Suggestions for enforcing a rule without being rude to neighbor

roses25

We got new neighbors next door, and Aiden has already made friends with them. He enjoys going up and holding a conversation with them. However, the lady smokes and seems to smoke quite a bit outside the house. I talked to Aiden and reminded him about how we've talked about how smokiing is bad for you and I told him that he can not go up to her house (on the front porch) if she is smoking. He said, Alright, Mommy." However, I can see it's going to take some training for him to learn this expectation of mine because he's such a social bug.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can help Aiden learn this expectation without seeming rude to the neighbor....(Ex. everytime she's smoking I ask Aiden to come back)? Today, I called him over to head to the park. Maybe it's not rude to the neighbor to do this because it's a rule that I expect him to follow?

Carolyn

Zen

There are a number of people who smoke outside their homes to keep down the smell inside. Most show courtesy in not lighting up around children, but if she's on her own porch and Aiden comes up, she's in the clear. So if you don't want him breathing in the second hand smoke, it's up to you to keep him off her porch. He's too young to understand what smoking is and is not going to remember to check her hands for cigarettes before running up.

If you're concerned about the neighbor's perception, talk to her directly and enlist her help. Tell her you respect her right to smoke but you don't want your child around it. Maybe set it up so he can't go on her porch unless she invites him. Show Aiden where he needs to stop, and let the neighbor know she's free to call to Aiden to come up if she's not smoking. If she is though, then he is not to pass your stopping point.

This same idea of rules & boundaries works for stopping kids from approaching unfamiliar dogs and from running into the street. It could work to stop Aiden from running up to smoking neighbors too!

old mama

I wouldn't expect the neighbor to put out her cigarette when your son comes into her yard. It is hard for a little one to evaluate when and when he can or can not say HI to a neighbor. I hate cigarette smoke too but if he is outside I can't imagine he is being exposed to much the few times he says HI to a smoking neighbor. It's nice that he is a social little boy and it's always good to have a friendly relationship with the neighbors...I wouldn't worry too much about it.

babybaby

i was basically thinking along the same lines as zen as far as the rudeness or politeness to the neighbor goes. it shouldn't be news to her that some people (MOST people) don't want their kids around cigarette smoke. so i say just politely explain to her your rule for aiden and explain that if she is smoking with him present, you will remove him from the scene.