't cried until this morning. Over the past two weeks though so has declined rapidly and is now in home hospice, unable to get out of bed or say more than a few words at a time. She is in a tremendous amount of pain and I just hate seeing her suffer like this. As much as I don't want to lose her, I feel like i've already lost her and she is now just an empty shell. While my mom has always been with me, my grandmother primarily raised me and is much more of a mother figure to me. I've just been under a tremendous amount of stress lately between work and my grandmother entering her final days paired with the fact that once my grandmother dies my mom and my sister will have no place to live and trying to find something for them, TTC has been pretty far from my mind.
    27zc85c.jpg

    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
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