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Off Topic Vent Advice Wanted

rktink13rktink13 Posts: 83
edited November -1 in Trying to Conceive
I found out yesterday that my real mom has Leukemia. I want to feel for her but am at a point where I dont know how to feel bad for her anymore. Long story short : My mom decided that drugs were so much more important than I was and was taken away from her after her boyfriend raped and beat me at the age of 6 and the found me running outside with only my underwear on. I remember countless times of taking care of her when she was so drugged up that I was pulling needles out of her arm and watching her bleed all over the place. Anyways, she came back for the second time around a year ago and wants to know me and my kids and rhonda. I tried to talk to her but really had no desire to but since she was "dying" so hse put it(liver was shutting down but couldnt get on transplant list because of her continued drug use 3 months prior to the diagnoses). Now she has leukemia and had the nerve to tell me last niht that I have no heart because I wouldnt bring my kids up to see her. I told her it wasnt fair that she was making me feel guilty for something she did along time ago. My step grandparents want me to stay as far away from her as possible which I have done and have continued to do. Now I dont know what to do. Do I even beleive that she is sick. Do I see her and give her my final peice or do I just let her do her thing and I do mine. Am I going to feel guilty when she dies that I didnt go see her? I am so emotionally torn right now and dont know how to handle the situation. I dont know how to make myself forget what she did to me and I am already wondering "how will I really feel when she is gone"? But I also have this desire to protect my kids from anything bad and in my heart I see her as a bad person!! Someone that I really dont want my kids to know. sorry this is alot of informaiton and I guess part of me feels like I can say something here because no one really judges and another part of me feels like saying this to people I dont know isnt the smartest thing either. I have talked to Rhona and she wants me to see her but I just dont know if I can. Thanks and so sorry to unload like this!
My Beautiful Babies, I Love Kisses from The Monster! He Doesnt Hand Those Out Much!

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    JaisJais Posts: 384
    edited November -1
    First let me say how awful it is to hear what she has done to you and I think it is horrible to make you feel guilty for not wanting to give her anymore room to hurt you or your children.

    If you see her, see her alone first don't take the kids. That way you can see what the situation really is. Don't put your children in harms way just to suit her. If she is really having regrets she will apologize and if not she won't. Decide from there if you want your children to see her. She should own up to her mistakes. You have done the right thing so stick by that.

    I really feel for you and hope that you find peace for yourself and don't allow her to ruin anything for you. Don't let her do this to you. Keep her where she belongs, on the periphery of your life and heart.

    Take good care and do what feel right to you, in your heart!!!!
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    sugarprincesssugarprincess Posts: 629
    edited November -1
    I agree with leaving your babies out of the picture for now. What a terrible thing that happened to you, i commend you for moving on in life. I do know what it is like to have family hurt you, not in the same way as you though. My grandfather shot my grandma in the head when i was 16. He just got out of prison this year and it took me almost 10 years to forgive him. My mom is a huge inspiration to me, she takes care of all his affairs and he even comes to her house and we all have dinners. This is by no means something that came easy, only by Gods grace was i able to move on. My pastor at church once said unforgiveness is a poison wr drinking hoping it will kill the other person. When i heard that it really hit hime and i realized i would never have peace until i got on with that portion of my life. There are still days when it makes me sad and days when he is around that i wonder how crazy my family is to have accepted him back. He is so old now that i dint see any point in harboring hate for him anymore. Sorry if i rambled.
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    mommylovemommylove Posts: 1,582
    edited November -1
    I would see her yourself but leave the kids at home. IF it's true that she is indeed on death's door, they don't need to connect with someone that they don't really know just to lose that person shortly thereafter.
    But perhaps seeing her would bring some closure for you, and her.

    That's my thought, but I can't truly relate as I haven't walked in your shoes so I'm only offering my opinion.
    Best of luck! At least you know you've left your own children a much more positive legacy...
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    October 2014

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    KTZKTZ Posts: 1,240
    edited November -1
    I agree that it is best not to expose the children to this situation.

    Whatever you decide for yourself, do it with self compassion. I hope that this painful situation can aid in putting more closure on the trauma that you suffered.

    best wishes to you
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    JCAlaskaJCAlaska Posts: 251
    edited November -1
    I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I have a lot of crazy family issues too. I respect you for moving on and not wanting to jump right back in. I agree with pp to not bring your kids even if she pressures you. You have to put YOUR family first, not her feelings. She gave that right up a long time ago. And you have every right to not trust her. You may also decide that it could be healthy for you to visit her and work through some of this stuff with her before it's too late. But you can also do that by writing letters, talking on the phone etc. If you go visit I would not stay with her if I were you... have a car and a hotel so you have complete control over when you visit her or when you leave and you aren't stuck feeling powerless again. Good luck with whatever you decide and you should be proud of how far you've come in life!
    J & J in Alaska - 4th TTC created our little one. Miscarried at 10 wks 4 days on 12/1/10. Tried many more times then took a break for a couple of years to get healthy. We're BACK!! :)
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    nervouswrecknervouswreck Posts: 379
    edited November -1
    You don't owe her ****! If she was truelly sorry she wouldn't be trying to manipulate you right now.I agree with your grandparents.If you feel you must have contact then try to do it with written corrospondance or phone.But whatever you do find closure and peace on your terms even if it means that she goes into her grave unforgiven.

    I am sorry that this has happened to you. I am sorry if what I said has come off harsh, but I have had a similar expirience. It is your right to not have to go through all those issues again during the happiest days of your life, and its your responsibilty to protect your children from a potential threat even if they are kin.
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