Birthday Party Etiquette

TxMoms2B

Over this past year my son has been invited to several birthday parties. We also just celebrated his 4th birthday. This is the first year we've invited kids from school and other extra-curricular activities.

I've noticed a trend regarding "uninvited" children participating in the parties. Many parents brought along siblings (both older and younger) who fully participated in the parties and refreshments.

To take it a step further, at my son's party, the nanny of one of our guests brought her much older son (average age of invited guest was 4, this child was 10-11) who played all the games, ate snacks and cake, and guzzled juice boxes. We nearly ran out of snacks/drinks as we had two uninvited guests arrive (the nanny's son and a guest's younger sibling).

Luckily we did not have to pay extra for these children at our party venue, but if we had I would've been very upset. Is this something that is expected...because I certainly wasn't expecting it?! What would you do? Next year I'm thinking about including something on the invite that discourages "uninvited" guests.

K&H

It's pretty typical that siblings come along for parties at the younger ages, until they're "drop off" parties. A parent should not be dropping off siblings, but if the whole family is coming to the party, other kids will come too.

coryandamanda

In our experience it is usually written or spoken from the parents if siblings are welcome or not until they are old enough for a drop off party. (Age 6/7 was when this first happened here so just recently). Usually there are always siblings there except at venues that have limited space or charge extra for it. If it doesn't specify whether or not siblings are allowed I always ask ahead of time. We try not to bring them but I have had to occasionally. Usually our friends choose parties where they can include siblings because we all have multiple kids.

TxMoms2B

I get the siblings coming and the reason why. We don't know these kids from school, other than brief encounters while picking up/dropping off our kiddo. I had no way to know if they had older or younger siblings, so I guess it would've been nice to get a heads up so we could prepare.

I don't get the nanny's son tho. We had the party at a bounce warehouse, so here was this big kid jumping and bumping into little 4 year olds. The nanny never even asked if it was ok for him to participate. I literally saw him drink 6+ juice boxes...and at one time 2 at a time!

We would have had to pay for extra kids at our venue, but we didn't invite enough to max out our limit. But if we had invited more kids, and extra showed up, it would've been $10 extra per kid.

I guess a quick note w/ the RSVP ("my younger kiddo" or "my nanny will be bringing my kid, and she has her own child") would've been nice.

mel

I'm sorry you encountered such rudeness. I do not expect all of my children to participate if only one is invited (and it has happened a few times even though my kids are the same age) and I would be outraged at the nanny allowing her son to behave that way. I don't think "well they have siblings, so the siblings have to participate, too" is any excuse. My kids have 2 parents and one of us has taken one child to a party while the others stayed home. If we can't make it work, we do not attend the party.

ETA: I wouldn't mind siblings coming if the parent asked first, but just assuming and bringing them is rude, IMO.

fisch

We use evite usually, which asks you to put how many kids and adults are coming. This helps with a heads up. That being said I do get annoyed when 10-11 year olds crash toddler parties. This happened at jacks 4 year old party and some of the invited guests had to sit at a separate table because the big kid sat front and center at the big table hogging space that would have fit 2-3 four year olds. What parent doesn't say something to the big kid when choosing a seat and seeing smaller children left out? Rude parents. I think there is an appropriate age range, and a really big kid should be talked to about who was invited and how they should behave. Also that parent should have asked us if it would be ok. A 10-11 year old eats way more than a 4 year old!

TxMoms2B

fisch wrote:

A 10-11 year old eats way more than a 4 year old!

That is so true! He whined to his mom (the nanny) that we weren't serving pizza, while he proceeded to eat a plate full of tortilla chips and salsa, cheese cubes and pretzels, fruit and veggies with dip, and goldfish! Then asked for seconds of cake and as previously mentioned drank 6+ juice boxes. The sad part is I factored 3 juices per kid and we were almost out!

babybaby

oh, that IS tricky! i see both sides. as a single mom, it's not always easy for me to just leave one of my kids behind for an event, so i get that. but as someone who has thrown birthday parties for four years now, how the heck do you know how many people to prepare for if you literally don't know how many people to prepare for? maybe ask for RSVP, with indication of how many guests will attend?

Shanny

Put on the invite either:

Siblings welcome

OR

Due to the (nature of the event, size of the venue etc) we are unable to accommodate siblings. Thank you for understanding.

And there is NO way I would have kept my mouth shut about that rudeness. As a nanny I've taken my (same age) child to parties for the girls. We ALWAYS clear this with the host and obviously behave!

These are all some of the reasons we aren't doing a party every year. It's just too much BS.

Zen

When I had Shiloh's sixth birthday party, I made it very clear that RSVPs were needed. However, I still got caught short. It did not occur to me that parents of six-year-olds would not drop off their children and leave. So I planned a party for somewhere between 10 - 15 little six-year-olds. I planned refreshments and quantities friendly for little children, and the same for entertainment and seating. I was quite unprepared to find space for 15+ additional mommies and daddies and baby siblings with strollers!

Hindsight is 20/20! I am not 100% sure how, but this will most definitely not happen to me again!

Kari

Justin's classmates just started having birthday parties this past spring, and we've been to about 6 or 7 parties as well as hosted one. The etiquette has been really unclear. The first two parties only Justin's name was on the invitation, so I got a sitter for Juliet. Then, at the party, the host asked why I didn't bring Juliet and I explained that the invitation only said Justin. For his party, I invited siblings because I had enough space and knew them all (most were in Juliet's toddler room at the daycare anyway). Their names were both on the invitations.

I was reading an article in a parenting magazine a few months ago about this issue, and it gave the recommended ages that the parents stayed at the party (under 7?), that siblings weren't invited unless they had been given an invitation, that you could ask to bring a sibling if you have to stay at the party but should offer to pay extra at a special location for him/her, and that you don't assume the host will provide food for anyone except the invited guests, so bring your own snacks for your little ones. And I definitely agree about keeping them out of the way of the little ones and invited guests. Significantly older and younger guests do get in the way!