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Allowances
Kari
Posts: 1,765
For those who give your kids an allowance, how much do you give them each week, and are there any parameters about how they spend it or if they have to earn it?
My plan is an ever-changing work-in-progress. For earning, I've tied to it chores, taken it away for potty mouth, and given out a base salary of $1/week and then given extra for doing extra chores (which he mostly doesn't want to earn).
He uses his money to buy small things from the dollar spot at Target or small toys up to $10, but at $1/week, he's going to go bankrupt soon. And he makes impulse buys that he later regrets and gets upset about, so then he breaks them on purpose, or they're crappy toys to begin with and they break on their own. Maybe this is just a lesson he has to learn and eventually figure out? But we're working on 3 months of this system and he doesn't seem to be learning.
Am I giving him too small an allowance to learn any true lessons about earning and spending? I was hoping the potential to earn extra money might motivate him, but he just wants what's free. His sister is willing to work, so perhaps it's time to use her as an example of how he could earn extra by paying her, or tie in getting dressed for school as another way for him to earn extra money, because that's a challenge for him as well.
What are you guys doing?
My plan is an ever-changing work-in-progress. For earning, I've tied to it chores, taken it away for potty mouth, and given out a base salary of $1/week and then given extra for doing extra chores (which he mostly doesn't want to earn).
He uses his money to buy small things from the dollar spot at Target or small toys up to $10, but at $1/week, he's going to go bankrupt soon. And he makes impulse buys that he later regrets and gets upset about, so then he breaks them on purpose, or they're crappy toys to begin with and they break on their own. Maybe this is just a lesson he has to learn and eventually figure out? But we're working on 3 months of this system and he doesn't seem to be learning.
Am I giving him too small an allowance to learn any true lessons about earning and spending? I was hoping the potential to earn extra money might motivate him, but he just wants what's free. His sister is willing to work, so perhaps it's time to use her as an example of how he could earn extra by paying her, or tie in getting dressed for school as another way for him to earn extra money, because that's a challenge for him as well.
What are you guys doing?
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Comments
She just recently has ANY sense of money regardless of whether she has some of her own to spend or not. It just isn't a concept children under 7 can generally understand. That's the very earliest they get any concepts related to it, but there is still a long way to go even once they hit that plane. I know that people feel giving an allowance to young children so they can start to understand that helps, but I really think that if you start an allowance at 4 versus say 8 you end up in the same place when you have an 11 year old.
It isn't at all in line with how I want to raise her, I realized! I don't get paid for doing the dishes, nor will she. I want her to do things because it is her responsibility as a member of our family, not because she will be compensated for it. Just like behavior charts, sticker charts, chore charts - I just don't believe in them. These schools that now do a color system to make kids behave make me want to cry and pull my hair out at the same time! I want her to behave, be nice, do the right thing for the sole purpose that it is the right thing to do not because of exterior punishment, shame or praise.
I never have cash on me to give.
I don't want it to become a bribe/bargaining tool/threat (same reason we don't do Santa). If you don't do the dishes you won't get your allowance. So what happens when they don't care if the get their allowance, they can just opt out right? In my house the logical consequence to not doing dishes are that there are no clean dishes to eat on. It has never gotten to that point but if there is ever a question about whether she needs to help me do things I explain to her that if I have to do all of the work by myself it will take twice as long and we won't have time to do things together.
We started with helping around the house VERY young and it has never wavered so it isn't a huge issue but if it were I don't think money would be the solution.
I don't want 4 million little trinkets in my house that she bought with her allowance.
Lastly, you have to know what works for your kid! While I don't believe in sticker charts and what not I have also never had to go there with Kate because it isn't what will motivate her. She is a people pleaser, both me and herself so that also leads to money not really being a consistent motivator for her.
I have no doubt that the things you say are happening are - but my money is on it not lasting (pun intended). I've seen it with all kinds of extrinsic motivation for kids. In fact, I can't think of an instance where it has lasted more than a few weeks with this age group.
Does that mean you shouldn't do it? For me, yes. Again, I want her rewards to be intrinsic. But if you do choose to do it, just be on the look out for a shift and be prepared to change your game plan to keep them motivated.
And no, Kate can't cannot earn money outside of the house. It's called childhood and I am 100% ok with that distinction! She also can't stay up all night, drink wine or have a cell phone.