OT - so scared right now

Goobie

I need to vent, and I can't do it to anyone who "knows" me yet...

Tim just texted me... he had a meeting with his son's caseworker today. My ex-husbands finacee has called the social worker and the cops and laid a complaint against me because according to her I "leave the kids alone with Tims son every weekend, alone, and she is concerned he is abusing them". Yes, Tims son just got out of jail, but he is super-protective of my kids, an awesome "big brother" to them, and has totally changed his life around. My kids adore him, and he adores them. I have left my kids "alone" with him ONCE - he babysat the evening of new years day, my kids, my little brother and my neice... they baked a pie. In the last month the kids (mine) were at their dads 3 of the 4 weekends, and we do things TOGETHER as a FAMILY when all the kids are together. I even got a call last week from my ex, he voiced some concerns over the fact that our son is now almost the age D was when he was raped, and he was worried that D might abuse our son that way - I talked to him for half an hour and at the end of it he said he felt uch better after talking to me, that he trusted my judgment and would not hesitate to call me if he had any questions and concerns. Back it up a little, I have a very good relationship with my ex, but I HATE his finacee - she's the one he was cheating on me with, then left me for her when I kicked him out after finding out. She is a witch with a capital B, seriously, there is no internet-friendly workds I can use to describe her. And she thinks it is outrageous that my ex plays me child support, so it has beenher goal to screw me over any chance she gets so he won't have to pay me. Now CFS is going to be involved, and even thought I know the truth, I know what a manipulating, horrible woman she is, and I am afraid. I do not want to lose my kids, or any of the time I do have with them (we parent-share, they live with me 5 days, with their dad 3), and I don't want to lose the chance to have my step son around (he is here from Saturday morning till Sunday dinnertime) because we HAVE seen such awesome positive changes in him, and it might have *something* to do with the stable loving family setting we have for him!

I feel sick... I m not allowed to call my ex, my sister, anyone until after CFS has contacted me and probably do a case study. All I can say is I am glad that Tim and I are documenters, we write EVERYTHING down, and that D's caseworker and social worker have been up to date on everything all along too. I am so scared right now...

stwrr

It'll be okay. Anyone worth their salt will see how much you care about your family, and how you're watching out for them, ALL of them.

Evil ex's girlfriend. Who here knows how to make vodoo dolls?

*hums*

~ Sandy

Autumn&Ryan

oh wow, sorry Goobie and I hope things settle down soon. you don't need this kind of stress especially right now.

BabyBugsArrival

Oh my goodness, of course you are scared! It's very frightening when something like this happens and all of a sudden you feel government tape around your family and home. I was a caseworker for CPS in Texas and can tell you that, in my experience, it sounds like everything in your case will be fine. In my state, we would issue what is called a "safety plan" and they may ask you to not leave your children unattended with Tim's son until the investigator has come in to speak with everyone. But I cannot imagine in my wildest dreams that they would remove your children or do something drastic. In some of my previous cases, it was easy to recognize when someone had an ex or spiteful third party who was trying to cause problems. I know it's so freakin scary, but try to stay calm and know that it will all get sorted out. In the end, the caseworkers get so upset that people make false accusations and take their time away from children who are actually being abused and neglected. They will likely want to close the case as soon as possible. Hugs to you, Goobie. And prayers coming your way.

KTZ

Sorry that is happening.

When they find that nothing is wrong, it is only going to make your ex-husdands fiance look bad. But what is really important is that you and your family get to move past this asap.

Sending support and prayers.
KT

rktink13

I have to agree that even though this is scary I really dont see them removing your kids unless one of them says or acts as though they have had something happen with the child thats being accused. When they come to talk to you and set up a home study just tell them the concerns towards your ex's fiance. I think that as long as everything pans out and the kids dont voice any concerns or they dont show that the are scared of the other child I wouldnt worry about it. Unfortantely even if CPS thinks that there is nothing to worry about if they are called they have to do a home study. Keep your head up and talk to your kids. Ask them how they feel about the big brother and if he has made them uncomfortable or done anything. Your a mother you will know if they are lying or if it seems as though something is up. It sounds like your ex's fiance just wants to stir up drama and thinks that if they live with them that you will be the one paying them instead of the other way around. I am thinking of you guys and hope everything turns out ok.

jenandlori

So sorry Goobie. Hugs

alp75

Hi Goobie.
I just wanted to say that child services is used to people trying to cause drama in the lives of others. They know what to look for and who to question for what. It is extremely difficult for a child to be taken from the mother. A case study is just a way for them to follow up to see that there is no danger to anyone in the home (and a way to get her off your back). I know it is easy for me to sit here and say this, but try to relax. I have a feeling everything will turn out fine. Good luck to you.

onmyown

Thinking of you and wishing you peace...Be strong and it will all be okay.

chandraandamanda

I'm so sorry! That is a terrible situation to be put in. Hopefully the whole ordeal will be over soon. Good luck with everything.

GaBeekeeper

what a tough place to be at right now. I hope it resolves real quickly.

Goobie

Thank you everyone. I was literally shaking when I typed this earlier, and now I have had a chance to calm down some. I'm still mad as all get out, but I am not as scared anymore. I am going to trust my mothers intuition on my children, and the fact that not only do neither of them show any signs of distress about being around my stepson, but they get upset if they DON'T get to see him, leads me to believe she is just trying to cause crap for us. Problem is, it will. I run a daycare out of my home, and having a case study done on me and my kids *might* cause me to lose my business licence. Of course, if it does, i will make LESS money then I do now, and my ex will have to pay me MORE child support.

The thing is... I have grown a LOT in the last 3 years since my ex and I split. I have matured, I have learned things, and I have become a much smarter, stronger person. He does not see this, not only because he does not want to, but I don't really let him see this side of me... and I REALLY do not let his fiancee see this side of me! So she in particular thinks that because she is older then I, and runs a "preschool" where I *only* have a "daycare" she is so much above me. But shes walking into something nasty that she cannot even begin to see the ramifications for. The caseworker she called KNOWS my stepson... she doesn't like him, but she knows how he has been. AND even if it is her that starts the case study, I will be requesting the senior social worker to take over,t he one we do not have a formal complaint against already. She is the one that tipped Tim off already, though she was not supposed to, because she knew D before he went to jail, and now, and KNOWS he is not capable of the things that are being accused.

Also, we have already done some research. We are not going to confront my ex with the knowledge we have... we are going to secure a lawyer and slap them with a civil suit. By calling, identifying herself as "a family member" and making a formal complaint to the police with nothing to back it up, it can be seen as a false claim. To the best of our knowledge (and I will ask) my children have not been asked anything about their stepbrother in their dads house. She is purposely trying to raise hell in my life, and that is my stepson, and claiming she thinks he might be sexually abusing my children is slander. Yep, we checked, under Canadian Law, false claims made on the basis of no solid evidence, for the purpose of causing greif in someones life can be a fineable offence, and depending on the accusations and original steps taken there is a 2-5 year sentance for it! Not saying we will try to press for this, but is that not karma that she is trying to use my rehabilitated stepson's past jail time as a way to pull one over on me, and we could (legally) threaten to take her to court for something that could result in... you got it... jail time! If nothing else, we'll see when the tables turn how things go, she thinks this will get the kids away from me and into their home so that my ex does not have to pay me child support, and yet if it does go to court, he may still be paying me, and SHE might have to pay Tim out for slandering his minor child!

So, lots of research, lots of thinking... I am also going to lodge a complaint against the caseworker who is supposed to be contacting me... the official phone call to the police happened early last week, and she has yet to contact me... if there is a real risk to my children WHY WAIT to start the case study? WHY WAIT when they KNOW we have my stepson EVERY WEEKEND? If it was really that important, it should have been dealt with (and yes, this is just me being petty, the caseworker has it out for D since he refused to go from his original worker to her).

On a positive note... my lawyer and I have been in contact the last three years, and he has helped me with information via email free of charge in the past. I will be contacting him soon. He was also my stepsons lawyer when he was in trouble last year, so he knows both sides of our family. Oh, and my ex husbands lawyer?? Yeah, he retired, so they'll just have to find someone else!! I may be a b itch, but karma is a bigger one then I will ever need to be!

So again, thank you everyone... I appriciate each and every one of your responces, and though I am calmer now, this will be a long road for us and I am sure I will be back here to vent, since we can't let anything on to anyone we know IRL (small town). HUGS to all!

chandraandamanda

way to re-direct that negative energy! Go get 'um Goobie!

Goobie

chandraandamanda - I beg a favour of you... will you sign your posts so I know which one of you is saying what?! To me it feels so impersonal to just use your screen name all the time, and yet I don't want to name the wrong lovely lady!

BTW - I adore you, thank you for being my personal cheering squad! Hope you don't mind I have been totally creeping your blog...

Flowergirl

Sorry you're having to deal with all this drama!! All the extra digging around in your life because of someone else's immature drama is the worst part, but the truth will prevail!!! Stay strong and fight like a girl!! )

chandraandamanda

Ok, we'll try to remember to sign the posts. I think I do most of the posting these days. And, creep on...it's nice to know someone's actually reading our blog. That might encourage us to do it more.
Amanda