custody update

kstarr

i just got back from ohio on saturday with my nephew in tow. custody isn't legal yet, we have to file a bunch of paperwork with the courts. and i'll have to go back to ohio for the hearing. that won't be until next year though. and as i type this, he's taking his placement test for the homeschooling program i want to put him in.

i'm so glad i was able to get him away from his parents. the night before we left he stayed with his mom. she decided it was a good idea to get him high. i was pissed. he's going through a crash course of how i run my house. we've told him there will be no smoking or drinking. he's not used to planned meals or any kind of structure. he tried to convince my DH that sleeping 15 hours a day was necessary. this is addressed to a military man who sleeps maybe 6 hours a night.

but overall, so far so good. he says he feels at home here and it's my goal to keep it that way.

Jen727BF

Wow, poor kid (for a mom who gets him high). How old is he? He is lucky to have you! Good luck!

old mama

I wish you a lot of luck. It might be a tough battle especially after the "honeymood period" as I like to call it when foster kids join my home. It will be a huge change for him...well for you all...he is lucky to have you...even if it takes him a bit to see that!

kstarr

he's 14. we're expecting the honeymoon period to be short. especially since he's not used to rules. he has some anger issues that need to be worked on. and self esteem issues. protective services was called on his dad because he cuts himself and his dad didn't do anything about it. once custody goes through we'll be able to put him on our military medical and i can get him some therapy. he's really a good kid. he has a big heart. he just got the short end of the stick parent wise.

thanks for the support. i'm sure i'll be posting more as issues come up. going from no children to having a 14 year old is a huge change.

TheOtherLovingMoms

glad you are back home and that your nephew is doing well. Wow is all I can say about his mom getting him high, that is insane. So glad he is with you and hubby and will finally have some structure in his life. Kind of in his defense about the sleep, I just had my 16 yr old at the pedi last Friday for a check up and she told me that it is normal for teenagers to sleep A LOT, she said it is their brains and bodies way of growing. What homeschool program are you putting him in? Just wondering because I homeschool my son.

graceinfl

He is certainly lucky to have the both of you to support and care for him. I can't believe his mom did that but it sounds like he is where he belongs now. I have no doubt the transition will be easier than you think. Maybe just having two adults around who care for him and love him will make all the difference.

OneSmallStep

Wow, he's definitely lucky to have y'all! I can't remember if you said DH smokes/smoked or if your nephew does? I would just say, if he's been use to smoking ciggarettes and you cut him off cold turkey, he'll have a few days at least of being a jerk. I know because I quit cold turkey and I think DW and I had about a week of me unconciously picking fights, thankfully she was really sweet and helped me through that week. Good luck!

kitty

I will share with you that my brother and his wife were 25 just out of West Point and at his first duty station. When they got their first kid at the age of 14 also. That kid was me... Although my parents were far from that they had died my mom when I was 12 and I was a very ummm adventures child I think ... I experiemented in pot and drinking.. mostly the drinking of the boones farm wine..
Needless to say, I moved out at 16 lets just say they never had children..

Beware, the moods and not the same as typically teenage moods they are moods to test his place, your patiences and what he can get away with.
I babysat for my brothers commander and threw a party at this house...

What will be your life saver is finding something that he is good at and then really supporting it.. such as if he like dragons encourage the collection if its sports sign him up.. Being that I will probably assumme mom and dad didn't encourage much sports you may have to find that inner sport that he actually excells in.
Watch the therapy so much you are just a nag... and he will go backwards.. Since drugs have been an active part of his life you need to see what can be done to keep him from finding those same type of friends again.
Lastlly if you live on base, you know you are accountable for everything your dependents do sooooo.....

good luck

kstarr

TheOtherLovingMoms- i tried telling my husband about teenagers needing more sleep. he agreed to 10 hours a night. he just doesn't want him sleeping his days away. i can see where he's coming from. we are doing Calvert. it's a non profit and the only one i could find that was enrolling right now and didn't cost an arm and a leg. next year, i might put him in a state charter school if the custody has gone through. right now i just need him to start this program and catch up. i think he's behind on math.

OneSmallStep- DH smokes. so did my nephew. but my nephew only did when he could get his hands on them. DH has been keeping them away from Devlin. so far it's been successful and he hasn't been mean. my DH is trying to cut back. he has his good days and bad days.

kitty- i know he loves to draw, he loves music, he wants to start a sword collection. he wants to get into boxing. he really is a good kid. as for therapy, i may be a nag but he has a lot of anger and resentment issues. all he wants is attention from his mother and she's more concerned about his brother and nursing school. his brother, who is younger and stays out of trouble, is favored. she caters to his every whim. and Devlin sees it. he's hurt and mad. right now, the only people he has contact with are the people i'm around. i want to get him settled in schooling and a routine before i introduce him to friends. he knows that the crap he pulled back home will not fly here. he knows that there will be absolutely no drugs or drinking. and he knows that what he does reflects on DH. we discussed all this before he got here. we aren't new to the military. DH is just about ready to retire.

TheOtherLovingMoms

My son is really into collecting swords also. He has 4 right now. We found them on this site budk.com. They are pretty reasonably priced. Although some of them can be very expensive. Zach is enrolled in connections academy. It is free and they supply the computer and give you an ISP stipend every 4 months. They also supply all the books and materials except for things like pens, pencils, paper that kind of stuff. If you are interested in knowing more just pm me.

kstarr

i think i looked at that one. (i looked at a lot of them) this one doesn't have a specific enrollment deadline. a few others we would have had to enroll closer to the start of the school year. but i'll be looking around again at the beginning of next year. the one we are using now supplies all the materials too. i don't think they give a computer, but we have one he can use anyway.