4-year-old emotions

mel

I'm trying to gauge what is typical for this age. My kids just recently turned 4. If you have kids around this age or have had experience with them, I'd love your feedback! Of course I have multiple kids but I am interested in some comparisons with kids who aren't mine.

When a child is embarrassed (by a rare potty accident for example), is it typical for them to cry? apologize? How hard and how long? I'm guessing this differs by personality and mood, but I'm just looking for a general idea, if it's even possible to have that.

TheOtherLovingMoms

My granddaughter is 3, she has just recently(in the past month), gotten completely potty trained. When she would have an accident she would say "I'm sorry gramma, I'm sorry". She didn't cry but she did apologize. When her sister was 4/5/6 she was VERY emotional and it seemed like she would cry at the drop of a hat.

lolabel

My formerly stoic four year old now bursts into tears whenever she does something she perceives (and knows that I perceive) as "wrong." An example: she accidentally headbutted me in the nose today, and while I was seeing stars, I had to hug my crying, shaking child and reassure her that I knew it was an accident and that I wasn't upset with her. This is the same girl who pushed me out the classroom door this morning when I dropped her off for her first day of Pre-K. She's very confident, but has crying jags at mortification moments...

Shanny

A has always been very emotional and 4 has been no exception. She gets nearly hysterical when one of the other girls gets hurt like when Kate fell into a rose bush and was scratched and bleeding or when L got a vaccine in her presence. Just a few weeks ago we went through a very emotional phase where she bawled about everything - some things that wouldn't have even bothered her a week prior. It is a definite roller coaster of emotions. She doesn't do the crying and apologizing when she has an accident but tries to hide it (BM's are her problem area) and that makes a mess so I really try and impress upon her that she isn't in trouble for having an accident but she MUST tell us so we can help her clean up. I think in both of those instances though it is because embarassment is becoming a real issue.

Zen

I don't know about emotions, but Shiloh is on the cusp of 4 and I can tell you that this age comes with attitude!

mel

Thanks, all. I'm just worried about one of my little girls. We have some testing coming up and I'm so nervous that I'm looking very closely at her reactions and behavior.

K&H

Oh Lord, if four is more emotional than two, H and I are in for a world of hurt! :rolleyes:

Good luck with the testing. (Just FYI, I test kids, so if you have any questions feel free to pm me)

mel

She has learned good manners, but this is different. She was absolutely hysterical, sobbing and saying the same things over and over. She seems ok about the incident now, but there was deep shame and self blame in what she said and it was troubling.

pb

Beckham doesn't do this over potty issues but he will hear an emotional song (mostly stuff from Disney) and he get hysterical and will say the same thing over and over. We don't know why. The only thing we can think of is because we played all Disney songs before Paige left for her 5 month college program at Disney. He has other savant behaviors, like reading (this is not to start a debate) and he knows every single kind of car. We are having him evaluated. They think his speech delay heightened these other skills and emotions. I just want to make sure he is on track for kindergarten Good luck!!!

annerbones

I can't remember if your kids go to daycare/preschool, but maybe something happened there.

mel

What's with all the daycare hate lately? Yes, my 4-year-old children go to preschool, both to learn and because I work for the living that supports them. Nothing happened there.

Kari

I was thinking she might have seen or heard something at preschool as well. Justin has refused to potty train because a daycare provider was getting into power struggles with him over it and ended up shaming him over it and making him cry in front of his peers. Side story, but that was months ago and I'm still dealing with the repercussions.

Klt86

I don't think that was really a daycare jab. She could have seen another kid get scolded for a potty accident? When I worked at one daycare center for a couple months the other teacher in my room would yell at and shame the kids for potty accidents. She was a staff/manager favorite so nothing was ever done about it.

Anyway, I really don't think that was meant as a jab. I do hope everything is ok with your little girl and whatever you're concerned about turns out well.

mel

That is a sad story, Kari, and so frustrating how that horrible provider has affected his feelings and self-sufficiency with the potty. I'm frustrated FOR you! I know that isn't the case here, though. She's been potty trained for a year and a half and had a few accidents at school last year, but none this year. Her teachers were loving about it - I asked her and the other kids.

I know I've been vague here, so it's hard for you all to guess, but I am pretty sure she has some special needs and that has been difficult to navigate. I was really just looking for what has been seen in other 4-year-olds (or late threes) because I am pretty sure I know the exact "cause" of the issue, and it's nothing external.

Ronna71

My son was very dramatic in his emotions as a young child. Transitions were difficult for him, he would become completely overstimulated and it was difficult for him to calm down. His most difficult years were age 3 to 7. He was/is highly gifted, and that may have contributed to his behaviors (in 1st grade, for instance, he was tested as reading at an 8th grade level). This greatly influenced my decision to homeschool him for about 7 years, and I believe in his case, it was the best decision.

At the time, I didn't understand that autism was a spectrum disorder, and my understanding of autism was "Rain Man". I did not choose to get him evaluated until he was older, because I feared labels. Later, I learned that he had high functioning autism/ aspergers syndrome (depending on who you speak with - for me, it is essentially the same thing). It may be that what he has really dealt with is ADHD and giftedness (some of the behaviors of both overlap).

He was/is able to function just fine, but there has been challenges over the years. Today, the average observer wouldn't really know that he has AS, but he definitely has quirks to his personality, for sure. The biggest challenges that he dealt with over the years has greatly improved. I attribute this to maturity on his part, and education on my part. (Actually, I have made sure that he is educated on this, too). I think the biggest challenge for him going forward is "common sense" things that he sometimes just doesn't think about. He is 20 years old.

That's our story, maybe it resonates with you. Good luck. It has helped me to remind myself that what we are dealing with is a disability - a child with diabetes would not be subject to discipline/ridicule/anger, etc. for their inability to control their blood sugars, neither should a child with AS or ADHD, etc, be treated that way for their inability to control their reactons to a world they sometimes have difficulty navigating. Also, I frequently re-educate myself on the disorder, to remind myself of the issues that can reasonably be attributed to a disability.