Huge tantrum at preschool!

roses25

I went to visit Aiden at preschool today while Addison went to the sitter's to try the bottle. He was so excited for me to come. However, he threw a huge 30 minute fit all because I helped put away the recess toys. I mean a huge fit and he was screaming I don't like you mom in front of his whole class while they ate. I thought maybe they would do timeout or whatever they would do if I wasn't there, but they didn't. Aiden shocked them all because he's so quiet has never.done that at school before. What wold you have done if your child did this? I was so embarassed. I'm almost hesitant to go back to visit again because I'm afraid he'll do this again and disrupt his whole class.

I see these huge fits at home. He'll say he doesn't like me or he hates this or that (we don't use that word at home so he picked it up from somewhere else) when he's in a tantrum and then when he's not in a tantrum he'll tell me how much he loves me as long as I don't take a time-out.

annerbones

I wouldn't expect them to intervene - you are his mom and you ultimately have the control.

Was he upset because you were helping? Because you weren't with him? Did you figure it out?

Do these tantrums worry you? If they do - his teachers are great resources to support you

roses25

He was upset because I helped him pick up the toys. I even pulled the toys back out that i put away, but i didnt pull the right ones out. The tantrums do worry me because many times they are over things that seem so small to me, but are so huge to him.

Klt86

I think when the parent is there teachers shouldn't step in. If it were my kid, I probably would have brought him out of the room/outside until he calmed down. I also wouldn't give in and take the toys back out. I obviously don't know exactly how it went down but it seems like that's kind of rewarding the negative behavior.

christeacher

Does he tantrum or does he rage? When something sets him off, is he mentally there or is it like he is an empty shell? Do his eyes kind of glaze over? I have a student, age 5, who was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder. his tantrums were not tantrums but rather rages. There was a clear change in his demeanor, he was no longer mentally present when he raged. It took us a while to find his triggers, but for the most part we can redirect before he gets to a rage. There is no talking or reasoning when he is in a rage, something that did work was physical exertion...we used punching and kicking a bean bag, a trampoline would have worked great too. Just something to think about, them again he just went through a major life change could just be normal tantrums.

Kari

Well, from the point of view of someone whose kid misbehaves at pick-up time at least a few times per week, yes it's embarrassing. There's always a little confusion about who's in charge and will handle discipline so I step up and do it and then exit as quickly as possible. Still, that might mean 10 minutes of having a child misbehave while I'm trying to get everyone's stuff and coats on so we can leave. Justin doesn't verbally go off on me, but gets physical. Yesterday he made this awesome structure with magnatiles that his provider was praising and showing off to me. Three minutes later he's destroying it and flinging pieces everywhere while getting the other kids to do it, too.

How much of this is new behavior since the baby was born, and how much was going on before? I did find that Justin's behavior escalated after Juliet was born, peaked around 4-5 months later, and has really gotten a lot better since I've been playing up what a great big brother, mommy's helper, sister's helper he is, pointing out specific examples right after he's done something positive. He may be frustrated by jealousy and acting out at you because negative attention is better than no attention. Justin used to hit Juliet to make her cry to get my attention when I was busy. Now he tells me I'm a bad mommy when he's feeling left out, which is an improvement over involving his sister.

Is there a way to carve out some one-on-one time just for him each day that he can look forward to? He's probably processing a ton of new info these days on how the family dynamic has changed and wants some reassurance of his place in the mix.