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Just Need To Vent A Little Bit....ok a lot...(LONG)
Alicia&Jeff
Posts: 221
I have been trying to stay off the board this month because of the fact that our cycle was canceled and I didn't want to concentrate so much on TTC. I didn't do the best job as I had to congratulate the ladies who got their bfp's. But other then that I did ok lol. If we would have done the cycle I would be in week 1 of TWW. And I think I am still having the TWW blues. Even though we didn't "try" this month. I have really be feeling down about the upcoming cycles. I just feel like they aren't going to work and I don't know what we are going to do after that. Part of me wants to put off TTC until we come back from Disney World the end of May. So that maybe in the next couple months I can go on a diet and try to lose some weight before trying again. However with having PCOS and a thyroid problem it is extremely hard for me to lose weight in the first place. I watch a show called Obese and Pregnant which had 3 woman who were at the end of their pregnancies and it documented the struggles they had. 2 of the three had diabetes. All 3 had to have a c-section. Only 1 of the ladies actually enjoyed her pregnancy and didn't have any complications other then the c-section and that scares me. It has taken me years to come to terms with my weight. I have always sad that as long as I don't get any medical conditions (diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol.) that is was something that I wasn't going to let get me down. Well it is said that it is harder to get pg if you are overweight which I have had a hard time finding the actual reason why it is harder but I guess it is. Now my RE is totally fine with me getting pregnant just as long as I take care of myself (Which I plan to do) The thing that is so frustrating is I am not your "average" fat person. Meaning I don't eat a whole medium pizza by myself or have 6 plates at a buffet. I eat 2 pieces of pizza and have maybe 3 plates at buffet. Spaced apart food as I don't like my food touching lol. I just can't help but wonder if my weight is going to be the reason that donor sperm isn't going to work. If we had the money I would love to go to a nutritionist, get a gym membership and have a personal trainer. Unfortunately we just don't have the extra money laying around for that. I have been trying to find some workouts I could do at home but I have no clue where to even start.
Also I got an email the other day stating that now is the time to adopt because the adoption tax credit is going to be ending in 2012. While I have done a little research into adopting it wasn't something I was so eager to do as I am afraid that the moms are going to look at our picture and not want to give us a baby because of being fat. So I was afraid that we would just sit on a list for years and years. But now I am thinking about maybe at least getting the process started not just because of the adoption tax credit but because I am really starting to think this may be our only option to have a family. Did you know that some countries actually have a certain limit on you BMI number?? That shocked me. With all the unwanted children out there and the hoops you have to jump through not to mention the cost now they are going to add that you have to be a certain weight? So apparently not only do I need to be skinny to birth a baby now I have to be to adopt one as well??
Sometimes I sit and wonder what my life would be like if we never have kids. I am not very close to most of my family so it isn't like I can over compensate with their children. My biggest fear is that we are not going to have children and then say 15 years from now when I am like 40 my husband and I will no longer be together then I will have lost out on the chance to have children. (RE says I would have gotten pregnant when we first starting trying if DH had sperm.) I have gained over 100LBs in the 7 years we have been together and I didn't have PCOS back then and wasn't this big. As for DH he is in total denial. He is such a optimist that sometimes it drives me crazy so every time I try to talk to him about this stuff he just shrugs it off and tells me to be optimistic.
I am going to stop now or else this is going to be the longest post in the forums history. I actually feel a little better now.
Also I got an email the other day stating that now is the time to adopt because the adoption tax credit is going to be ending in 2012. While I have done a little research into adopting it wasn't something I was so eager to do as I am afraid that the moms are going to look at our picture and not want to give us a baby because of being fat. So I was afraid that we would just sit on a list for years and years. But now I am thinking about maybe at least getting the process started not just because of the adoption tax credit but because I am really starting to think this may be our only option to have a family. Did you know that some countries actually have a certain limit on you BMI number?? That shocked me. With all the unwanted children out there and the hoops you have to jump through not to mention the cost now they are going to add that you have to be a certain weight? So apparently not only do I need to be skinny to birth a baby now I have to be to adopt one as well??
Sometimes I sit and wonder what my life would be like if we never have kids. I am not very close to most of my family so it isn't like I can over compensate with their children. My biggest fear is that we are not going to have children and then say 15 years from now when I am like 40 my husband and I will no longer be together then I will have lost out on the chance to have children. (RE says I would have gotten pregnant when we first starting trying if DH had sperm.) I have gained over 100LBs in the 7 years we have been together and I didn't have PCOS back then and wasn't this big. As for DH he is in total denial. He is such a optimist that sometimes it drives me crazy so every time I try to talk to him about this stuff he just shrugs it off and tells me to be optimistic.
I am going to stop now or else this is going to be the longest post in the forums history. I actually feel a little better now.
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Comments
Hugs to you.
Vent all you need to - we're all here for you!
Need to update a ticker, Silas Anthony Jordon born Oct 11, 2013. 6th baby, so much love!
Just wanted to send some love your way. I'm considered overweight/obese, I have PCOS. While Clomid alone wasn't enough to counteract my inability to ovulate with the PCOS, Clomid + injectibles were. My pregnancy was completely uneventful, meaning our baby was born totally healthy. I did end up having a C-Section but this was due to baby's positioning being breech nothing that I could control.
Honestly I know this is SO so hard, but don't let ANYONE or ANYTHING deter you from what you want to do!
I wanted to mention that I totally understand what you're going through with your DH... My husband used to be that way also - he lived in complete denial "Oh it will happen one day, just wait and see!" and 9 years later, it obviously isn't going to 'just happen' and even with $1000's of dollars and millions of interventions, it *still* may not work! I was finally able to get it across to him how much his "optimism" was translating to "not really being serious about this or wanting to be involved" to me and he has realized that I need him to understand my sadness, comfort me when I'm down and reassure me when I'm feeling hopeless, without always just saying, "Don't worry; it will happen!" We *need* them to feel our pain with us!!
Take care and one last bit of advice... try not to dwell too much on the idea (from RE's, Dr's or anyone) that you *would* have gotten pregnant right away if this or if that had been different in the past. There is absolutely no way of knowing if you would have gotten pregnant in the most perfect of circumstances way back then and it only opens breeding grounds for blame and hurtful feelings towards your DH... Try to focus on today and where you want to get in this together. Let the past be the past. I've been there and it only causes unnecessary hurts to dwell on the 'what ifs'... Hoping things look up for you soon!!
I thought I would share a couple of links that I find helpful. Both are written by the same woman who is a "size acceptance" advocate. She's written A LOT about being a large woman and also about pregnancy. The bottom link is a little out of date but still has some great info.
http://wellroundedmama.blogspot.com/
http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/firstindex.html
Being fat, obese, whatever, is hard. My own line has always been that I didn't want my weight to stand in the way of doing things I want to do. I've gained 30lbs in the last 6-8 years and it definitely gets in my way. If friends invited me to go skiing, would I go? I'm not sure. I would worry about keeping up.
I almost posted something here a couple of weeks ago when my blood pressure was higher than it used to be. DP and I decided that unless it came down to where it used to be (pre-hypertension but not hypertension) that we would not inseminate this month. So I've been taking supplements, eating more fruits and veggies and getting more exercise. It's coming down and I think we're set to inseminate early next week.
But the reason I didn't post something is that I recently identified myself as an acupuncturist. My biggest emotional issue with my weight in the last year has been being in the healthcare field and being obese. I have patients every week who ask if acupuncture can help with weight loss. It's a complex answer as weight is a complex issue. It's hard in those moments not to wonder what they must be thinking about me and my weight.
Anyway, sorry for the diversion. I guess what I'm saying is that I can relate. The above links have been hugely helpful to me as I envision myself pregnant and healthy.
I would love to sugar coat things just to make you (and me) feel better about our weight BUT.....I have come to the conclusion that if this doesn't work after three cycles, I am done until I drop 75 lbs.! period, end of discussion. I do believe weight affects TTC and I know that is probably not what you wanted to hear.
HUGS to you and hang in there
you say you have pcos and thyroid issues. there are meds that can definitely help with both. my dp has hashimoto's which was diagnosed right before we ttc ds2. then our re saw that she had a mild case of pcos. for the hashimoto's she is on synthroid daily and has regular checks with her endocrinologist. this is an auto-immune condition and eventually her thyroid will stop working by itself. when ttc, our re took over her synthroid rx and she was being checked every 3 weeks to see if her tsh was in the appropriate range - for our re that is between 1 and 2. fwiw, anything over 3 now is considered sub-clinical hypothyroidism. our re also prescribed dp metformin extended release for her pcos. our re actually said she wished metformin was in the tap water because there are so many women not able to get pregnant due to pcos. they tested dp for insulin resistance (a common partner to pcos) but she did not have that. we first saw our re in january 2009. by may 2009 we were pregnant with ds2. that was our 3rd try overall but only the second with our re.
please do not give up!!! pcos and thyroid issues are easy to remedy (per our re!).
g
DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE!!! I am a OVERWEIGHT (obese), 40, and newly pregnant woman. I have been where you are right now!!
I am 5'4" and I have been overweight ever since my early 20's. It got so out of hand that in 2007 I found myself over 350 pounds. I was not having any periods and knew that I wanted to get pregnant, but I had a serious problem. Now what I found as my solution may not be for everyone. But I had the lap band surgery in November 2007. I lost 135 pounds. It is safe to go thru pregnancy with b/c I can get my DR to "tighten" or "loosen" my band. Currently it is a little looser so I can take my vitamins.
But even without having the Lap Band, you can still do this. Just because your overweight does not mean you have to have a bad diet. Read up on the GI diet,, it is a good balanced diet. One thing that really would get in my way with trying to eat right is my blood sugar would spike or go real low b/c I ate something that had a low glycemic index and they would burn thru my body to fast and leave me hungry. When I had my first BFP in October I was at 219, then I had the MC and got depressed and ate everything in sight. So, I ate myself back up to 240. And that is right where I was when I got pregnant. I haven't stepped on a scale recently, but I KNOW that in the last couple of months that I have been eating better. I also go on walks. I am not trying to lose weight I"m just eating healthy. I feel alot better. And yes, sometimes I allow myself to have that one cupcake or treat.
But put in your mind that you are already eating like someone who is pregnant, and when you think of someone else, your eating habits will greatly change.
I had all the characteristics of PCOS (tummy fat, facial hair) but I didn't have it, which was strange. I was on injectables and this last cycle I asked my RE for Metformin. That has really helped me alot, besides the fact that I got pregnant on the first cycle I was on it,, but also it helps with my sweet/carb cravings.
I hope that I have helped and please don't give up.
I have known and seen plenty of women who were in their 300's and have a baby!!!
I see a beautiful couple that loves each other and adores each other's company. I see a family. Two people who will make loving parents, and two people that so clearly want a child. That's everything you look for in a parent, you know? That's what's Important.
~ Sandy
I know its of no conciliation, but the reason other countries have adoption requirements on maximum age, pre-existing medical conditions and BMI is that they want to limit the risk of the child being orphaned by the parents passing away when they are still children.