In-laws and guns

K&H

So, once a year we go to H's family and stay with them for about a week. It's coming up next week. I know they have guns and I'm freaking a little bit. E knows nothing about guns, heck, I know nothing about guns. They have assured me that they are responsible gun owners, but I'm still terrified that something could happen.

Anybody talk me down?

MNmommas

Maybe you would be calmed if they can answer affirmatively that all of their guns will be locked up in a secure gun safe for the entirety of your visit?

K&H

We talked about it and I know they will be. I am just irrationally paranoid about it. I come from pacifist/avoidant parents and have no experience whatsoever. So it's stressful.

2moms_somewhere

I know nothing about guns, none of my family owns guns, but my partner's family in the Midwest has guns. Supposedly they are responsible gun owners. It is still not a risk I feel is worth taking. Accidents happen even amongst the most responsible of gun owners. If we ever visit them we will be staying in a hotel.

merilung

We have guns and they are kept locked and unloaded, with ammunition stored in a separate locked container. I would have zero problem showing guests our safety measures (the gun safe, that guns are unloaded, etc.) so maybe you could ask them to walk you through everything when you arrive? I do think kiddos should be taught basic gun safety whether or not their families have guns at home (at the very least that if they come into contact with a gun they should stop whatever they're doing, leave the area, and tell an adult immediately) so it might be a good time to consider if you'd like to do that with E.

K&H

Asking to see them is a good idea. Would you include E in seeing them as well? Or would that just make her interested? She's a very curious 5.

blkbrd3

I would include my son if he were 5. It's a great opportunity to begin to hear the message that guns are adult objects. I also plan to introduce my son to the NRA Eagle Eddie video which encourages children to leave the area immediately and find an adult if a gun is present when he's old enough to process the message.

Shanny

This: "(at the very least that if they come into contact with a gun they should stop whatever they're doing, leave the area, and tell an adult immediately)"

We have had this conversation many times in case she is ever on a play date and I was unaware they had a gun (I do ask, but ya never know...). I really wanted to hammer home that she is NOT to sit there and negotiate with her friend that they should put the gun away but to immediately leave the room (without her friend if they won't come) and to tell a grown up. I could just see her standing there trying to get some kid to do the right thing because that is her mission in life.

Anyway, I honestly am not sure if I would include Kate on the gun tour. I have zero concerns that she would be curious and attempt to check it out on her own but I have made the danger so clear that I think she would be fearful to be in the presence of one (as am I), and may not even want to stay in the house if she knew it was there. Side note - I recently had tenants discover some old guns in a rental house I manage. They said they didn't work. I had to go down there and pick them up then wait for the police to come take them from me. I never opened the shoe box until the officer and I kept them in my car versus bringing them into work with me. It was nerve wracking as I REALLY hate guns and have had ZERO exposure to them! All that to say I completely get where you are coming from.

K&H

Shanny, I think you're right about her worrying is she knew they were there. We talked at length at breakfast today about and apparently she and Mama have been talking about it "just forever!" She told me that Mama told her... And then proceeded to tell me all of the things you all suggested. I was so relieved. We even talked about what if you think it's a toy gun, or what if only someone else's parent is there, you still leave and go tell the adult anyway.

I also told her that if she is interested, when she is 18 she can learn all about guns. She told me that she will never ever ever have a gun in her house because she wants to have a dog for a pet and you can't have both dogs and guns because people use guns to kill animals and she would never want her dog to be at risk. She put that together herself!
Definitely would throw her off to know that the family has both.
I feel much better about the whole thing.

Zen

My dad liked guns and I grew up with them accessible. From the age of 5 I was taught to respect them, to always assume loaded, and to only point a gun at someone if my intent and need was to kill. Needless to say that never happened.

Fast forward 40 years. I have 3 kids with zero exposure to guns. The danger of them "accidentally" finding and mishandling a gun is incredibly high. They have.no sense of responsibility or respect where weapons are concerned. As such, it is my responsibility to make sure there is no chance of accidental access.

In your shoes, I would want to make sure all weapons were secured separate from ammo and in a location both inaccessible to the kids and one of little interest if they were to go exploring. You can never be too careful!

palegreen

We were just visiting my family last week and I completely forgot that they had acquired a gun since our previous visit. My mom actually brought it up to me as soon as we arrived and reminded me to ask my dad where it was so I'd be aware. It was in a box in the attic which can only be accessed in their master closet with a ladder that has to be brought up from the garag. I know little about guns, and rarely think about them. I have to make a point to start asking these questions as our kiddos get older and spend time away from us in other peoples' houses.
Growing up, my grandparents had a gun and all of us grandkids knew exactly where they kept it "hidden". That terrifies me now as a parent. Thank you for bringing up this topic. It reminded me of all the fun conversations I now have to have with the majority of my neighbors.

merryshannon

Arriving a little late for this discussion, but wanted to add - both I and DP were raised around guns our whole lives. We were taught from the time we were itty bitty what guns were, how they worked, and the fact that just like the stove or the chemicals under the sink or the knives in the kitchen drawer or the electrical outlets in the wall, they were adult-only items, and that we could die or kill someone else if we touched them without parental supervision. Our parents also took the "mystery" out of guns by regularly giving us the opportunity to look, touch, handle - and when we got old enough, practice shooting - their guns, when they were present to provide instruction and supervision. By giving us regular exposure and showing us up close what guns were capable of (we went hunting with our dads and siblings, and saw first-hand what guns would do), neither of us nor our siblings ever felt any inclination to lay a finger on them without our parents' say-so. Guns were deeply respected, even a bit feared, and the chance to use or handle one was a grave and very serious responsibility.

DP's parents took a similar approach with alcohol. She was allowed to taste and then as a teenager even drink at home, so long as her parents were present, and says as a result she never drank at parties as a teen because she could get better stuff at home :P and it didn't feel "naughty" or "daring" to her like it did to her friends.

We plan to follow the same principles with our kiddo, when the time comes. Our philosophy is that it's always better to for parents to expose kids to adult things themselves, in a controlled and planned environment, and teach them what they really need to know, rather than sheltering them to the point where they're getting their "lessons" from friends or schoolmates or what-have-you (inevitably in the most impromptu, unexpected, and possibly dangerous ways.)

Every parent has to make their own choices for their own kids, of course, but thought I'd share our approach, for whatever it's worth.