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OT - strange but true

Jccwill3Jccwill3 Posts: 687
edited March 2012 in Trying to Conceive
So, I was talking to one of my friends who is a nurse and telling her all about my exciting plans for TTC.

She tells me this story, apparently A friend of hers marrid this older women who already menopausal and had grown kids of her own...like 30-35 hrs old kids. He must be in his forties, the husband. Anyway, when they original got married I guess she would say anything to get him to put a ring on it. He wanted kids desperately and she was done.

After a while, he comes to find out she does want ANY more kids...like nilch, adoption, nothing. Which is fine as a personal choice but not okay to dangle a carrot in front of a horse of a man who loves and wants babies. Should there be just like a mini sacrifice or compromise? Something! But as time goes on...she's warming up to the baby even tho the surrogate has

50/50 custody with the dad.

So she tells him: " you go have the baby on your own. Get a surrogate or adopt do whatever you feel you need to do ... But it won't be my baby. :o "

And guess what... He did it. He got a surrogate....and his swimmers and made his own baby. His wife isn't even listed on the birth certificate or ther for the birth and he is a full time dad. Like 24/7 with a wife a noooo help. Unfair. Diapers, potty training the whole nine yards. The wife doesn't consider it her own but rather her husbands child. She doesn't really even interact with the kid for the most part. But is still married. Color me confused.

Is this strange or just me? And kudos to those strong Men who are SAHD, single and still have
a maternal instinct. You guys are awesome. Any one ever heard something so....out of the everyday? Twilight zone moment.
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    im2tsim2ts Posts: 76
    edited November -1
    If the surrogate has joint custody it isn't considered surrogacy it is considered coparenting.
    38.gif2sgn096spell.gif
    Gabrielle hopeful mommy someday!!!! RIP Donor Embryos
    Going to Prague Czeck Republic for egg donor and sperm donor cycle in Oct.
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    1baby1day1baby1day Posts: 520
    edited November -1
    I can't believe he's still married to her! It's terrible that she has no interaction with the child, what is that poor baby going to think when he/she gets older?
    pic1a-1.jpg
    My baby, Stella ~ My nephew Alex and I (Denise) at Thanksgiving 2010
    10 TTC's over 15 months - all BFN
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    JayJayJayJay Posts: 1,192
    edited November -1
    1baby, that is exactly what I was thinking. How confusing for that child to live with a woman your whole life who doesn't want anything to do with you! I had a step mom growing up who was not good to me, and clearly didn't want me around the 2 out of 14 days I was there. But she was clearly a step mom, so I remembered life without her, and I didn't have to live with her. Major kudos to dad....we all know what it is to.desperately want a baby and do anything to make that happen....but I do think it would be better for the kid if he was strictly a single dad.
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    old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682 ✭
    edited November -1
    My brother is in a similar situation. He married a woman in her late 30s with two teen kids. My brother is in his 40s and after a long engagement--so her kids could adjust--they married and my brother has gone out of his way to be a good step dad to her kids. His wife had had her tubes tied but they had agreed to look into the possibility of somehow being able to conceive in a couple years. Now she has changed her mind. I didn't know any of this but when I missed their wedding because of a miscarriage and later told them the truth of why I wasn't there she went nuts...horror stories of older women who have died giving birth and was quite vicious. I have not and will not ever say one word to either of them about their situation but feel she really let him down after what they had agreed to do!
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    JayJayJayJay Posts: 1,192
    edited November -1
    That is so sad. :( Older women have babies every day and they are just fine! And my goodness.....my sister has lost 6 babies while she was 19 - 23. It can happen to anyone. Your poor brother.....that's a tough spot to be in. No one should have to sacrifice having kids if that is what their heart wants. :(
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    Jccwill3Jccwill3 Posts: 687
    edited November -1
    old mama wrote:
    My brother is in a similar situation. He married a woman in her late 30s with two teen kids. My brother is in his 40s and after a long engagement--so her kids could adjust--they married and my brother has gone out of his way to be a good step dad to her kids. His wife had had her tubes tied but they had agreed to look into the possibility of somehow being able to conceive in a couple years. Now she has changed her mind. I didn't know any of this but when I missed their wedding because of a miscarriage and later told them the truth of why I wasn't there she went nuts...horror stories of older women who have died giving birth and was quite vicious. I have not and will not ever say one word to either of them about their situation but feel she really let him down after what they had agreed to do!

    What an evil spirited person! Goodness, some people just have no hearts ...or tact.

    That's so unfortune for your brother but there are alternatives I guess. But I can't believe he's still married to her especially after she treated you so harshly during such a traumatic time. And I'm so very sorry for that loss.

    I agree with JayJay, older women have successful pregnancies and healthy happy babies. How dare she bring age into it. I might have needed bail money at that point....lol just kidding.

    But1baby is right...even though there are so many types of family... It's so important to feel loved and wanted especially for the kiddies.
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