Jealousy *rant*

nervouswreck

I am so embarassed about how I feel. I feel like a over grown toddler when I think of my jealousy that I am back on this side. At first I was dealing with my jealousy.. But now I swear I am getting aggravated that once again I am here and people come ,try three or four times and insist that they must have something terribly wrong with them or it'll never happen for them and go to the beyond board the next month. (this isn't directed at ANYONE and I am not trying to start something either its just my feelings. (((probly Clomid induced )))
It also doesn't help that my Mother felt that it was inappropriate that we named our miscarried baby and she disaproved of our name choice. I want to ask her WTF she thinks she is to insult our name choice for OUR child.

TheOtherLovingMoms

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know for a fact that you are not the only one who gets jealous when someone who has been here way shorter time than them gets a BFP. It is hard to see them all sometimes but then again it is really nice seeing them too because we know another couple/person is having their dream come true. I am so happy for all of the women here who have gotten their BFP but can't help wonder when is it going to be our turn, when is Bree going to get her BFP. I know I have children, and to Bree they are her children as well, but is it to much to ask for for her to be able to have her own biological child?
I think your mother is way out of line for thinking the way she did and then complaining about your name choice!!! I lost a baby 1 year and 3 days after having my twins. My parents made sure there was a graveside service for her and everything. I named that baby after my mother and she couldnt have been more thrilled. I am sorry your mother is not as understanding as mine.
*******hugs********

lunchbox_12

I am right there with you. Going through a loss, trying a year, having to do drugs, surgery and still waiting for months and months. I know this is stress full for everyone, but until you have walked over a year in Infertility’s shoes you really can’t know how bad it stings!
Our day WILL come!

coryandamanda

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Although I am greatful that we have had success with our TTC we actually feel guilty when we post our BFPs. I wish it could be easy for everyone. I hope everyone gets the BFP they are dreaming of very soon.

Sassy2u

I am also sorry for your loss as well as for your mother's lack of empathy.

Praying.For.A.Miracle

Sending hugs your way - I think that if we're being honest we've all dealt with jealousy at one time or another, some ladies have been waiting so very long to hold a baby in their arms that it's only natural.

I am so very sorry that at such a difficult time you didn't have the support of your Mother, in particular when dealing with the name that you gave your child - her grand child.

First Hope

I think your feelings are normal. It is very had. I have never carried a child and not out of not wanting or trying and I am 35 so I do get it. Like CoryandAmanda I felt really guilty the month we got our BFP because my DP was one of those that were really lucky.
I hope that you can keep faith in trying and not give up. I am going to try this month, and my chances of getting pregnant are really slim for a variety of reasons.
If you ever want to talk I will listen. I am the Mom of three boys, two adopted at age 4 and 7 and Xander which DP carried. I still feel the pain (even having children) that I have never been able to get pregnant.

I wish you peace and a happy heart. All your emotions are so normal, it is a hard time in a womans life. I get you on the clomid maybe being part of it. I am on day 5 of 5 and thought I was going to kill someone this week. Darn hormones.

LovingMoms

First of all you are perfectly normal. We all get into our jealously moods and why can't it be me.

Most important I'm sorry that your mom is not supporting you and the loss you had. That was her grandchild and she should be there to support you through thick and thin. You get a great big hug from me and I hope that you can heal soon!

WEhope

I feel what you're saying (and if you're at all like me, then I get frustrated with myself for being frustrated, and end up feeling even worse!).
I'm so, so sorry that your mother couldn't be there for you and her grandchild in a way that would have been meaningful and helpful to you. Hopefully, in time, she'll be able to see how important it is for her to support you in this time.

Jais

I want to first say that I am sorry for your loss. My mother had a miscarriage, I was 13 at the time and she named her Liliith. I still think of her. There was something wrong with her and I am thankful that she wasn't allowed to suffer. Whatever you named your little one...that is giving that little life something (you loved them) and you will always think of him/her and it is okay. I am almost 35 and still think of my sister.
Take care and don't back off from your feelings. We are human and it is natural to feel that way. Will be thinking of you this night.

Goobie

Big Hugs

Autumn&Ryan

I am already feeling jealous, frustrated that I couldn't try the first month (we have been plannig for Feb. for SEVEN months) and very nervous that this won't work for us since I don't ovulate every month. I think you are entitled to feel some heartache with your recent loss.
***HUGS***

Flowergirl

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way but don't feel bad or embarrassed because of it... it's perfectly normal and perfectly acceptable for you to feel this way - as long as it doesn't control your life!

I feel left out, sad, disappointed... you name it, I've felt it and I'm not going to apologize to anyone for having those feelings from time to time. Unless they've lived my life and waited, prayed, cried, spent thousands of dollars on fertility things and are still waiting with empty arms, (for me, almost nine years later) they have absolutely no idea what I'm going through on a daily basis.

I'll be honest, it even bothers me sometimes when I open a post that is about someone having a miscarriage, etc. and there is post after post with pregnancy tickers staring back at me. I know it's amazing that they are all taking the time to post and be so supportive and I know they aren't intentionally adding insult to injury but on a bad day, it just seems like they are, even though I know they're not! Make sense?

As everyone else has said, we understand - some of us more than others maybe because of our similar situations but I'm sure we all 'understand' why you are feeling the way you are and 'don't judge' you, no matter where we are in the TTC journey. Stay strong and hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day! (((HUGS)))

muripherous

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.
The TTC thing is stressful, frustrating, and a million other things.

I realize that I am lucky to have not had to go through very much of it. In truth, when I found out that I was pregnant, I waited to post here. Partly, because I didn't believe that it was true. But, also, because I felt guilty. I'd only been at this for three months. I'm exceedingly lucky and ridiculously blessed---I think about that several times every single day. And, I promise not to forget it.

But, I still think about how hard (and for so long) that so many woman here have tried. To me, this feels similar to "survivor's guilt." It's a really weird thing, honestly. I'm so grateful for where I am right now. But I think a lot about the women who have tried for so long and still haven't arrived at pregnancy.

That said, please know that you are in my thoughts---and, I'd imagine, the thoughts of everyone who is a member of these boards. What you're feeling is normal and understandable. We're all wishing and hoping and praying for you.
Feel free to vent anytime.

chandraandamanda

Please don't be embarrassed about feeling jealous of the quick BFPs you see on here. The TTC process is so frustrating!
I'm sorry your mom reacted the way she did. I can only imagine what a hard time that must have been. I'm so sorry about the baby you lost. I hope you're feeling better soon.

Flowergirl

I just wanted to add... To all of you who 'truly' feel that sting of guilt about your BFP's, whether quick in coming or long awaited, all of us who are still waiting very much appreciate your selflessness in thinking of us, but I believe I speak for all of us when I say, we really truly are happy for you and don't want our sadness to dampen your happiness!! You don't ever have to feel guilty - we're all here for the same reason and we love to see others getting that coveted BFP - it's proof to us that there are still BFP's out there to be had! ;-) so hopefully we will all get one, some maybe just later than sooner!!

The support here is amazing... what a great forum!