Male involvement day at preschool

roses25

Aiden's preschool is having a male involvement day at school where they have dads, brothers, grandpas, uncles, close friends, or community members come decorate donuts with the kids and then listen to a story. Aiden is very close to his babysitter's husband. He's like a grandpa to Aiden. I asked his wife about it and she kind of laughed saying she didn't think he'd want to do that. I told Aiden we'd go back tomorrow and ask him because he wasn't home, so I'm hoping he'll go with Aiden. I don't really understand our sitter because she dislikes doing any activities outside the house like story hour, etc. with Aiden.

He is the only male that I think Aiden would want to attend. Aiden is somewhat close to some of our neighbors but not close enough to make them take time off of work for this. So if this man can't attend what would you do? Would you still send Aiden to school? Would you keep him home? Would you go as his mom even though your not a male? Or something else?

Carolyn

annerbones

For me - this would be one of those times that my child would experience the choice I made for her to not have a father. It is valid - not everyone has a father/grandpa/male in their life and that is OK!

Since the babysitter had such a response I would consider is it worth my child learning the lesson that people can say no - take a chance that the husband will say not to Aiden's face. Or, call and ask him before you go.

Your recent posts about Aiden, it seems like he is having a hard time adjusting - I would be working on building him and not letting him get broken down.

Zen

I would just send Aiden by himself and skip the male involvement. Shiloh has lots of men in her life but we live an hour away from her preschool. The likelihood of any of her adopted uncles or grandfather making the drive for storytime is 0. And I would not see any need to apologize for that or make excuses.

Kari

If the teacher's any good she'll pair up a kid without a male there with one who did come so ie doesn't sit alone. We would also have any adult on staff not assigned to a duty come down and pair up with kids.

MelandTara01

I agree with annerbones considering your recent posts about him having a few tantrums at school it may not be a good idea to expose him to a let down. I would call the sitters husband and ask him first and if he says no then don't bring that up to Aiden.

friendamy

I'd definitely ask the sitters husband and explain the situation... and if he can't go, can you? my sons school has a "donuts with dad" things several times a year, and after talking to the leader of the dads club thing, he assured me that moms are welcome and there are moms/grandmas there every time. if you're ready to leave the baby with a sitter for a but, that might be a fun thing for aiden.

KYST

I don't understand why schools still do this. There are so many different kinds of families now that it seems they would realize that having a specific person day is silly, not to mention the fact that a lot of people can't take off of work for it. I know that isn't what you asked but I thought I'd get that off my chest.
I do think that it's important for him to learn now that there isn't a dad in the family and that he doesn't have a close male figure. He may be disappointed but I think that kids need to learn to deal with disappointment. Even if the babysitter's husband were to go, at some point he'll have to deal with the issue. It seems better to do it now than later. Like Kari said, I'm sure they will put kids without men there with other kids who do.

annerbones

@KYST - the reason they do this is because males tend to be less involved in children's education. They are trying to get (dads) males involved. They are being politically correct, where they don't call it Dad's Day. If they called it parent involvement day everyone's mom would show up and maybe a dad or two.

Shanny

I agree with others that I wouldn't ask someone in front of Aiden, it puts them in an awkward situation and possibly upsets Aiden (and therefore everyone) if the answer isn't what he wants to hear.

I completely disagree that there is some "lesson" here that Aiden needs to learn. It was your (our) decision to bring these children in to the world without Fathers and I think situations like this call for more than just "get over it" (not that anyone said that but that's how it sounds to me). It is a great time to open up dialogue with him about not having a Dad and what means to him.

I asked Kate and gave the options (my first thought was that I would keep her home but it occured to me that she might have an opinion!). She said she still wanted to go to school and hang out with her friends and their Dads. When given the option for me to go she was all over that too. What does Aiden think?

babybaby

really agree with pretty much everything shanny said on this. i don't think this is a time to teach him a lesson about what it means to be the son of a SMBC. he has his whole life to learn that lesson, and really it's too much for a child that young to process emotionally IMO.

i think giving him the option of going or staying home is good, too. gently explain to him what the situation will be (if the sitter's dad isn't available) and see if he still wants to go.

i also agree with asking the sitter's dad over the phone versus in front of aiden.

good luck!

MommyAndMama

Not everyone is going to have a male figure there regardless of having a dad or whatnot. Many will be working, or just not interested in jumping into the preschool atmosphere. I say that is FINE! He will not be alone in not having a "representative".... and honestly he will likely be far more interested in the donuts then the adults

MommyAndMama

On a side note, good for the school for making it "MALE" involvement day and not "DAD" day!!! Thats awesome for them to recognize that not everyone has a dad! With a great preschool like that that is aware of different kinds of family I'm sure Aiden will do great!

KYST

I think it is great that there is a “male involvement day”. The point I was trying to make is that not everyone has the same family structure. Not every child has a mom, dad, grandma grandpa, aunts, uncles etc or at least not within driving distance nor do they have the ability to take off of work for it. I think that schools need to realize that not everyone has that “village”. The OP apparently doesn’t either. I also did not intend to imply that Aiden needs to be “taught a lesson” in that he should be punished in any way for this. Life is full of disappointments and children need to be taught how to deal with it. Donor children have to learn their family structure just as every other child does. Judging from previous posts, he seems to understand that he doesn’t have a dad. That’s great that he gets it, so next step is to understand that there will be times like dad’s day at school etc, that he isn’t going to have a dad, or in this case an involved male, to go with him. He may be disappointed but he may also have a great time with one of the other kids and their dad and he gets over the disappointment. I don’t see it as punishment for being born to a SMBC.

neverstopdreamin

Just posting my opinion I hope I don't upset anyone, but I am an on the PTO board of my daughters elementary school and whenever we send out a letter or schedule an event the letter is always titled Parents or guardians. And I think it should be parent involvment day because a lot of kids don't have a male in their life and kids should not have to feel different because of that. Two mothers love just as much as any other family (two mothers two fathers single mothers etc). Why should a child have to think they are any different because they don't have the "society perfect relationship stereotype". I think children should learn love is love no matter what gender gives it. My daughter is raised by her step dad and has been since she was 2 weeks old and we are ttc # 2 with a donor but that doesn't mean my husband loves our daughter or baby # 2 any differently. The parents of a child are the ones who love them and raise them.....just because you create a baby doesn't make you the father or mother. My ex husband created my daughter but he is usless and couldn't care less about her her daddy is my husband now ( her step daddy) and she knows who loves and cares for her. Good luck:)

friendamy

I agree with annerbones - hey do things like this because "males" are not typically as involved with school functions. they used the word "male" instead of "dad" so that ANY male that is anyway in the life of the child can participate (so in cases like neverstopdreamin's the step father is just as important as the uncle, father, neighbor or friend).

not every child or family has a "dad", but I think it's fair to say most kids have a male family member or friend who could participate in a function like this.

Shanny

Amy - I have to respectfully disagree that everyone would have someone in their life (male) that could fill this role! My Dad, brother and BIL all live 1400 miles away. My male friends are mostly all friends husbands who either have their own children or are looking forward to doing this stuff with their own kids eventually. The closest thing we'd have is my boss but he has a hard enough time getting away from work for his own kids events! I'm not by any means saying schools shouldn't have these male involvement days just that it shouldn't be assumed everyone can fill this criteria. I know at least a couple of the Dad's in Kate's class would step up and include her but Aiden hasn't been going to this school as long so that may not be the case for them.

friendamy

I didn't say everyone - I said most clearly not everyone has a male someone, this original post is proof if that.

I'm just saying the school is not evil for trying to involve males in kids lives. having seen this in my sons preschool and elementary school - there are always a bunch of kids who don't participate, for any number of reasons.