Dating + Advice needed

annerbones

Okay, so if you are FB friends with me you know that I have been talking and texting with a guy. Things re amazing, we have met - actually we met a few months ago. We are going out this Saturday. Currently we are spending hours each night on the phone with each other. It is so easy to talk with him, we have had a couple of conversations that could have been very complicated but got through them easily (his divorce, Maggie, Maggie's conception story).

Last night we were talking and he said he was nervous about how I was going to handle introducing him to Maggie. My response, was that it would be a while before that happened. I don't know how long but it will not be this weekend. I want to focus on him and I building a relationship and make sure it is something long term before I bring Maggie in for introductions.

So, moms who have dated - how do you know you are ready to introduce your boyfriend/girlfriend to your child?

Shanny

If I just met someone, a "stranger" then my answer would be when I felt that it was a serious, committed relationship. I don't think there is a set number if dates or months but I would certainly err on the side of waiting too long versus too soon.

The 2 guys I've dated since Kate was born don't really fall under this umbrella so it got a little confusing. I've known them both for about 12 years (they are best friends but that's a whole other story!). With A she already knew him so we sometimes just hung out as friends like I do with my girlfriends. It wasn't very frequently but in retrospect it could still have been confusing to her because we really don't see him anymore. We are still friends but not hanging out kind of friends. She was 3 at the time so I feel it was probably much less harmful than it would be now. Now with D she actually knows him better because she's seen him more over the years. But now that we are more than just friends (although not in a relationship by any means) we don't all hang out together because I don't want it to get confusing for her when we go back to just friends (inevitable since neither of us is looking to turn this into something more). Now I'm rambling and that probably wasn't helpful at all so just what I said in the first paragraph

mel

My answer would depend on whether you are introducing him as your boyfriend or just as a friend. I would wait a very long time in both cases, mainly because I don't want my kids meeting anyone who is not going to be in our lives for a very, very long time, but less time for a friend introduction. I know someone whose kids have had more "step moms" than they can probably remember and I will never do that.

When we moved last year, we moved next door to my girlfriend's house. My kids met her as our neighbor, and they've gotten to know her and her kids in a very slow, natural way. We started a long distance relationship 4 years ago and have lived next to each other for over a year, but our kids do not know we are in a relationship. I think my kids have a good idea of it, but they have not talked about it much. I felt very strongly that my kids should not get the idea that partners drop in out of nowhere or that serious relationships develop quickly, so I wanted them to see this develop slowly and naturally.

yfnr

I think you trust your gut. I started dating some last year and never wanted any of them to meet my kids. The relationship was for me, not them, and I didn't want anything serious, therefore the children were irrelevant to my relationships with who I was seeing. Then I met M and things felt very different. Our no serious commitments thing kind of went out the window and we're now talking marriage. While I never felt one twinge for others to get involved with my kids, with M it seemed like the right and natural thing to do. I can't remember exact time spans but we had only been dating a few months when he started being around the kids.

annerbones

Update:

Our first date went great - awkward because his family knew where we were and half of them dropped by to meet me. BUt he and I had good chemistry. So we made a second date for the next day (lucky me I had great babysitters on for a moments notice).

Second date - went great. He knew I was going on this 3 day 19 mile hiking/camping trek with M. and he said he would meet us at the end of the trek. So he got to meet M. They got a long great.

Just because they got along great doesn't mean that she is going to be going on our dates - I totally agree with a PP that the relationship with him is for me. That if it continues on this trajectory they will form their own relationship.

I am excited. And scared - things are pretty intense when we are together - just the feelings. But, I am gone for a month so back to long distance.