How much to believe? Help!! Possible abuse or something.

annerbones

Maggie has been going to 2 day cares this year - 1 an in home daycare and the other a center based daycare. The reason being that my work schedule requires me to work some rather odd hours 2 days a week. So the center based daycare is great and Maggie loves her teacher.

There are some questions about the home based daycare. Maggie has begun to fight me when I take her to this home based daycare. To the point that today she stayed home with my mom because the fight was so intense. When Maggie is there she loves the lady - but when she is on the way there she rebels.

Today, she and my mom had a chat about what is going on at this home based daycare Sophie's- and Maggie said that Sophie son has been hitting her ("socking" her and she demonstrated this to my mom). My mom asked what happened then, Maggie said she would tell Sophie and then Eli (the son) would get slapped. Maggie also made a claim that Sophie has hit her - though my mom was not sure exactly what the situation was other than it involved cars.

Since Maggie started going here in July - her speech has gone backwards she is talking a lot more baby talk. She has also started to refuse to sleep with anyone but me, and is super clingy to me - which is different than in the past. Maggie used to be confident and independent.

My mom doesn't want Maggie going back here. I am just not sure how much to believe, is she making it up? What if she isn't? How do I know?

I need advice.

ninefirefly

I would err on the side of believing her. The alternative is that you possibly leave her in a situation in which she is not safe. That is exactly why I don't personally like in-home daycares, there is no one to 'blow the whistle' if there is something untoward going on. Just trust your gut though, if it feels bad just find a new place for her or take her to the center full time.

Lindsay

Ask Sophie...See if she backs up your little girl's claim about the little fella hitting her..if she says it's true I would tend to be suspicious of the other also.. Years ago when my son was just about Maggie's age we had a similar situation except my son wasn't very verbal because of his Austim..But he was always happy and wanted to stay where ever there were kids..If I remember right he was about 3ish or so because I was in college..He started fighting me when we would get to B's house..And I mean scream and hang on to the carseat kind of fight..crying hysterically that he didn't want to go..This really baffled me..I let it go on a week..I finally talked to B about it..She said he acted fine when he was there and she didn't know what was up..the fighting continued and I told B that I was going to start dropping him at my cousins because it was getting to hard to deal with in the am's...She said that she thought she knew what was happening at that point..Another little guy also 3 was doing the same thing..waking in the middle of the night screaming and crying and not wanting to go to daycare..The exception was this child was very verbal..And on like the 4th night of it they flat out asked him what was wrong and why he was crying ect...Well the child told his parents that B's daughters and their friends were taking the two little boys out in the woods and playing house with them..Only thing was the girls were pulling the childrens pants down and were spanking them playing the role..I immedietly took my son out..the other childs' parents pulled their children..State was there within 24 hours and shut her down because she wsn't supervising the children and was way over numbers...

What your child is doing based on my own experience is a red flag...Go with your mama gut...

Willsmom

When I was 2 I was in a day care center, this was in 1971 when there weren't as many centers etc. as today. My mom told me that I started not wanting to go to the center, I woke up crying in the middle of the night, acting out and saying things like "they hit". My mom called the family doctor and he recommended that my mom make an unscheduled visit to the center.

The next day she left work mid-day and when she walked into the center she saw the staff spanking children, they had babies sitting around in just diapers....of course when it was typical pick-up time parents always came to pick up their children and were greeted by a happy staff. Apparently I was being spanked because I couldn't tie my shoes- I was 2!!!

Needless to say that was my last day there and my great-aunt stepped in and cared for me.

Granted this was long ago and things were handled differently, I do know the center was shut down. And thankfully my parents reacted quickly to my distress, so that being said, I think I would also believe her. Maybe you, or your parents can pop in unexpectedly and see what you encounter. Maybe talk with any of the other parents that have children there as well

Good luck-

TxMoms2B

My wife works for CPS and just read this post...her exact words were "take that child out of the home daycare and make an intake to the state."

christeacher

I know I don't "belong" on this side but I can't not post because I have worked day care all my life and worked in many other child care situations. What I have suggested to everyone that I know that has a child in day care is to send a tape recorder in the diaper bag well hidden to really get an understanding of what goes on behind closed doors. The teacher who is the warmest and nicest at pick up/drop off time can also be the ones calling children brats and many other nasty things. I have witnessed many teachers even in infant rooms spank children even though it is against the law. Also if possible switch to a center that has video cameras where you can log on and watch from anywhere. I have these at the center that I now own, I encourage my parents to log in all the time. For a home based center it would cost less than 200 dollars to get a camera system set up. Home based centers also seem to take more liberties with kids than center because they do not have supervisors. Honestly I would switch her without hesitation because her behavior has expressed that something is not right there even if she is not being physically abused, emotional abuse is just as bad. Just my behind the scenes opinion. Sorry if I over stepped by posting.

sara291

I would rather be safe then sorry & if R or even Z told me that they would never go back. However knowing both well I know they would not come up with saying such if it was not true. That mixed with her behaviors I would stop right away & turn the situation in to be checked out. I would talk to the daycare provider on the off chance she is not aware which I would doubt. Even if she was then the children are not being watched well enough however it sounds as though something is not right there.

annerbones

Thanks guys - I just needed reassurance that I am not over reacting. I work as a preschool teacher for 3-5 year olds and i still feel out of my element in the 2 year old world. She won't be going back, I will be talking to Sophie and filing a report with the state to have it checked out.

On a grown-up front this sucks - I have known this person for 20 years. I went to school with her and trusted her. I am disappointed that I made a choice that jeopardized Maggie's safety. I will do better.

EMG_REL

I think that's a good decision, and I'm sorry that both you and Maggie (especially Maggie) are going through this. As a side note, in terms of your adult disappointment, it becomes more and more clear to me as I get older that people can be very different in personal worlds and professional worlds. I work with plenty of teachers who would be fine to hang out with but are terrible teachers for one reason and/or another.

Sorry if you've said this in the past, but is your mom available for your odd hours during those two days? Can Maggie stay with her, at least until you make other arrangements?

Jen727BF

Annerbones-- good decision. I did something similar when I was about 3 years old. At that time my mom took me to the Dr. and he told her to take me out immediately. My mom did and The problem was resolved. Unfortunately, I do not remember what the problem was and I never verbalized it. But I sure am glad my mom removed me from that place. I still have a negative vision of it.

MommyAndMama

WHen Kympton was 3 months old I had to return to work so I started bringing her to an in home daycare.... within two weeks my baby girl (3 stinkin months old) would WAIL at the site of her front porch from her carrier..... She literally NEVER cried as a baby, never. The lady told me that Kympton cried all day everyday which at first I thought might be because of separating from us.... I came to realize that something though was wrong, because I could leave her with a friend and nothing would be wrong. I also thought about the fact that every time I came to pick her up she was in the crib in a separate room..... TRUST your instincts! I never went back and we NEVER had another problem ever again. she returned to being our happy baby! I will never know what happened in there while I was away, but what I do know is that was the wisest decision I have ever made.....

Goobie

This makes me so sad and angry! I have been a registered and licenced childcare provider for 10 years come Dec. and have an in home centre. This is the sort of story that gives us all a bad name I will not go the other direction and say all home daycare people are warm, fuzzy, loving people, because unfortunately thats not the case, there rare bad ones out there... and it sounds like you have one of them.

If Maggie is getting hit at daycare, the provider should (a) be on top of it, and (b) be informing you. Kids have "fights" but you break them up, and inform the parent at pick up time of the incident. I strongly disagree with providers allowing thier own children being bullies - part of the reason I love in home care is because every day is a learning experience for my kids on proper behaviours in group settings.

Pull her from that place if you can, even if its just the kid shes not getting along with, it does not sound like a good fit for her.

wishing4too

I'd never risk it. I'd change daycares in a heartbeat. She should be happy to go. The fact that you question it is your gut talking.....

Kari

When I was about 2 or 3 my mom pulled me out of a home daycare because my older sister said I wasn't being fed if I didn't ask to eat. This was my best friend's mom who went on to raise four kids. I almost find the story unbelievable, except I recall that she used to send us outside to play and not let us inside. One memory I have is my friend and I hitting my sister with sticks. My sister tattled and was told to stay outside with us. We didn't get in trouble. We were definitely left unsupervised, with the oldest kid being only 4 or 5. So I would definitely err on the side of caution. I've even had issues with the kids' daycare center when only one adult was in the room. Drop in at random times, "forget" things and return five minutes after you drop her off, stop in during your lunch break, etc. They all seem to be happy and cheerful at pick-up I've seen bizarre things at other, odd times.

annerbones

I have pulled her - unfortunately Maggie goes to day care about 35 miles from my work and an hour in traffic so I could never "drop in." I know I could move her closer but then I might as well move too and that isn't going to happen so we have the "Maggie Triange" - Home, Daycare, Work. My mom is going to take her 2 days a week and she is on the waitlist at the center based daycare for the 5 day a week. My mom and day will just do the drop off and pick up on those days.

So glad I have awesome parents.

lippysaunt

I am really glad you got this worked out. Hopefully soon you can live and work close together!

kitty

My experience with a neighbor that my daughter played with, she used to slap her son alot at the age of 3. I was present these were play dates. One day she slapped him a couple of times and he was actually a good boy. My daughter wanted to go home, so we left and she cried all the way home when we got home she said she didn't want to play with them anymore. She was sad for the boy and she didn't understand why his mom always hit him. My daughter has been since birth very sensitive to others feelings. This could be something your daughter is also sensitive too, if they are no used to spankings/

Zen

If you can drop in or record a typical day that would be great. But in my heart, my thinking is that if you have any questions, you should pull her out. When leaving your child with another for care, you have to know in your heart that everything is fine. If you're stressing over that, even if the child is perfectly fine the setting is wrong.

With regard to belonging, everyone is welcome to post on all the forums! The different forums were made so that people could tune in to whichever interests them the most (kind of like channel surfing on TV). But comments and questions are open to all

babybaby

i like lindsay's idea about asking the home daycare teacher if the child hits her. as she said, chances are if she confirms maggie's story about the child hitting her, maggie is also telling the truth about the teacher slapping/hitting, etc. i'd err on the side of being too safe rather than being sorry.

telly

No no Aiden stays with a woman who used to work for dispatch. She calls me for every little thing. I trust her very very much. I refuse to put Aiden in a daycare until he can tell me whats going on. There is a video on youtube that helped me make that decision. I also knows he enjoys going because as soon as he sees her he starts smiling hard. If he cries and looks uncomfortable i would be uncomfortable too anc therefore would make changes. Talk to maggie and see what she says.