sex

EMG_REL

I'd like opinions on two things:

1. Yesterday, H announced that Anna is his favorite character on Frozen. Then, he added, "and Elsa, and my favorite part is her breasts." Okay...what? My guess is that he's fascinated by breasts right now because I'm breastfeeding. You should see the kid when I pump; he's like attached to my side, watching my nipples' every move. Anyway, did anyone see Will Ferrell's rendition of "Let It Go"? He nailed the hip swing. Even my three-year-old picked up on the sexualization. I admit to having a small crush on her myself...but I'm probably just associating Idina Menzel's voice with Elphaba and feeling all warm and fuzzy. Discuss. Any of that, actually.

ETA: We are totally not weird when H asks/talks about body parts (or anything, for that matter). In fact, some might say that we're too open because we respond to everything pretty honestly.

2. Now that we have two kids, when on Earth are we ever going to have the time and energy (keyword AND) to have sex?

ETA again:
3. When should we stop showering with our boys? H rarely looks at me when we're both in there because he's busy with a helicopter or something, but is he getting too old?

mel

1. The character is sexualized in some parts of the movie (particularly Let it Go but I think there is actually reason behind that in showing her "growing up" and it doesn't bother me too much, but I don't get extra picky about things unless they're even more overt or unnecessary for the plot) but I don't think he is sexualizing her breasts. He just loves breasts because milk! and mom! I'd probably let that comment go (heh, see what did there?!) at his age or use it to open a discussion like "hmm, my favorite thing about Elsa is XYZ" good character trait, and how that is more important than what someone looks like.

2. It will happen! My gf and I have 6 kids between us from 4-9 years old, and we still manage a lot. We both share custody with another parent so there is that, but it happens even when we have all six in one house!

3. I would follow your instinct on this (that is my #1 parenting advice for everything, actually) and just stop when you feel uncomfortable. I showered with my son for the last time about 6 months-1 year ago, and I didn't feel ok with it anymore. This is mainly due to the small space in our tub, and worth saying I do not want to shower with my daughters any longer, either.

Shanny

I am pretty open and accurate about anything related to the body with Kate as well. As a result I feel like she is comfortable saying things other kids might feel shameful about (like admiring Elsa's breasts!). She also goes through boob phases everytime one of my close friends has a baby. She asks questions about her 3 years of nursing, inevitably asks for a sibling etc. I agree with Mel you can either just say oh that's nice or probe a little "why is that your favorite part"?

I am always wondering "when" about certain stuff too. It always seems to just work out as part of the evolution. We don't have a giant shower so space has become the catalyst to not showering together. She still sees me naked a lot but I find she's out of the room when I'm dressing much more these days just based on age and independence. She will shower with me from time to time if we are in a hurry but it's slso bath season for her (winter!). The two of us the tub has also lost its appeal as there just isn't room now.

I'm probably not eligible to answer the sex question because sex for me always involves a babysitter at this point.

TxMoms2B

We've always been open and honest about body parts, their names, and allowing our son to express his feelings on such. So if C chimed up about breasts, it would seem (to us) no different than him commenting on her hair or her voice. That's just the way we are.

As for sex...we have the time...it's the energy is where we're usually lacking. I keep "grandma" hours for work so I'm in bed early. My wife enjoys the evenings to have "her" time and that usually means a good book and hot tea. The kiddo has karate and gym 2 nights a week, and then we have family night with my extended family once a week, so weekdays are usually a no go. Our son's gym has parents night out every other week...and we usually choose to have parents night in.

Showering together is once in a blue moon thing now. Mostly because he LOVES bath time (along with his hot wheels bath track, squirt toys, tub paint, etc) and his baths last longer than my wife's and mine combined. But on the rare occasion we're short on time, we'll pop him in with us. He doesn't comment on anything except to say he'd rather have a bath. We are pretty open, so he's seen us change many times. It's just our every day!

EMG_REL

Okay, new problem...or intensified problem. H put his mouth on my breast while B was nursing this morning. He did it like right next to where B's mouth was and sort of played it off like he was just trying to get close to the baby. I gently nudged him away and told him that he could play with the baby when he was done eating. Later (quite recently), he put his mouth on my breast over my shirt and then asked his usual questions: "Why are your breasts so big? Why are your breasts bigger than Mommy's? Why are they squishy?" I answered his questions like usual ("They have milk for B. Mommy doesn't have milk in hers, but she did when you were a baby. All breasts are squishy."), but now I'm wondering if the mouth thing should be addressed? Or will it pass on its own? It's obviously a natural fascination, and I don't want to make him feel like it's not natural...but I also want him to understand that it's not necessarily appropriate. Help.

b&kmakebabies

I'm not a parent yet, but stumbled upon this post and wanted to comment...I was a nanny for a few years in college and experienced this first hand. The family had a new baby who was breast fed and the four year old boy became very interested in all things breasts. He would squeeze mine and also put his mouth on mine over my shirt like you described. He also asked similar questions about the size of them and why they are squishy. I told the parents and they invited me to have a conversation with him so I could reenforce how they addressed the situation. We all sat down on the couch and talked about breasts and how they are all different. They talked about how breasts are private parts unless you are a baby and using them to eat (like he did when he was younger and like his little brother did currently). They reminded him that he has private parts too. They told him that if he has questions about breasts it is normal and he should ask the woman his question instead of investigating on his own. After the conversation, he only tried to squeeze my breasts two more times. Both times I calmly said, remember this is my private area...do you have a question you want to ask me about my breasts? Both times he thought about it and remembered the conversation and realized he didn't have any questions. The Dad of the family told me later that he asked in private why my breasts were smaller than his Mom's. I never heard him or experienced him touching or wondering about women's breasts outside of the family (I considered myself a part of the family).

In short, I think the conversation was effective. It wasn't too confrontational, but he knew it was a bigger deal than most things. He didn't feel ashamed at all and he learned his boundaries.

EMG_REL

Thank you for sharing! That was very practical, and I'll be using it.

Kari

I wanted to address #3 because I think it varies so much from kid to kid. Justin still walks in on me changing in the bathroom like it's nothing, when I've asked for privacy 100 times. He's 5 1/2 and happy to walk around the house naked as well. On the other hand, I taught a girl in first grade who'd skipped a year, so she was only 5. I remember her confiding in me one day that she no longer wanted to shower with her dad because "it was gross." So, when her dad picked her up that day I pulled him aside and said, "B___ is telling me she doesn't want to shower with you anymore. She's outgrown it and is embarrassed by it now." Still laugh when I think of that conversation. My gut reaction is stop before you think you need to . . . or your kid may be the one telling his/her teacher about it! :rolleyes:

EMG_REL

Thanks, everyone! All of your responses have been very helpful.

Patienceisavirtue

No advice or anything reasonable to add but I just thought I would say that I can relate to H as I am totally fascinated with the pump too. Especially when there are a ton of streams going all at once. It is, like, the coolest thing ever.

Oh, and I haven't had sex since May (you know, all that pelvic rest)....Not sure when the heck I would have time for that now and I only have a little one!

Shanny

Babybaby - you are not alone. Kate has been able to shower alone, wash her hair etc for a few years now. But wiping? Oy! I blame her short arms. She actually wipes but back to front!! I have no idea how we have not ended up with 4,000 UTI's. Just wanted to commiserate, I buy new panties frequently.

EMG_REL

Hahaha, I'm so glad there are no baby/child girl parts in my house. There are too many folds and creases to clean!

MNmommas

EMG_REL wrote:

Hahaha, I'm so glad there are no baby/child girl parts in my house. There are too many folds and creases to clean!

Just gotta say, having cleaned baby vulvas & penis/scrotums, that I find scrotums to be the biggest pain in the @$$. To be honest, R rarely ever got poop in her vulva. Is that unusual? But cleaning poop up from W, not a fan. Especially of the poop that gets between his penis & scrotum, that is the most obnoxious. I wonder if the genital words are going to get changed or blocked by the forum software...

mel

^ Have to agree completely about the poopy scrotum issues. Gross! Girls were never a problem. My kids wipe just fine now, but I also keep toddler wipes that they use to get themselves clean. I am just DONE wiping other people unless another baby comes into our family someday.

Shanny

Totally agree, I will take a girl any day...even a 6 year old that can't wipe! For years when she potty trained say age 2-4 she was what I called a "clean pooper". Didn't even need to wipe really. Anyway, something in her digestion changed and that isn't the case anymore. I've been wiping bottoms for 25 years, another year or so won't kill me. Cause after that I am DONE!

Our poor children, this is their online legacy...