KD offer and legal issues

Ent9

So this morning a coworker offered to be my donor. I didn't see that coming at all. He said he would sign a contract and go get tested for STDs. I asked him why he would want to and he said no one should have to pay for sperm and that I can have his lol.
My question is since I live in Illinois im only in a civil union not married. Would my wife automatically be known as the other parent? And does anyone know of a good donor contract? ...I haven't decided yet..thanks!

TtnChris

She would not be recognized as "the other parent" I don't believe. I will struggle with the same issue in Ohio. That is a nice thing for someone to offer as it is very expensive to go this route. But it does come with a lot of security. And just because he says he is okay with it doesn't mean he wouldn't have emotional issues after the fact if indeed it did take. That is a big question that I believe only you and your partner could really answer as you would know him better than any of us. But if it works out for you that he would and everything could be great then go for it!

Ent9

Thanks ttnchris! I will be talking to him again about this to see exactly where he stands emotionally. He did say he didn't want parental rights but maybe he would change his mind.
It would suck if my wife wouldn't be recognized as the other parent though. I could not find any info on married gay parental rights, but im not sure where to look.

MNmommas

In MN my wife (our marriage is not legally recognized in MN) was able to do a 2nd parent adoption, is there something like that in IL?

Ent9

Yes. We have 2nd parent adoption and our job would help pay for it.

scorpiogrl7

Second parent adoption is a great thing. It would greatly help you as far as legal issues with KD. I would recommend a lengthy discussion about potential scenarios and his possible emotional attachment, though.

aplusa

You should see if in your state if your rights as the parents are protected if you work through a doctor. I believe in California and a few other states that is one way a KD would not have any legal recourse to the child.

Also, and here comes my paranoia, I'd have the donor tested now and then wait six months and test him again assuming he only has one constant or no sexual partners.

aplusa

Oh, I'd also pay for a semen analysis.

Ent9

I would definitely want a 2nd parent adoption just in case we travel to other states and something happens or one of his family members wants rights
..and it says for heterosexual couples that going the doctor route would make husband the father, but I'm not sure if that would apply to me.

PtownMoms

You'll want to contact a lawyer about the specifics of a 2nd parent option in terms of using a known donor.

We lived in MA when we had our daughter. My wife was able to have her name put on the birth certificate as soon as our daughter was born. BUT, we still did the 2nd parent adoption to be safe. If I remember correctly we had to submit a receipt from the sperm bank in order to prove that we used anonymous donor sperm. I'm assuming to show that there was no "father" that would be interested in having rights to our child. Which is why I'm saying you might want to contact a lawyer to see what the specifics are in your state.

Good luck!

GaBeekeeper

There was a recent case in Kansas where a man agreed to be a donor and signed a agreement to not have any obligations or rights to the child. The couple split up and the biological mother applied for state assistance. They asked who the father was and she told his name and he was made to pay for support. If she had went through a doctor to get oregnnt it would not have Happened. So just check it out and see what the laws in your state are. Even when KD signs agreements if the insemination was done at home he could still have parental rights

Ent9

Thanks ptownmoms! That has given me alot to think about.
Gabeekeeper,I read that! That's so unfortunate for all involved .I for one do not want to ever be in that situation.

TTC.JuneBug

There are some good sample contracts on known donor registry I think

Ent9

Thanks so much I will check that site out.

friendamy

though the contracts are nice, I'd still meet with a lawyer to see what you would need to do to make it stand up in court. I've heard far too many KD horror stories to not advise covering you butt with a lawyer.

Goobie

I have the best KD and relationship with him and his wife, but have heard the horror stories. I'm not entirely comfortable talking about our KD here, but feel free to email me

Personally, what I will put out there is unless you have a great relationship with this peson, and are 100% confident, don't do it. Contracts are all fine and good but will not stand up in court other then to show intent. Also, don't ever name your KD on birth certificate or legal forms. If you must, put "father unknown" and explain in a separate area it was a donor conception. Doesn't mean he can't come and ask for DNA testing down the line, but helps a bit from legal standpoint.

Ent9

Thank you friendamy and goobie! Also everyone else for your advice. You have helped me alot

Em&Me

Go to knowndonorregistry.com they have all the info on this. I was using a kd there. Your partners rights are protected.

Zen

Donor contracts are great for establishing intent, but you want to be sure that you can handle it if intent changes. This kind of contract will usually NOT hold up in court unless sperm transfer and insem involves a doctor. If it's done between the two of you, the courts don't care if transfer was from donor to cup to you or traditional intercourse. It's all the same to them.

Also, with a KD that you're going to see all the time, you may want to clarify if he is just donating, or will want a role in the baby's life (uncle, godfather). Just need to make sure everyone is on the same page. If you are, a KD can be an awesome way to start your family!

TheMFamily

I contacted 3 separate local LGBTPQ friendly attorneys via email and asked. 2 wrote me back with the same answer (free) the 3rd blew up my phone trying to get me make an appointment with her (definitely not free). It's worth a shot and I definitely recommend it! It should also be something you can google by looking up your state laws. After the attorneys responded with their answers and sent me a link of the specific law, I was happy to see I really could have just looked it up.