Need advice from moms who take anti-anxiety meds

Kari

I'm not sure whether or not I should be on meds, so I'm looking for some advice. Feel free to private message me if you prefer.

Before kids, I was about the most even-keeled person you'd meet. I'd raise my voice once in a great while (maybe a few times a year with an unruly class to get them in order) but never had any real highs or lows. Nowadays I see a different personality in response to my kids' needs. When Justin is on his fifth tantrum in a row, I either respond by trying to tune him out or by yelling at him, slamming doors so hard the clock fell off the wall and broke, taking whatever is "bothering" Justin and causing his tantrum (like a toy) and throwing it hard enough to break it, or spanking. All of these except the tuning out seem to be knee-jerk responses and not thought-out responses. It's almost like I've slammed the door or thrown his toy or spanked before I even think about doing it. I can only imagine what kind of lesson I'm teaching my kids. Oh, and I've started swearing at the kids lately, too. I never did that before.

I did a meet & greet with a new nurse practitioner on Monday and she asked about my anxiety levels. I jokingly said, "Well, it sure isn't what it was before two kids!" She didn't press for more information and I didn't offer any. Since then, though, I got to wondering if this is normal. At the same time, though, I'm nervous about going on any medication that might alter my responses in a more negative way. Do anti-anxiety meds take the edge off so I don't yell or swear around the kids, or is there any chance I would still respond the same way but not care as much about what I'm doing around the kids? Juliet has moved into my bed this past week, so I'm concerned about any way they may make me less aware that she's in bed with me. Any advice would be appreciated!

K&H

It sounds like sleep deprivation to me. If you're uncomfortable it's definitely worth talking to someone about.
Wellbutrin is a nice one that doesn't have much in the way of side effects. Also, trying to get exercise outside in the sun every day has been shown to be just as effective as medication.

Shanny

Wow, can I relate! When it is just Kate and I (she's really a pretty easy kid when it is just us!), I am much more able to deal, take a second before responding and USUALLY not lose my mind! Usually, not always. When I'm at work with all 3 girls for 10+ hours, K and A fighting non stop, L starting tantrums and climbing everything, and my boss emailing me about stuff that needs to be done, I over react way more than I care to admit. For me, I noticed it got much, much worse after I stopped nursing so I knew a good deal of it was hormonal. I've been trying out different bc options for the last 6 months or so. It was either that or I was literally going to order valuum over the internet. The hormones of the birth control are making a big difference. I know you'd have less options because you are still nursing but it may be something worth looking in to. I have also contacted an "expert" in balancing hormones, I just haven't had time to look in to this further. I also try and just see what it is that I am doing. If Kate is frustrated with something and starts to lose it without real cause...where do I think she is getting this from? Her over reaction of course can trigger my over reaction so it is a big vicious cycle. But I'm the adult here and I'm setting the example so I really have been trying to control my emotions, apologize and talk about when I react badly and head off any situation before it escalates. Also, I know that when I get a text or email from my boss when I'm not at work I am likely to yell at her - stop talking, stop asking questions, give me a minute - so I've got to work on getting her set up with something to distract her before I even open the text or email. Then I can deal with it and not snap at her. This is all a work in progress. Honestly, with Justin turning 3 and Juliet about to start moving (aka - taking his things and pissing him off) you are in for a year that will likely be even tougher than right now. I don't mean to make you even more anxious, I just mean it is good you are looking in to this now. I know you asked about anxiety meds and not hormones but you might want to investigate that as a possible cause/solution. Please ask me any questions if I've not explained things well.

mel

I find that they help me to stay more patient and calm, and I'm better able to access the tools that allow me to be the parent I want to be.

I recently read an article that mentioned how our reactions are all about us and not what the kids are doing, and that it can be helpful to figure out exactly what we're feeling behind the anger or frustration. That has helped me a bit. It's also been helpful for me to stop things before I'm at the breaking point - for example, I used to let them crawl on me until I completely lost it, but after a while, I became better able to identify earlier that I was getting frustrated and change things so they didn't get a bad reaction from me.

And as Shanny said, I am the adult. It's my responsibility to model control of emotions so that they can learn to control their own.

I have more thoughts on this but I'm rushing out the door. Just wanted to quickly say I TOTALLY get it and that sometimes, meds can help you bridge the gap and allow you to figure out other things that will work for you.

Klt86

This sounds just like how I grew up. My mom is an amazing women. She loves me more anything and sacrificed so much to make me happy. I know you feel the same way about your kids. Her down fall was her temper. She let me get away with a lot and to needle her until she snapped. She would yell. A lot. Slam things. Swear. Drive fast in the car when I'd do something to piss her off while she was driving. It definitely effected me in a very negative way. I would throw temper tantrums as a child and didn't get why it wasn't ok since she did it. It made me question, to this day, if I'm doing things the right way. As a teen I started behaving the exact same way, even in school. I got in fist fights when I first started hitting the bar scene. My mom and I are still extremely close and spend way too much time together and up until a few years ago we would still get into the heated arguments where she acted that why. I finally talked to her about it when Mika was born because I do not want her seeing that. Things are so much more pleasent now. I guess I'm rambling but my point is I think it's very strong of you to recognize its a problem and to seek help. I have been on many different anti anxiety/anti depressants. The big negative to them for me was they made me gain a lot of weight. Wellbutrin was one that isn't supposed to do that but it made me super hungry. If you forget to take them for a couple days they definitely mess with your head and make you do things you normally wouldn't. The one I was on the longest was celexa. They have a newer version with less side effects that's called lexapro which is supposed to have less side effects. I would honestly try maybe try to find some coping techniques before getting on medicine. I would only use it as a last resort. They all made me so even keeled I had a hard time enjoying anything. I was just blah about life in general. I do agree that it may be a hormonal thing because when I was pregnant I was so much happier (and I was off my meds) than I had been in years. Shortly after she was born that changed and I tried a different med but stopped taking it once I felt I was better able to cope. This post is probably all jumbled lol but if you have any questions about specific meds or anything feel free to ask me.

roses25

Hi Kari,

I know you are looking for med info. I don't have info on that other than it was a really rough road for my mom trying to figure out her correct meds when I was a child. I would suggest looking at more natural things such as what Shanny suggest hormone imbalances, vitamin deficincies, etc. I'd suggest checking out this site on natural treatments: http://www.latitudes.org/ You might even want to give the director a call and feel free to tell her that I gave you the suggestion of contacting her. She'll know who I am as we talk often.

I feel for you as Aiden has really been pushing my buttons lately. Yesterday, he told me I was in a bad mood. He was right, but I was in a bad mood because he was being very defiant. He did the opposite of everything I told him to do or not to do. In fact I was so frustrated with the way he acted yesterday that last night after bedtime I ordered some positive parenting books on Amazon. I ordered the kindle version of Positive Discipline for Preschool Children and read it until 2 AM! The one thing that it really suggests is giving them choices such as do you want to put your shirt or pants on first...etc.

I'm really bad at just doing things for Aiden and not letting him help. So I'm working on that because find that if I let him help things go much better. Does Justin like to help you with things? For example this morning Aiden wanted a fried egg and he wanted it right then. I knew it would take a bit to fix, so I asked him if he wanted to help unload the dishwasher. Sure enough, he did. So I gave him the silverware and told him to match them up to put them away. He has a blast, did a great job, and was well behaved. All while I was able to unload the whole dishwasher, load it back up, and have the egg ready by the time he finished. Now if I didn't have him help with something like that he probably would have been climbing my counters, getting himself another snack, and winning for the egg right now...etc. Today has been a much better day just by letting him have choices and having him help me. I haven't lost my patience yet either.

I've got to admit that I'm ready to go back to work. I've loved being at home with Aiden, but it's time for me to get that break during the day. It must be great to be a stay at home, but man do they work hard. I don't know how they do it 24/7 for 365 days a year. I would think it would be very stressfull at times. So those of you that stay at home with your kids deserve a pat on the back. I think you work so much harder than I do while I'm at work and my work can be challenging with kids that have special needs. It takes a lot of hard work and patience to be at home with your kid/kids 24/7.

Carolyn

Ms.Kate

I'm not speaking as a parent (yet) but as someone who had taken anti-anxiety and an antidepressant for years. I was VERY resistant to taking them at first for a variety of reasons, but in retrospect, I'm so glad I did. I stopped taking them several years ago because I didn't feel I needed them anymore, but for a long time I really did. To answer your question, I believe that the right medication for you will help you cope better and yes, take the edge off. I don't think medication is a magical solution to any problem, nor should it be a crutch, but it can absolutely help you cope and think more clearly.
It may take a couple medications to find one that works best for you. And that's where a Dr. can help you. For me, it was 40-60 mg of Prozac. I also used to have panic attacks and when I would I took Atavan. Prozac didn't have any weird side effects for me, it just helped me not be so anxious and worry all the time. Atavan is a definite sedative, though, and made me zone out. I only took that when I would really panic tho.
If you're breastfeeding, that may alter what you should/ should not take. I would suggest talk to your Dr. now. Don't feel ashamed about it. Maybe you'll decide medication isn't for you, but maybe it can really help you. If you just don't like it, you can stop taking it. It's going to be okay, and no matter what, you're a great mom!

Shanny

Just wanted to give a little update. The last few weeks have really confirmed a few things for me - this IS all hormonal for me, my job (all 3 kids) is the second biggest factor and I hadn't realized how much the hormones I was taking were helping. I was on the nuva ring for a few months, then I switched to a pill for 3 months because it has more hormones than the ring and while I felt the ring helped I didn't feel it was helping enough. So I took seasonal which is the one you take for 3 months without getting a period (that alone is very helpful!). With about a week to go before the placebo pills I realized that I was going to get my period right when I had my annual appt and then vacation scheduled for so I stopped taking them about a week early to get my period sooner and went back to the ring about a week later. 2 BIG mistakes. Since I was on vacation I didn't realize just how bad it was. But the last 3 days I have been on the verge of exploding most of the day. I am debating taking the ring out and getting the pill ASAP but I just paid $84 for the ring and I know my insurance won't cover the pill right away so I am not sure what to do. It is going to be a long month.

Anyway, just wanted to throw it out there again that there may be other options besides anti-anxiety/depression meds. I hope you've talked to someone and made a plan