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Off Topic Vent Advice Wanted
rktink13
Posts: 83
I found out yesterday that my real mom has Leukemia. I want to feel for her but am at a point where I dont know how to feel bad for her anymore. Long story short : My mom decided that drugs were so much more important than I was and was taken away from her after her boyfriend raped and beat me at the age of 6 and the found me running outside with only my underwear on. I remember countless times of taking care of her when she was so drugged up that I was pulling needles out of her arm and watching her bleed all over the place. Anyways, she came back for the second time around a year ago and wants to know me and my kids and rhonda. I tried to talk to her but really had no desire to but since she was "dying" so hse put it(liver was shutting down but couldnt get on transplant list because of her continued drug use 3 months prior to the diagnoses). Now she has leukemia and had the nerve to tell me last niht that I have no heart because I wouldnt bring my kids up to see her. I told her it wasnt fair that she was making me feel guilty for something she did along time ago. My step grandparents want me to stay as far away from her as possible which I have done and have continued to do. Now I dont know what to do. Do I even beleive that she is sick. Do I see her and give her my final peice or do I just let her do her thing and I do mine. Am I going to feel guilty when she dies that I didnt go see her? I am so emotionally torn right now and dont know how to handle the situation. I dont know how to make myself forget what she did to me and I am already wondering "how will I really feel when she is gone"? But I also have this desire to protect my kids from anything bad and in my heart I see her as a bad person!! Someone that I really dont want my kids to know. sorry this is alot of informaiton and I guess part of me feels like I can say something here because no one really judges and another part of me feels like saying this to people I dont know isnt the smartest thing either. I have talked to Rhona and she wants me to see her but I just dont know if I can. Thanks and so sorry to unload like this!
My Beautiful Babies, I Love Kisses from The Monster! He Doesnt Hand Those Out Much!
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If you see her, see her alone first don't take the kids. That way you can see what the situation really is. Don't put your children in harms way just to suit her. If she is really having regrets she will apologize and if not she won't. Decide from there if you want your children to see her. She should own up to her mistakes. You have done the right thing so stick by that.
I really feel for you and hope that you find peace for yourself and don't allow her to ruin anything for you. Don't let her do this to you. Keep her where she belongs, on the periphery of your life and heart.
Take good care and do what feel right to you, in your heart!!!!
But perhaps seeing her would bring some closure for you, and her.
That's my thought, but I can't truly relate as I haven't walked in your shoes so I'm only offering my opinion.
Best of luck! At least you know you've left your own children a much more positive legacy...
October 2014
Whatever you decide for yourself, do it with self compassion. I hope that this painful situation can aid in putting more closure on the trauma that you suffered.
best wishes to you
I am sorry that this has happened to you. I am sorry if what I said has come off harsh, but I have had a similar expirience. It is your right to not have to go through all those issues again during the happiest days of your life, and its your responsibilty to protect your children from a potential threat even if they are kin.