Mom's night out

K&H

How do people handle "mom's night out" at your kid's school? E is starting preschool in two weeks and they're having this mom's night out thing next week. Both go? One goes? The more visible, school-involved mom goes? The less visible one to make a point?

Aside from the rant I could go off on about the whole concept of this meaning that moms are "stuck" at home and presumably dad's should "babysit" so that moms can escape every so often...

We are totally 100% out in every situation, so no hesitation there.. but we are also the only two-mom family, so theoretically the only kid who would have two parents at this thing.

Also, believe me, i will be working on this to make sure next year there is a "parent's night out"... but until then...

Kari

If I were you, I'd get a sitter and both go.

EMG_REL

Ew, I'm so not looking forward to such weird things. That's a tough one! No advice, but curious what others will say.

Shanny

What do you WANT to do? If it is something you both want to attend then that's what I'd do. This kind of social thing only appeals to one of you? That's what I'd do! Neither of you feel like it? Stay home!

I really wasn't comfortable at this kind of thing until I got involved with the parents club and became friends with a lot of others. So I can really understand both wanting to go and not wanting to go. Do whatever each of you would want to do regardless of the title.

K&H

Shanny wrote:

What do you WANT to do?

I think that's the problem, I don't know what I want to do. I would be much more interested if it was a parents night out and I thought moms and dads would be there. That way there would be Probably be two parents for some kids there, and working parents there.. With this set up I feel like it's going to be all stay at home moms and I will feel awkward and atypical, never mind feeling different because we're the only two-mom family. I'm dreading it as a gathering of cute, tiny, well-dressed, rich wives who happen to have kids. I don't really think that's totally true. But my emotions tell me that's what it will be. But I also don't want to not go and have the other moms make friends and then E is left out.

babybaby

part of me would want to do whatever i felt like doing.

part of me would want to both go just to make a point. plus, you'd have eachother's backs. plus, you could make jokes together about all the cute, tiny, well-dressed typical rich wives.

part of me would think that would be an awful idea because you want to have a good rapport with other parents there.

so part of me would want to go so that i could start making positive connections with other parents.

and then i would be so tired of mulling over what to do, i would go ahead and just stay home.

lol

mel

babybaby described exactly what I would do!

EMG_REL

Haha, yeah, I think babybaby got it right!

Kari

I work at a school where most of the moms are the rich, stay-at-home types who come to school dressed to the nines and volunteer or just hang out in the lobby for a few hours every day. Yet these are also down-to-earth women who have all kinds of diversified interests and backgrounds. Most are well-educated and worked before kids and are desperate to get out of the house and talk about something other than their kids but fall back into that comfortable rut. One lady, our current PTO president who spends half of every day in our school, is one of them. And I ran into her this week . . . at Goodwill buying clothes, puzzles, and a toy with her kids. I never would have guessed that. I didn't think I had much in common with her, but sometimes you can be surprised. And if you can judge from the comments above, most people are very hesitant to go to these events because we all are worried about meeting new people and fitting it. I'd probably end up staying home, too, but blame it on the fact that Justin is attending a school I work at that's a 45-minute drive from my house. I'm probably not going to hang out with those people very much (the fact that I also teach their kids would be doubly awkward!).

coryandamanda

If we could get a babysitter and Amanda was not working we would definitely both go.

michelle.malott

I don't really like those kinds of gatherings, and neither does my wife, so we would probably skip it altogether. I think we would wait for a family night to do the networking with other parents, but A. is still young so maybe we will feel differently when we get to that point.

Zen

I tend to shy away from those things because my interest in socializing with other moms without kids is like ... nil. That said, there's no wrong answer on your side. If you think you'd [both] have a good time, go! In today's day and age, families are composed of any number of components. Moms, step-moms, 2 moms, no moms, grand-moms. My thinking is the more persons engaged in making a positive impact on the lives of our little ones the better!

ETA: if only one of you opt to go, it should be the one who is more involved that wants to connect with the other moms participating. This isn't about being visible; it's about having fun

A&J

I'd say both go. I'm not really into these sorts of things personally, neither is my wife, but if it seemed like an importart event and Anna's work schedule allowed for it definitely we both would attend.

I am the SAHM and attend most activities or meetings for our kids, but when possible I like us both to go for the fun/family factor, but also because I like others to see families like ours and if we show up together in the beginning then this helps prevent a bunch of husband and dad references, etc. down the road.

syoung0204

My wife had a 1st grader with two moms last year. Sometimes they both came to events and sometimes just one, because the other was busy, I guess. It never seemed to draw much attention but that may be because there were twenty four 6 yrs olds everyone was trying to keep up with. Most of the attention was on the kids.

friendamy

around here "moms night out" has nothing to do with SAHMs and everything to do with all moms needing a night off. I work full time and I feel like I'm constantly "on" and I need a moms might out too whenever I've gone to these things - it's usually MOSTLY working moms

if you choose not to go, it's no big deal. you guys might enjoy a night out though for me, I like talking to other moms about challenges I'm having or offering solutions - I've discovered lots of cool new parks and events I didn't know about and just meeting some of my sons friends parents was cool, since I didn't get to participate much at school.

Shanny

I am coming back to this because Kate started at a new school yesterday and I am back to square one. Since I have been down this road once already I have a different take on it now.

Go. I don't care (neither does anyone else who matters) if one or both of you goes, but Go. It has completely changed my child's school experience up to this point because I am very, very good friends with her friends Moms. Her BFF's Mom, from her old school and I are going on a kid free spa weekend in a couple of weeks. I had to put myself out there as a 40 year old single mother and ask this Mom to come over for a play date 2 years ago. She is now one of my closest friends. I formed her soccer team with other girls from her class and you know who is on it? The people we are friends with!

When Kate started yesterday she came home and told me about all of her new friends (3 same age girls in her class). So today I stuck my neck out there, tracked them all down and am setting up a play date. I used to be very social but that gets harder as you get older. But I will do anything for my kid and helping her form tighter friendships by getting to know the parents is just part of the job IMO. It isn't always easy as the only single parent either but no one has bitten me yet

Zen

My eyes got wide just at the thought of contacting strangers and inviting them over for a play date. I need to contract you to set up social engagements for Shiloh!

friendamy

shanny - excellent point! and I agree with everything you said

K&H

Thanks everyone. I think we will both go.