Start K on time, or hold back a year?

Kari

Justin's K screening came back the other day. I knew he was having trouble with visual discrimination, but I didn't realize it was "significantly below age level." His visual memory and fine motor skills were also "moderately below age level."

The day after I got this glowing report, his daycare plans for next year fell through. I'd lined up a daycare provider back in February but, after meeting Justin, she somehow gave away her two remaining spots to other families. He was really anxious at the initial meeting and not at all himself, so it didn't surprise me in the end. It just would've been nice to know it wouldn't work back in April when we visited and not yesterday.

I'm contemplating a few different plans:

1) Look for another decent daycare in our little town, and plan on having him do two years of K
2) Keep him in his daycare preK for another year
3) Start him in another district (using his existing daycare) for this year, then enroll him in K again in our hometown next year so he won't have the stigma of being retained

The only thing I don't like about #2 is that they nap in the afternoon and he's already dropped the nap.

To add to the situation, Justin is seeing a therapist for anxiety issues. Later this summer he'll see a developmental pediatrician for possible ADHD, SPD, and anxiety diagnoses. This past year we've been on the Feingold diet and discovered that he has intolerances to about 40 food chemicals and additives that have been affecting everything from his sleep to his emotional balance for the past several years. His therapist feels that his emotional maturity and some developmental skills may have stopped developing due to his nervous system always being on edge from the food intolerances.

Anyway, he's got a lot going on. If you were in my shoes, what would you do? I've heard that no one regrets holding a child back in the end. I'm just not sure what he should do THIS year. :rolleyes:

Oh, and I've been playing with a fourth scenario. I work in two different schools in two different towns 10 minutes apart. I work 2.5 days in each school. Both have strong K programs. I can't work out Justin going to K full-time in either school because they start at different times and the travel between the two to pick him up or drop him off just don't work. But, if the school was willing, he could go to one of the schools 3 days a week for this year. I'm not sure how a superintendent's agreement would work for that scenario, though. Most people wouldn't ask for their kid to attend kindergarten only part-time.

Shanny

I agree that I've never heard anyone regret holding a child back. Without knowing a ton of details about your options I would choose the option that a)will produce the least amount of anxiety for Justin and b)will work with everything you've got going on the best. That sounds like staying put but again I don't know all the details so maybe not. Will they work with you on the nap time? What does he do during that time now?

Kari

They can't really work with me on nap time because that's when half the staff go to lunch. He has to lie down and either look at books or just be quiet. I asked if he could go into the school age room while the 3 & 4 year olds are sleeping, but there's no one to stay there with him (not an issue with me, but it is to them). I'm wondering if they'd let him use the iPad during that time and work on ABC Mouse to help develop those lacking skills, but I wouldn't want him doing that for 2 hours every day.

K&H

It sounds like if you choose 1 or 3 you're in for a stressful year, but potentially the following year (call that his "real" kindergarten year) might just be pretty good. It is hard to decide. So, with 2, he would stay in daycare for another year, then do two years of K? Or this year would be what you're calling K, then next year would be year 2?
I think you're headed for two years before he gets to first grade, no matter what you choose. The question of cost and fit for him, with least impact on his anxiety are what I would consider. Kindergarten these days is HARD. It's a LOT of work and expectation and reading by the end of the year, and just plain tough on kids. The majority of my clients in the Fall are always kindergarteners, because it's just too much for them.
I probably would be inclined to leave him where he is for another year and reconsider K next year.

mel

I would most definitely hold him back from kindergarten, and go with the daycare option that would cause the least anxiety for him. I think enrolling him in K in any school is just going to end up being an exercise in frustration for him. The assessment shows he is not ready, and it sounds like he needs to work on things he would be able to practice in pre-k, so that would be ideal for him. I have a child with mild anxiety and it caused major issues a few times this school year. I would never knowingly put a child through that.

I understand why you would consider part time K, but I don't see it as a viable option even in the unlikely case that the superintendent agreed. It seems like it would be disruptive to the continuity and flow of the rest of the class to have a student who is out so frequently (and would need to be caught up on days he is there), and I worry it would only exacerbate his anxiety to be constantly behind the others.

These decisions are so stressful and difficult. You are such a great advocate for him that I have no doubt whatever you choose will help him succeed.

MNmommas

If you do decide to do K this year, consider doing it in another district that uses a different curriculum. It would help avoid the stigma of repeating as well as help him from being bored & acting out next year in his in-district K. Although now that I typed that, I suppose it depends on what kind of kid he is. Some kids would like having that preview of material and would benefit from having seen it before. It could go either way, I suppose. Wow, sorry for the non-advice there. But do give some thought as to whether seeing the same material would bore him or help him.

Zen

I'm all for holding him ... Just not sure about the "back" part. I kinda like the idea of two full years of kindergarten if possible. Do schools allow that? If yes, having him in one this year and another next sounds perfect.

fisch

In our district if you tried for 2 years of kindy, they would auto promote to 1st grade the 2nd year. Might be different with an iep, but you should definitely get the administration on board with whatever you do. Can you consider a part-time preschool? Like morning daycare then pm prek? We have afternoon classes that are 12:15-3:15 that works really well for a non-napper. Maybe a par-time nanny for the year that could do drop offs and pick ups and stay with your littlest one. I know it can be pricey, but he may truly benefit from a part-time environment and some one on one attenTion....just throwing out some alternatives to your list.

annerbones

I like idea #3 - but worry about his anxiety peaking when he has to change schools next year.

What services can your school offer that you are already providing? Can therapists come to school? Does your school district offer a developmental Pre-K? Maybe talk to the principals and k teachers at the school and see what their experiences ahve been and what kind of advice they can offer.

Holding him back isn't a bad thing, but if he has been preparing for K all year and all his friends are going to K - that might cause some anxiety for him.

Isn't anxiety the pits!?!

coryandamanda

H was behind when we started PreK and were still pretty new to our diet change so we didn't know where she would be when it came time for K. We had decided to send her to K and if she had to repeat it then that was fine. We had discussed with her that some kids have to do K once and some twice, especially when they were young like her with a June birthday and she was totally fine with it. I think they are young enough to really have no idea how it all works. She made huge strides this year so she just might only need one year of K but we will see.
But if you think he will be THAT far behind everyone and it will cause huge frustration and anxiety then I would see if you could find a different daycare where they don't force a nap.

babybaby

i wanted to add something regarding the matter of him being awake during naptime. this was sooooo common for me when i worked in daycare. i worked with 3s and 4s, and some of them napped great, others not so much. there were usually around one or two no-nappers per class during my time there. i used to just bring their cots either near the door to my office area or inside the office area (if they were noisy types) while i did paperwork. it's probably more common than you think. is there a separate area adjoining the main room where the teachers do their paperwork, or do the teachers stay right in the room with the napping kids? if there is a separate little well-lit space, maybe he can do puzzles and games as well as his computer there.