Invisible mom syndrome

mausandlodie

Sometimes I feel totally invisible. For example: a few weeks ago, I cut four inches off my hair (taking it from shoulder length to chin). Only one person noticed - everyone else was too busy exclaiming over the cuteness of Maeve's pigtails (which are legitimately extremely adorable).

Today, I received a birthday gift from my in-laws. I don't mean to sound ungrateful - it was very nice of them to think of me - but honestly, baby sunscreen, juice box holders, and a toddler-sized personal floatation device were not at the too of my wish list!

Does anyone understand where I'm coming from?

Kari

Kind of sounds like the year my dad gave me all kinds of gifts at Christmastime that were for hosting Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter at my house for our extended family (think tv trays, folding tables, folding chairs, and a chocolate fountain). It took me years to bring it up . . . only after he mentioned how tacky it was for my brother-in-law to think that getting a new dishwasher or vacuum cleaner was an appropriate Mother's Day gift for my sister vs. a household purchase.

I can tell you that my dad loves me to pieces, so the inappropriateness of the gifts wasn't a slight on his part (and he didn't notice the three inches I had chopped off my hair last week, either!). So I wouldn't assume that they were slighting you by buying things for the kids. They may just be as clueless as my dad. It is hard to feel like you're thought of after your kids, though.

A&J

I don't know if this is along the same lines, but invisible kind of describes the feeling I have about conversations I have with certain people. Basically I feel like certain friends and family only discuss kid related items with me. I do spend nearly all of my time with my kids due to being a SAHM and I do put a lot of my focus on the kids and really do enjoy kid talk with family and friends. However, I still have other interests and things that matter to me outside of being a mother/parenting. I get talking kid stuff with people that I know solely because of having kids, yet those that knew me before and when I am intentionally trying to steer away from just talking about the kids by bringing up other topics of interest leaves me questioning what is going on. I don't know if this is on the same lines as what you are experiencing, but again think I get where you are coming from. Oh and I will say those are not good presents for YOU, boo! So, what is one to do?

Zen

Been there, done that. The good news is that over time it passes. I think. Hmmm. Let me rephrase that. Over time you learn to help people focus on you. Like ... you plan a birthday dinner out or a party for yourself and invite friends to join you! The difference after having kids is that people will not spontaneously think of you. So you gotta help them along!

insearchofadonor

LOL I have the opposite problem... I wish people *would* buy things for the kids instead of buying things for me when it's my birthday, Christmas etc, because I feel like I have everything I need/want, but don't have the money (being a SMBC of two) to buy everything I want to get for the kids! So I end up getting all these things for me that I don't feel I actually *need* and would rather have got something extra for the kids that I would have been saved from buying myself. ;-) So, each to their own I guess. :-)

aplusa

I got a chihuahua 9 years ago. Everything has always been about her since then.

Until the boys came.

The best is this week no one thinks that the boys are mine. Multiple people have decided that I'm the baby sitter or aunt and they must be my sister's kids. I suppose it is a compliment that I look too young (I'm 30, but could probably pass for high school without much doubt) or small or something. That's a bit different, but now I'm not even getting the attention for them!

Also, my in-laws never gave a .... Until the boys arrived. Suddenly they remembered they had my partner. Hmm. Different, again, but it ain't about us.

Shanny

I agree with Zen that it does lessen as your child(ren) get older and I think the reason is 2 fold - they aren't these cute baby toddlers that people love to fawn over and just generally ogle in every sense of the word and they aren't quite as much fun to buy crap for at say 5 as they were at 2 . Also, I think it is what we put out there that people are responding to. The first several years it is all we are/know/do (and rightfully so in my mind) so people are responding to that. Your in laws though just messed this one up though - big time!

syoung0204

Ok, I may have no idea what I'm talking about because I don't have a little one yet but there are times I've felt like this, maybe only 1% of what you're feeling. The only thing I can tell myself, is that sometimes you have to be your own best friend. No one can take care of you like you, no one knows you like you, so you have to find what it is you want/need and make it happen...easier said than done, but sometimes you just have to give up on other people filling in those holes and be ok with that.