Forgiveness

K&H

How do you explain forgiveness to kids? I have come to realize recently that this isn't really a word that we ever use. E is currently obsessed with the story of Jonah from the bible and how God chooses to forgive the people... she keeps asking what it means to forgive, and I'm not entirely sure how to explain it. Every time I try, I think, no, that's not quite right...
Is there a simple way to explain it?

A&J

Well, I haven't actually thought this out thoroughly, but I am also.curious what others may say. Liv recently asked what forgiveness means because she overheard older siblings working out an issue where they were apologizing and one used the term forgiveness. When Liv asked on the way home what forgive meant I said that it was when we accept others who do something we may not like or that makes us feel badly. So she has now been telling people, mostly hee brother who pulls her hair that she forgives them, the only issue is they haven't necessarily apologized, acknowledged any "wrong-doing" or asked for forgiveness and she just calls out to the boy at the museum that tossed a ball at her head " I FORGIVE YOU". So maybe I will discuss this all more in-depth:)

MNmommas

babybaby wrote:

if she were to actually ask me what "forgive" means, i think i would tell her that forgiving means no longer being angry at someone who has hurt you.

I like this. And A&J, that makes Liz right on the money! Good for her, not holding onto negative emotions. That's a great skill, because you can't always count on an apology. Also, W is just like Elliott with the hair obsession. He just can't keep his hands out of the curls! It gives us lots of opportunities to talk about consent and not touching someone else's body with their permission.

Kari

To forgive is to no longer be angry or upset at another person to the point that you even forget that it even happened because you don't hold a grudge in your heart.

Shanny

For years I have worked to help the girls say (and feel) "I accept your apology" when one apologizes to another. They of course, can also say they don't or they aren't ready too. I've also explained (because they can get very upset when they know they've hurt another child- feelings or body) that just because you apologized doesn't mean they forgive you right away, stop crying or stop needing attention, help or love from a grown up. I wish more adults would understand this - if my child apologizes for doing something that is NOT ok please do NOT respond with "that's ok"!!!! No, it's not. A more appropriate response is I accept your apology!!!! Sorry, pet peeve

TheOtherLovingMoms

I understand your feelings about them saying it's ok when someone apologies for hurting them. My granddaughters were doing that when they would apologize to each other or someone apologized to them they would say it's ok. I started teaching them not to say that because in a sense they are telling that person that what they did or said is ok and it's not. I have taught them instead to say I forgive you, if they do or apology accepted. I have also told them that they do not have to forgive someone right away or accept their apology right away, especially if the wounds are still fresh so to speak. I also have a pet peeve with them saying it's ok. Because it definitely is not ok

babybaby

Shanny wrote:

I wish more adults would understand this - if my child apologizes for doing something that is NOT ok please do NOT respond with "that's ok"!!!! No, it's not. A more appropriate response is I accept your apology!!!! Sorry, pet peeve

yes, this.

Zen

You're mad at someone and then you *decide* not to be. Emphasize and explain the part about making the decision.