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Need some words of incouragement .....

hopefulltwohopefulltwo Posts: 303
edited December 2013 in Trying to Conceive
I know that I am going to sound whiny and selfish but here goes.

This sucks!!! Its been eleven months and still no hint of a bfp. I know its dp's body and not mine, but I am still taking it very hard this cycle. We were so hopeful with using a kd and having four insems. We thought for sure we nailed the timing. Ff looked the best it has ever been. And then yesterday and today her temp started dropping. I want to give up and go to an RE. I want to turn everything over to someone else I can blame. I am usually strong for dp, this cycle is just hard to stay that way.

I am looking for some words of wisdom from those that have had/been trying as long. Or a shut the hell up from those that have tried way longer. I just am at a loss this time. How do I help dp? I track, I worry, I make sure to get the insems up there. We rub her belly, carry babydust in our pockets, what else can we do?

Thanks for listenting to this rant. I appreciate everyones posts.

ETA: We have done both fresh and frozen cycles. About half and half.
Feb '13 - BFN March '13 - BFN
April '13 - extra af - bfn ( i still think the smiley lied) reg. af - bfn
June '13 - bfn July '13 - bfn Aug '13 - BFN Sept '13 - another bfn Oct '13 - bfn
Nov '13 - well af showed a week early-BFN
Dec '13 - BFN Jan '14 - BFN
ah Feb '14 BFPPP!!!!! Expecting him to arrive around November tenth.


  • K&HK&H Posts: 3,368
    edited November -1
    I'm sorry. It took us three years and it was hell. But I promise you it's worth it, and you do (very nearly) forget all the time it took. For us what finally worked was scheduling a consult with an RE for Ivf, doing one last at home cycle before the appointment, and H getting stinking drunk for the insem. Finally it was just the dates time for us to get pregnant and we did.
    In the meantime we took breaks when we were overwhelmed, travelled as much as we could, and just prayed and waited. It's hard, but for us it would have been much harder to not have children.
  • TtnChrisTtnChris Posts: 288
    edited November -1
    I'm sorry :( With every BFN it feels like it's never going to happen for you, and your right it's easy to find something or someone to blame. Honestly, I've beat myself up a lot when I should have just trusted my body and not blamed myself. It will happen!! Trust and believe in that little miracle your hoping for and it will find you. Maybe seeing an RE will help? But if that isn't what you want to do just yet then my encouragement to you is that every month you are able to try is a month your baby may be waiting for you :) Don't give up!!
    Born 11/28/14 - 38w1d
    7lbs 2oz - 19 in
  • kelleymelkelleymel Posts: 1,402
    edited November -1
    It is frustrating. We moved on the the RE after 8 BFN. 2 more BFN there, and we will do IVF next month. I think it depends on your age, medical history, blood tests, ect. Most Dr's say you should consult a RE after a year of well timed negatives.
    TTC #1: BFP Cycle #11 IVF (2014)
    TTC #2: IVF April 2017
    BFP: FET Due February 2018
  • GoobieGoobie Posts: 3,515
    edited November -1
    If you have a chance to do a KD again, try insemming a little earlier. Both my KD conceived babies were timed the day BEFORE my smiley, due to them being inconvenient months, and trying to just get the little buddies in there with a hope. Just a thought, and good luck.

    Need to update a ticker, Silas Anthony Jordon born Oct 11, 2013. 6th baby, so much love!
  • old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682
    edited November -1
    I tried for almost 6 yrs. and can no longer try because of health reasons...the one huge regret that I have is that I didn't ever think I could do IVF or have some extensive testing done but I found a way...Five days before I was to begin the process I had a minor surgery...not TTC related and had an awful unexpected complication which made it too late now...the tests results came back that I have an immunity problem which was preventing implantation or causing my early miscarriages...I will tell you the tests were sent to a speciality lab in Boston and cost me $500 but if I would have known before it was too late it is treatable and a friend and former forum member ended up having the same thing was treated and is pregnant with healthy twins... I too always knew there had to be something...the timing and other conditions just seemed so right and it just wasn't working for me.
  • blkbrd3blkbrd3 Posts: 1,221 ✭✭
    edited December 2013
    When I got to the place where I just wanted to throw up my hands and scream at the sky, I saw an RE. He did almost the same thing I was doing at home and I'm 20 weeks along. I don't know if it was the right timing, moment, or that I finally just relaxed. Either way seeing and RE was the answer for me.
  • scorpiogrl7scorpiogrl7 Posts: 1,386
    edited November -1
    If I were you, I'd see an RE. It is worth the money and time commitment to have peace of mind that it is out of your hands and everything is being done correctly.
  • katelmkatelm Posts: 268
    edited November -1
    I feel your pain. We're now on try #11 for our second. We were lucky first timers with our son, so every bfn this time just makes me so frustrated. It was so easy the first time, WHY is it so hard now? DW was 35 when our son was conceived and I'm only 31 (started trying when I was 30). She went first because she's older and logically you would think it would be harder to get preggo for her than me, but not so. I had labs taken before ttc to make sure my hormones were normal, which was helpful, but we've now been seeing the fertility specialist since bfn #7 and I'm not finding it too great, honestly. I like the doctor, but Clomid has messed up my previously normal cycles and I just don't think Femara is going to be any better, having been switched to that now. For me, I think either it's something else, like an immune issue or tubal blockage, or frozen sperm is just really hard to time with. I kinda think it's the latter, but that doesn't make a bfn any better. My insurance won't cover any tests or procedures until after 12 failed cycles, so maybe we'll find out something more then and seeing the doctor will feel more productive. Unless we actually manage to get preggo in the next two cycles, that is! At this point it just feels impossible, though. I'm not actually pessimistic - I get my hopes way up every tww. These bfns just make it feel like such a miracle that anyone ever gets pregnant, which is stupid considering we were the lucky ones the first time around, but that's how it feels. Maybe an RE could at least run some basic tests to check things out for your DP. It was certainly nice to know my body was functioning normally that way - it's such an intricate dance of hormones, it's pretty impressive to know your body can do it right. Maybe that would help in the faith dep't! Good luck and I hope the next try is the one!
    My amazing wife is the bedrock of our family. Three beloved foster children now in far flung places. One beautiful son born in March 2011. One amazing daughter born December 2014. We are blessed!


  • tiffspradtiffsprad Posts: 557
    edited November -1
    I feel your pain. We had 8 unsuccessful attempts using using frozen and kd. I finally got insurance this year and got a referral from my Dr. to an RE. The prices are high but not beyond reach and actually less that I thought it would be. We are doing our first IUI with the RE in January using clomid, trigger shot and ultra sound monitoring. From someone who has been in your shoes, my advice would be save the money and go to an RE. I feel like we wasted so much time and money on frozen and traveling to kds. If I had it to do over again I would go straight to the RE. When we began it seemed out of reach financially to use an RE but that was just the idea I had in my head. It has also given me peace of mind which is priceless. Just knowing that i will be monitored via ultra sound and there will be no guessing game is amazing. Good luck to you guys. I truly hope that you get your BFP soon.
  • aplusaaplusa Posts: 1,919
    edited November -1
    Getting to our 12th cycle without a pregnancy was both hard and a relief. At that point I put away the idea that we were "using the wrong timing" or there was a supplement I could take or . . . or . . . or . . .

    We had one last ditch Thanksgiving IUI - medicated - and terrible, abysmal numbers with the sperm. (Ok, they weren't that bad, but they weren't good.) I was still so hopeful *lucky* cycle 13 would be the one.

    It wasn't. We were done. We had done cycles 1 - 7 at home. Cycles 8 - 13 with the RE. It was just time. We did IVF and were incredibly lucky to get pregnant on super, wonderful cycle 14.

    I had all the testing done before we even tried at home. Textbook cycles. Not a blip that anything would be wrong. But, something wasn't right.

    I'm not saying you need to get to IVF. But, I'd second or third all the above - sometimes it's just time to check in with a doctor. There could be something super easy that just isn't working . . . And poof! It might! And that's how it happens. One day you aren't pregnant and the next day, like magic, you are.

    Good luck!
    Lucky Cycle 14: IVF!! Antagonist Cycle with Lupron Trigger
  • hopefulltwohopefulltwo Posts: 303
    edited November -1
    Thanks. I really appreciate all the responses. I guess with the holidays and work, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.
    Feb '13 - BFN March '13 - BFN
    April '13 - extra af - bfn ( i still think the smiley lied) reg. af - bfn
    June '13 - bfn July '13 - bfn Aug '13 - BFN Sept '13 - another bfn Oct '13 - bfn
    Nov '13 - well af showed a week early-BFN
    Dec '13 - BFN Jan '14 - BFN
    ah Feb '14 BFPPP!!!!! Expecting him to arrive around November tenth.
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