Table Manners

TxMoms2B

C is almost 20 months now and is such a joy...most of the time! I swear he's in a hurry to get to the terrible 2's. He has some bad little habbits, but the most annoying are his table manners.

It seems as he gets more control of utensils and cups, his tabble manners get worse! He can control forks and spoons well, but he'll routinely throw them then ask for them back. He almost always dumps his food/cup at some point during the meal....mostly on himself and the floor. Usually the dumping comes towards the end of a meal, but tonight it was the first thing he did. Tonight's meal was something he enjoys to eat, so I know that it's not because he doesn't like it. We're not showing him this behavior, and once we see him act out, we remove him/the food. We make a big deal about using his utensils and being a big boy. Tonight he used his spoon to scoop a bite of pasta, ate it, then turned his plate upside down and shook it onto the floor. He then threw his spoon and cup. However, he was very upset when we tried to take the mess away.

So, how do I instill good table manners, without taking away his independence of using his own utensils? I'm tired of baths and mopping after every meal!

K&H

What method of discipline do you use at other times throughout the day?

Shanny

I feel your pain. Kids are all different but he sounds a lot like L (17 months) in the meal behavior department. I basically lowered my expectations for now...literally. She rarely gets silverware or a plate anymore. I tried, I really did. With A and K it was a different ball game but L is a thrower and while she is a very healthy and good eater she just doesn't have the maturity in some areas like the other 2 did at the same age. I also simply cannot bathe her after every meal with our schedule these days. I will put a little bit of everything in front of her and test the waters. She will sign if she wants more or is all done on a good day. The bad days she just screams. I can usually tell by her overall mood (and mine) how much time I have and how patient I am feeling if we want to try proper tableware, silverware and even an open top cup (with like 3 drops of liquid!). The days she is willing and I've got the time we really make a big deal of it and gush about her using the fork, eating like a big girl etc. The days that don't go so great, I remove the food and call the dog

TxMoms2B

Time outs get the best result (as in he realizes he did something wrong and that we're not just playing).

When we get him from time out we repeat what he did wrong "no hitting" and then have him appologize (he says "aww mommy" and then lays his head on you and rubs your arm like he's consoling us) and then say I love you. But 10 seconds later it's the same or another offense! We call him a sour patch kid because first he's sour and then he's sweet.


Shanny, he does sound a lot like L. He made such a mess once I took him outside, still strapped in his booster, and sprayed him off with the hose!

K&H

I think Shanny hit a good point. You have to pick your battles and be consistent. If you know he's going to throw the plate, work yourself up to a good patient place and do a series of attempts and time outs with him. This obviously won't be every meal, so don't wobble.. If you're not up for the battle, don't give the plate. When you are, stick with it no matter how long it takes

michgirl

Both my boys were like this. So many night I cried while scrubbing spaghetti off the walls and floor. I tried EVERYTHING! A lot of the times they got their food right on the table (glad someone else said it because I kind of felt bad about it). All of a sudden (almost overnight) it stopped. They were just a little passed 2 (maybe 26 27 mo). We still have messes but not like I use to have. I know it does not help you now, but just know "This too shall pass".

Shaeley Mae

It sounds like you're on the right path.
With L, she would get one or two warnings, and then she was removed from the table. That usually upset her pretty substantially, so her learning curve was short on that one.
I was also sure to reinforce good manners or behavior by saying, "see how Mommy does it? Mommy doesn't bang her fork on the table. That's not good manners. Mommy uses her fork to put food in her mouth. That's good manners." Although it feels like talking to a brick wall in that moment, she will almost always repeat back my little lesson within the next day or at the next meal, so I KNOW it sinks in.
Hang in there. If nothing else, dropping food will lose it's fascination soon.