Anyone else on their own with no support or close family?

Lindsay

Sometimes I wonder if I do a disservice to Lily because we don't have relatives that we see everyday..Ones that I care to be around anyways..We have favoritism issues badly with my parents so we don't go around as much..Went yesterday for pumpkkin carving and lasted 20 minutes and I picked a crying Lily up and walked out..It is too emotional for me and her to put up with that kind of crap and it will never change..So I working it out that we will move farther away if I get this job I put in for to put lots of distance between us..But Lily is a people person and she craves interaction..So I am trying to put us out there..Trouble is we just moved here and are reconnecting..We do and will go see some relatives(more distant)that are very loving to Lily and don't care that she isn't their blood relation but it isn't a close bond if you know what I mean..The poor kid doesn't have that with anyone but me...How do I change that and should I change that..How do I make our little family enough..espessially when she knows there are granparents and aunts and uncles and cousins that are out there..And before you ask me if it is bad enough that I should limit contact I will give you a couple senarios...

With my son..(he is adopted)..I adopted him when he was 15 months old..At age 7 my dad asked me if I was tierd of it yet and ready to give him back?

With Lily(my granddaughter ...daughter of my adopted son) my dad flat out told me she wasn't family because she wasn't blood..Then said later he didnt' mean anything by it..How can you not mean anything by those words..I wasn't buying it espessially since they treat strangers kids better than her sometimes..All they do is ignore her unless she is crying or getting into something..Then they yell at her....And call her names...

I am not having it..

So we don't go to church..And no YMCA's are close...When we move this Spring she will get to do soccer ect...

Any suggestions to make her feel comfy with just having me and her as our little family??

annerbones

You build a family, it takes a village to raise a child. Join single mom groups, find a church you like, connect with daycare parents.

Zen

Ditto what Annerbones just said. My closest family is one that adopted me when I was TTC. My blood relatives are loved but they're not close. Geographically they are. Just not emotionally. Shiloh's grandparents, aunts, and uncles have no blood relation. They're family by choice!

Flowergirl

Family is the people who are there for you and love and support you through thick and thin no matter what. Blood nor DNA makes a family. Make new friends - sometimes that can be a time consuming process that takes both effort and long-suffering, but friendships grow with time and work, and they can become "family" in every sense of the word.

You do not have to put up with family who treats you like that, or doesn't care how much they hurt you or cause pain/drama in your life, no matter how much or little blood you share. I feel this is even more true when a child is involved. Like pp's mentioned, a church, moms group, play group, even library group could be a good place to start.

Hope things look up for you both soon in the "family" department!

Shaeley Mae

My closest relative is my mom. I life on Florida, and she lives on Arizona. You do the math.

Obviously, my kids and I have each other, first and foremost. I am perfectly content spending time alone, with myself, and I hope I am raising my kids similarly.
As well though, I have some very dear friends that are co-workers, and we socialize with them on occassion. I have also been able to spend a fair amount of time with other forum members. And then there are also the friends that we meet along the road of life (preschool friends, doctors, etc).
I think as long as you find the right balance for you, it will help her find the right balance too.

Lindsay

Thanks everyone...It helps just to hear kind words..

I am making some changes...I am focusing on our little family in itself...Just Lilly and I...We will be moving to another town 20 miles over late winter/early Spring..(I don't want to take her out of school in the middle)..She will be going to the Private Christian School I love...My friend has decided to become a SAHM again with her little ones and is opening her daycare back up for income...Lilly will be going to her before and after school and breaks..That is such a relief in itself because daycare was such a concern to me here..We are going to start back to Church and Lilly will start AWANA and I am putting her in Daisy's Girl Scouts...She will get to play soccer in the Fall...

The situation with my family won't ever get any better..They are better some days and worse others..Since Lilly craves this family time w/them and her cousins(she forgives very easily and loves them) I feel it is better to live further away so that when we do go it will be an "occasion"..

Thank you everyone for your suggestions and telling me it is okay to be such a small family..

Shaeley Mae....I want to thank you for sharing because I was able to "look" at your little family and think hey if she can do it can I... Your kids look happy and content and that is what matters...

We still haven't been back since the "incident" and my mom came over this morning and asked me what my problem was...And I told her...She told me my dad doesn't mean to act like that but he is almost in stage 2 dementia and he can't help it...I looked her in the eyes and told her that if he can help it when he talks to the other 2 grandchildren he can help it with Lilly...She just turned around and left...But that is okay...I have let them know they will not treat this little 5 year old child who doesn't hurt anyone that way..She is not aggressive,impulsive,mean or rude and she will not take that from adults who should know better...

I have given myself permission to let it go and keep our little family as removed as much as possible from this..We are moving on...