I thought I was 1 and done...

annerbones

So, life is calming down - I have a great job for next year. I am in the process of buying a house here. All I can think about is expanding my family. If I do it - it has to be soon, I am 34. If I try this summer Maggie and the baby would be 5 years apart.

If you have a large age gap between kids - what are the positives and negatives of this? What do I need to be prepared for?

SPJ&E

Our first two were 5 and 6 when E was born. I love the 5-6 year age gap and would do it again in a heartbeat. I feel like I've really been able to enjoy the baby being a baby, without taking away from the other 2. They are 9, 8, and 2.5 now. They play together pretty well, despite the age difference.

It's not all smooth sailing, of course. They are siblings...they fight/argue. But we have FAR more drama from our first 2 (they are 16 months apart) than from either of them with the baby. I say go for it!

sara291

I'm SO excited for you. R & E are just shy of 4-years apart & I love the gap!!! Hated Z & R's gap of only 22-months. R just adores the baby. He is old enough to understand things & that sometimes the baby's needs need to be met first. He is often very concerned for her, tells me he will always protect her & is just completely in love with her. Z likes her but doesn't care much. He is so busy half the time playing but can be a big help if I needed it. Either way both boys are basically out of the needy baby phase the first few years, old enough to understand & help if needed. Love it! I get to enjoy it & I feel all the kids get what they need vs me being stretched to thin.

The only negative I can think of is I hate taking little babies to Disneyland. Its a big trip for us but I want to take the boys again soon. I was waiting until they both reached 48 inches but now we have little Miss E

Zen

My experience is a little different because my youngest was 4 when I added older sibs to the family. The kids are now 15, 12, and 5. The biggest pro is that they love each other. Another related to the age difference is that they help each other (albeit sometimes under duress). The oldest can help organize clothes and lunches for the younger two. The middle one is always ready to reach things for the little one or open things -- and always wants to play with her. And the little one is happy to fetch and carry anything at any time.

There is some jealousy but I roll with it. The oldest sometimes thinks I love my bio child most. The middle thinks I favor the girls over him. The youngest complains when I hush her interruptions that I have no time for her. But this would be the same regardless of age gap! As for an age-related con, as jdiana mentioned there are age appropriate activities to balance. I can't be at a horror film and basketball court and playdate at the same time. And these interests do not cross-connect. I don't sweat it. Some things we do as a family and some activities are done with friends. Everyone loved Frozen! When I go see X-men next week, the little one will have a play date. When I take the girls to the nail salon, the boy plays with friends ... or X-box (lol).

Basically everything works itself out. Like my favorite saying, "life finds a way!"

sara291

One thing I think that has helped a ton is I don't only talk to R about what the baby needs. It's not only R hearing hold on baby needed this or that type thing which I do say a lot but I fake talk to E all the time. If I notice R getting annoyed I'll tell E that she has just a few minutes because its brothers turn or I'll talk to her about what a big help her brother is. The other day I had a big talk that she needs to learn to be patient & take turns like her brother & that she can't have all moms attention. When Riley over hears this any behavior that I was seeing like jealousy quickly go away.

fisch

We have the same age difference as babybaby - 3 yrs 4 mos. I think it is all about personality. Jack's personality is such that he kind of just rolled with it all. I like our age gap; our 2nd is a bit more work in terms of personality (maybe a bit spirited?) so the gap helped with that. I was surprised by how quickly the age gap closed for us for example: Emerson wears a 3t/4t, Jack where a 5t/6-7, they both love those little roller coasters at amusement parks, they are about 7 inches apart in height, they can watch the same tv shows like Curious George and Super Why, and can go on bike rides together, etc. etc. They also play well together and they do fight. Jack is gentle, but bossy, and can sometimes be an annoying "3rd" parent. Emerson is a risk taker, loud, and can be rambunctious - they balance each other out. Where Jack is sensitive and cautious, Emerson just goes for it, head first.

I would not have minded another year between....I'm already mourning the loss of babyhood...

Kari

Mine are only 2.5 years apart, but two things come to mind as cons: 1) you have to keep baby proofing, so the older child doesn't get to play with many age-appropriate toys because they all have small pieces, and 2) keeping both amused on trips, vacations, etc. Justin is too big now to go to a local play place for little kids, but Juliet loves it. Most amusement parks open at 10 and Juliet naps at 12:30, so we don't get to stay long. She's too small to go on most rides and Justin wants to go on them all. Those little issues are mostly linked to taking trips or doing special things, but as he starts playing sports and she gets dragged along, I think it will continue.

But I think the pros of having siblings by far outweighs the cons. I always think back about how, when my mom died, my sister and I drew much closer to one another for support and encouragement. Growing up we always had each others' backs. And as a teacher I know I can always recognize an only child because they have a different set of expectations and behaviors than children with siblings. Having a sibling teaches patience and tolerance and that the universe doesn't revolve around you.

summerfun

Congrats on all of the good news! That age difference would be ideal for me because of the independence level.