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How do you get a stubborn toddler to eat??
insearchofadonor
Posts: 73
I'm posting here in the hope that *someone* has also struggled with this, and found some kind of workable solution to the issue, lol! Prior to having children, I always told myself that I would never get into a battle over food with my kids. Stupid, I know, but at the time I was nannying and was very comfortable with 'drawing the line' on food and if the children didn't eat what I had prepared for them, then they knew there wouldn't be anything else (like, chips lol, or some other equally non-healthy option that they were always wanting to eat rather than their proper dinner, lol!) coming, and they knew the consequence was they wouldn't be eating anything that meal if they didn't have what was made. (Their parents were obviously also on board with all of this and it worked well.)
So I always thought if a child of mine didn't want to eat what I had prepared (that was age-appropriate as toddler food, and still yummy of course, lol, just not chips or chocolate biscuits which my son would eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner if he had life HIS way, lol!) then I would be very cut-and-dry about it - he could either take it or leave it, but that was the meal on offer. BUT.... there were two things I hadn't come across with this approach when nannying.... (1) the children I nannied were older (4 years and up) so understood actions/consequences much more, and really 'got' that there wouldn't be anything else if they didn't eat what I'd made. My son has just turned 2 and a quarter; and (2) I didn't have to deal with the overnight time with the kids - i.e. if my son refuses to eat what I've made him for dinner, and goes to bed hungry, he can't sleep (and definitely can't sleep through the night even if he goes to sleep at the beginning of the night!) and I REALLY want him to sleep through, lol! (Which he does if he EATS dinner!)
So... he will only eat a very small range of food at meal times... yoghurt (he would eat all day every day if I let him!), fish fingers, sausages, banana occasionally, bread/toast, cheese, sometimes carrot (but very rarely), and cooked shredded chicken (e.g. leftover roasted chicken), weetbix or muesli for breakfast, and crackers. What he WON'T eat is basically any vegetable, any other fruit but banana, anything with rice or pasta in it, any red meat whatsoever (e.g. mince) or anything else that you'd normally have for meals.
I'll also say that when he was younger (under 2) and I was still feeding him his food, he DID eat at least 90% of the veges etc I fed him etc, but it is since he turned about 18 months old and wants to feed himself (which is totally fine, I love that he wants to be independent in feeding etc) that now he simply refuses to eat anything vaguely healthy - and definitely nothing new!! - and there is no point in me trying to feed it to him again myself as he will literally just spit it out over everyone/everything. :-(
So, I know it's part of his new independence that comes with the age, but also it is starting to really get to me how limited his diet is and how few things he'll eat. Every meal seems like it is the same food all the time, and that can't be good for him long term surely??
Anyway, has anyone else dealt with this, and what strategies have you used to get your toddler past just refusing to eat anything else and at least trying ONE MOUTHFUL of something new??? :-/
So I always thought if a child of mine didn't want to eat what I had prepared (that was age-appropriate as toddler food, and still yummy of course, lol, just not chips or chocolate biscuits which my son would eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner if he had life HIS way, lol!) then I would be very cut-and-dry about it - he could either take it or leave it, but that was the meal on offer. BUT.... there were two things I hadn't come across with this approach when nannying.... (1) the children I nannied were older (4 years and up) so understood actions/consequences much more, and really 'got' that there wouldn't be anything else if they didn't eat what I'd made. My son has just turned 2 and a quarter; and (2) I didn't have to deal with the overnight time with the kids - i.e. if my son refuses to eat what I've made him for dinner, and goes to bed hungry, he can't sleep (and definitely can't sleep through the night even if he goes to sleep at the beginning of the night!) and I REALLY want him to sleep through, lol! (Which he does if he EATS dinner!)
So... he will only eat a very small range of food at meal times... yoghurt (he would eat all day every day if I let him!), fish fingers, sausages, banana occasionally, bread/toast, cheese, sometimes carrot (but very rarely), and cooked shredded chicken (e.g. leftover roasted chicken), weetbix or muesli for breakfast, and crackers. What he WON'T eat is basically any vegetable, any other fruit but banana, anything with rice or pasta in it, any red meat whatsoever (e.g. mince) or anything else that you'd normally have for meals.
I'll also say that when he was younger (under 2) and I was still feeding him his food, he DID eat at least 90% of the veges etc I fed him etc, but it is since he turned about 18 months old and wants to feed himself (which is totally fine, I love that he wants to be independent in feeding etc) that now he simply refuses to eat anything vaguely healthy - and definitely nothing new!! - and there is no point in me trying to feed it to him again myself as he will literally just spit it out over everyone/everything. :-(
So, I know it's part of his new independence that comes with the age, but also it is starting to really get to me how limited his diet is and how few things he'll eat. Every meal seems like it is the same food all the time, and that can't be good for him long term surely??
Anyway, has anyone else dealt with this, and what strategies have you used to get your toddler past just refusing to eat anything else and at least trying ONE MOUTHFUL of something new??? :-/
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His repertoire was very limited as well until he got a little older. He loved pasta and would eat it every meal, so I put a small amount of pasta on is plate for lunch & dinner and then the other foods I wanted him to try with it. I often ate something different (I hate pasta) and if I saw him looking at my plate, I'd offer him some. For some reason, food off mom's plate always tastes better than the food on your own plate. This works for my 2.5 year old daughter as well.
Then I have a meal back-up. If you really don't like what I cooked (and I leave it on their plates for 15 minutes just to make sure), there is an item you can have instead that involves no more food prep on my part: yogurt, banana, applesauce, cheese, or cereal bar. And I offer a bedtime snack when we're reading stories (same choices). If they're hungry, they'll eat it.
My pediatrician said kids will only eat when they're hungry which is usually one good meal every 24 hours. My oldest often wasn't. Come to find out, he has a stomach issue and has stomach aches a lot of the time and just doesn't feel like eating. My youngest will refuse a plate of food but then inhale the second choices, so for her it's preference.
ETA: I read in a parenting article about having a dipping sauce they like for new foods. Ketchup was the sauce of choice for my oldest, and ranch seems to be the youngest's pick. I also get them to eat veggies by serving them with a little garlic salt or soy sauce (we actually use Bragg's Liquid Aminos). Cheese sauce helps too.
For neurotypical kids without sensory issues, I believe this is the best way to feed your kids and it is what I have always followed. They ate everything offered to them until around 3 years old, then some pickiness and preferences set in. I always serve one or two things I know they like, and then the rest that I choose to serve. Sometimes this means that they have bread and strawberries for dinner, because they don't like the (kid friendly, almost always something they've even had before) main course. They will survive. I don't say "oh, if you don't like this I will make something else!" because I am not a short order cook, and if they know another meal is available, they will hold out for it. I don't want my kids to go to bed hungry, and my policy is to give them a snack before bedtime if they ask for it, but honestly they have never said they were still hungry. When they say they don't like what we're having for dinner, I say something like "hmm, that is disappointing. This is what's for dinner tonight. I hope you'll try it because it is so yummy!" and leave it alone. They will always eat a little. The choice and amount is totally in their hands, though. I don't tie dessert to eating their food, nor do I give any positive reinforcement for "cleaning" a plate or bargain with them for a number of bites. That is an easy way to ruin dinner (plus I never want my kids to associate stress with mealtimes) and ruin a kid's ability to listen to their own hunger cues. I encourage them to listen to their bodies and eat until their body is full. The key is to always offer something they will eat, and eat together so they see you eating the rest. They will eventually eat it, especially off of your plate.
It's not always easy. It's hard to give up control, because as parents I know we all worry about nutrition, but the way I see things, I do still have control because I choose which foods are offered all the time. I have seen this work in many kids and it takes the stress out of mealtime for everyone.
ETA: YES to the dipping sauce idea! Also, cutting into small piecesw and letting them eat with toothpick-size skewers was fun for a while. Instead of a sandwich, I'd roll cheese and turkey on little picks and draw a mustard heart for dipping. Things like that are still so fun for my kids.
For a while when E was this age we did a bedtime routine where we lit a candle, had half a piece of toast and about 6oz warm milk with cinnamon while we sang a bedtime song and talked about her day. (Then we brushed teeth in bed). If she needed the food, she ate it. If she didn't she wasn't interested. Either way she never woke up hungry.
Food "phases" will continue throughout your child's entire youth, so it's good you're thinking about it now. For example, E is now almost 4 and her new thing is "I don't eat fish or lobster. It's just not who I am." I could get invested in making her eat it, or try it, or two bites, or whatever. But I don't. I do have a conversation with her when she says that she wants to go to "that cool restaurant with the fish on top" and I tell her we aren't going to go there because they only serve fish and she doesn't eat fish... She thinks about it and we move on. Eventually I'm sure that she will either eat fish or not. I really don't care one way or the other. It could be a huge battle, but it's not.
Sometimes it's also about expanding your repertoire. Are you worried about him eating protein? Calcium? Veggies? What exactly do you wish he would eat more of? Can you try other things in those categories, like nuts, lentils, tofu? Cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, broccoli? Maybe the things you're offering haven't hit home but something that you haven't thought of before would be his new favorite thing.
I know you think he's young but you have to start now because you are establishing how this is going to play out for years to come. We've gone through lots of picky phases, and summer is generally one long picky phase because it's too hot to eat, but I try and stay consistent so we don't backslide into "kid food" 24/7!
Wasn't it easier when you were a nanny and just knew everything??? I miss that arrogance sometimes
Additionally my rule of thumb is, two well known staples on the plate, one new or "green" item. We do a lot of yogurt and fruit in our house.
We usually eat dinner around 5:30 pm. They go to bed between 7:30-8:30 depending on the night. If they are making a big fuss over eating I let it sit out for about an hour after we are all finished eating and if they don't eat it by then they have no dessert and nothing else to eat.
That being said, I do not serve things I know they hate and force it down their throats. If my wife and I want a veggie that some of them don't like (which really is only asparagus, peppers, mushrooms and squash) I make it on a night I have leftover veggies they do like or I try to always keep some frozen broccoli or cauliflower in the freezer and I serve a separate veggie to them.
If you are consistent and patient over time it gets better. It is one thing toddlers feel they have control over, so it can be a real battle. That is one reason we almost always let them choose their other meals out of healthy choices.
Funny about the dipping sauces Kari, as I've found the "dipping sauce" of choice for my son is yogurt! So that's how I managed to get him to eat a *little* bit of carrot... by dipping it in yogurt! ;-)
K&H - what I'm most worried about with his total lack of eating meat, is his iron intake. He is a very pale-skinned child (so am I - I have that very English white 'porcelain doll' skin, so he's got that paleness from me) but I do fear he is lacking iron on top of that, since he flat out refuses to eat veges (other than carrot) and I know he'd be able to get some iron from veges - if he ate them! So yeah, in the ideal world I would like him to eat at least a little bit of meat and some veges! :-) Calcium I am sure he has covered because he drinks milk and he eats yogurt like crazy (plus cheese)!
Fisch - I'm glad I'm not the only household that consumes a lot of yogurt, hehe! ;-)
Shanny - haha indeed re the nannying! :-D I have a friend whose a nanny and about to have her first child too in a couple of months and I can just tell she thinks she has it all sorted already, but all I can do is keep very quiet about the whole thing, and then talk to her again about it in a few years time once she's further down the parenting track, LOL!
Babybaby - funny what you say about now that Susan is eating solids! I am REALLY hoping that when my baby daughter starts on solids in a couple of months time that this might get him interested in eating more/what she is eating too. Especially if she goes through the same phase that he did when he was 6-18 months and would eat whatever I fed him! So even if she becomes a picky eater when she's 2, lol, she might still have got him interested in eating other foods before that when she originally eats them! :-P He is super interested in everything she does now and wants to join in on whatever is going on with her (e.g. lying on the floor under the play gym with her, just because she's doing it, or when she's having her nappy changed he'll eagerly watch etc). So fingers crossed she might be a positive influence on his eating when she gets to that. :-)
Coryandamanda - that's a good idea re making sure there's a breakfast each day that they like. At least it starts the day off well, lol! It's also nice to hear that with consistency and patience it does eventually get better. :-)
One, this is his age. There are those who say that two year olds become picky because evolutionarily a two year old would have been just starting to wander away from the tribe and being picky would keep them from eating poisonous things that they found. So, remember that he is exactly perfect for his age. Our E went from eating absolutely everything (including eel, calamari, mushrooms, etc) to eating nothing but hummus and cottage cheese for a while. Now her favorite food is Ceasar salad.
Two, iron is important, but meat is not the only source. Will he eat oatmeal? If so you can add blackstrap molasses. Get a cast iron skillet and cook his food in it. Pumpkin seeds as a snack, or a piece of toast with almond butter. Lentils are great and tiny and don't taste like much. We prefer the beluga lentils for shape and texture. (H and E also have English skin and I tend toward anemia also.) Some breads are iron fortified, although natural sources are always better. Spinach pesto might be a fun dip, you can add puréed beans and spinach to tomato sauce... Lots of options for iron!
I'd be careful with comparing the baby being a good eater to your toddler not so much. I think parents many times unknowingly contribute to sibling rivalry by doing things like this.
You might want to try baby led weaning when you introduce your daughter to food. I feel like it can help with the picky thing A LOT!
Thumbs up to both of these thoughts.
Also, on the subject of iron, give quinoa a try! Red quinoa is especially high in iron compared with other grains. We've found it to be easy to cook, we just boil 2 cups of it in 6-8 cups of water/homemade broth from soup or roast. It'll seem like a high liquid-to-quinoa ratio, but the quinoa soaks up/expands a lot! I used to rinse it before cooking, but found that to be a pain, so now I buy pre-rinsed if possible or I just don't bother to rinse it (and it honestly tastes just fine to me without any rinsing).
To cook, bring to a boil and then keep at a low boil, covered, for 15 - 20 minutes. It will fluff up nicely if you then turn off the heat and keep the cover on it for another 20-30 minutes or so. It'll end up being several days to a week's worth of quinoa, just store the leftovers/extra in the fridge. Our kids like it plain (cold and hot) or with any combination of other foods such as frozen peas, shredded cheese, etc. Also great mixed with salsa, I add some quinoa to my salsa when I'm snacking on chips & salsa. Great to add to any kind of soup/chili, doesn't need to be precooked unless you're adding it to soup that you're just warming up. Quinoa takes on the flavors of whatever it's with and doesn't look or smell funky, so it's non-threatening to little kids (much like rice but minus the arsenic!). When eaten plain, it's easy to eat with fingers and easy for kids to scoop up on a spoon too.
Shanny - yes I'm definitely planning on doing baby led weaning this time around! I reeeaally wish I had done it the first time around too, but you live and learn in this parenting business eh? ;-)
Kari - that's a good idea re the peanut butter! On a good day he will eat peanut butter on toast so I will start encouraging that more.
MNmommas - I hadn't thought of quinoa, so thanks for that AND the cooking instructions, because it's one of those foods I'm not all that familiar with, so I will follow those instructions lol! :-)
Babybaby - I know what you are meaning. :-) I know I won't need to say anything to my son about his sister eating more than him etc, because he watches everything she does now anyway so my feeling is that him just sitting at the same table as her munching down on stuff (assuming she does eat well in those early months/years etc) will be enough for him to get more interested too - and want to do what she is doing - without me having to actually say anything to him about it. :-)